There’s an old saying that goes “There are three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.” On Mob Wives, that saying should actually be “There are four sides to every story: the version Karen tells Ramona, the version Carla tells to Drita, and the two versions they both tell Renee. The truth is in the telling, and these women could tell this story forever.
Karen’s Side Of The Story.
Scene: A restaurant in Staten Island. Karen and Ramona sit down to discuss Karen and Carla’s get together.
Karen tells Ramona the entire contentious story between herself and Carla, and the whole time, she basically spits the name Carla out of her mouth. “She was saying that, that the and other thing, and where did she get that from? DRITA.” Karen tells Ramona that Carla’s also been talking about her, which makes Ramona angry.. “I heard on numerous occasions from two different boroughs, Staten Island and Brooklyn, that Carla’s calling me her arch enemy. It has to be true ’cause we’re crossing bridges now,” Ramona says. I haven’t heard this myth about how when rumors cross bridges they become true, but if you’ve ever taken the Verrazzano, you know it can indeed be magical. Here I thought Karen made up with Carla, but from the tone of her conversation and the way she’s presenting things to Ramona, I feel like she’s instigating something to happen between Ramona and Carla. Karen tells Ramona “Me and her kinda made peace, I think that you and her need to solve that, definitely.” Ramona feels…ambivalent about this. “Carla is, in her opinion, a “Friggin’ s— -talkin’ b—h.”
Same Story, Different Version.
Scene: Another cafe on the other end of the island. Carla is having a similar conversation with Drita about her makeup sesh with Karen.
Carla literally has to drag it out of herself to tell Drita she even met with Karen. When Drita asks point blank “But did you make up with her?” Carla gives the greatest answer, saying “No, we made up.” No. But yes. But nooo? But what can I say that will be what you want to hear? It’s clear that even though Carla and Karen are on good terms right now, there’s no way it can last since everyone on the show is rooting against them. “Carla and Karen made up,” Drita says, not psyched. “I don’t really give a f—, but Carla should be careful ’cause Karen’s definitely not to be trusted and I can’t stand the b—h.” Uh doy.
Same Story, Different Day, New Audience.
Scene: Yet another Staten Island eatery. Carla and Renee who know a thing or two about squashing beef (a phrase I use all too often in my recaps, I’m aware of that, thanks) also discuss the Karen/Carla meeting so Renee can be up to date with all her gossip.
Carla tells Renee about her conversation, explaining that things got more and more heated until “She got up, she got in my f—ing face, but whatever, besides that —” Good old Carla “bury the lede” Facciolo.
“What do you mean she got in your face?? Gimme the dirt! You waited all this time to not tell me the dirt?” Renee begs. “Are you really good with her now? I really wouldn’t be good with anybody who got up in my face and then apologized.” Is there ANYONE on this show who is going to allow Carla and Karen’s shaky but admirable foundation of a friendship to flourish?? Big Ang? Anyone? “I’m very disappointed in her, I’m actually going to have a talk with her,” Renee tells Carla, and despite Carla’s protests, Renee tells her “I’m glad to get involved. I ain’t got no problem getting in the middle of the drama.” Not for now, anyway.
Same Story, New Combination Of People!
Scene: Hey, a restaurant! I didn’t know Staten Island had restaurants! Renee, Karen, and Ramona share a booth to rehash…what again? Oh right, Karen and Carla, the same thing we’ve been rehashing for the last half-hour.
Renee wants to get to the bottom of why Karen went “Drita nuts” on Carla at their dinner. Karen explains “She provoked me to go Drita nuts.” Mmm, when I’m on Staten Island and I need a protein-packed snack to get me through a fight, I reach in my purse for “Drita Nuts.” Manufactured in a plant that processes crazy women. What Karen really would have done to Carla if she could have/if there were no cameras is “Take my foot, stick it in her neck until she couldn’t breathe and let her know she picked the wrong team.” Even Red Sox and Yankees fans watching this show are like “Whoa, whoa, take it easy, lady.”
“I definitely feel torn between the two groups of girls. I’m trying to control a situation I have no control over.” Renee says. Then Ramona chimes in calling Carla a clown, and she calls Drita a cancer on the group, an outsider that’s jealous of the rest of them because she’s not originally part of the lifestyle. “She married into this Italian name which made her somebody. She’s a nobody. She’s a crumb-snatcher. She’s a flip-floppin’ floozy. That’s all she’ll ever be,” Ramona says, getting heated but still able to churn out names by the dozen.
“I’ll be honest with you,” Renee tells Ramona, trying to keep things civil, “I think you make me look like I’m not the craziest one of the bunch anymore.”
New Stories Below! I repeat: New STORIES!
Scene: The Zagat Offices, which have been converted to look like the interior of a restaurant. Karen and Ramona discuss an upcoming party Karen would like to throw.
Karen tells Ramona that she wants to throw a spa party because in her past life in Arizona, she was an aesthetician. Although based on her lipstick choice in these confessionals, I dunno about that…
But she’d like to have it at Renee’s house and invite Carla, which Ramona is cool with. “If she thinks I really did hate her, she’d be dumb to show,” she says. But you DO hate her, don’t you? I’m confused.
Scene: THE SECRET LEE ROOM IN DRITA’S HOUSE!! YES!!!
The episode started off with Drita building up the courage to sign and send off her divorce papers to Lee. This is obviously devastating to her, but the man did her wrong and she’s not going to let that slide.
As she sends off the paperwork, she tells us “I really, really wanted to be with my kids’ father, it’s just the way I was raised and it’s what I know, and that’s just not how it worked out.” The way it worked out is that she’s going to move on and get rid of anything and everything that reminds her of Lee, including the contents of his secret room.
When Drita invited a realtor over to see her house and get it ready for sale, she alluded to said secret room that Lee kept that no one was allowed into. Drita brings Carla over to help pack some of Lee’s things up and finally we get to see this magical room, the room where all I could imagine was stray dead bodies, a cache of weapons, and maybe a gimp suit. Instead, I am treated to a room that looks just like my brother’s room when he went away to college.
A couple old baseball bats, a signed ball, and a brown bedspread from the standard issue bed-in-a-bag that all heterosexual bachelors own. As Drita goes through his things, she finds a letter written by Lee in a coat pocket meant for her, professing his love for her, and she breaks down.
As much as she wants a civil relationship with him, he still refuses to admit his cheating, and she can’t forgive that.
Scene: Renee’s house.
“The girls are definitely making my depression a lot worse,” Renee confides in us as she meets up with Karen at her house. After her stint in the hospital, she’s hell-bent on re-prioritizing the important things in life, and catfighting is not at the top of her list. Karen tells Renee her idea for the spa party, to be held at Renee’s house. “Mimosa! Cheese! Pampering! Fun.” SOLD! Where’s my invite? (Do I need to take back what I said about Karen’s lipstick in order to get an invite? I’m sorry, Karen! I was joking!)
Renee is also sad lately because her father, who’s been in prison for eleven years but was recently released to a halfway house, won’t speak to her. Fortunately AJ has been seeing him and reporting back, but Renee is still sad at their state of affairs. She explains “He and I don’t see eye to eye over decisions I’ve made in my past, who I’m friends with.”
It’s been seven minutes since these women have filmed in a restaurant, so Drita and Carla grab some lunch so that Carla can tell Drita about the invitation she just received to Karen’s spa party. Drita advises against going because she worries that it’s going to end up like the last big party they were all at, and in that case, Drita’s eye ended up bloody and Derek Tobacco became a household name (in my house). Later, Renee meets up with them to tell them that she’s “very uncomfortable being in the middle of their feud with Karen and Ramona.” Which is quite a different tune from the time she told Carla “I’m glad to get involved. I ain’t got no problem getting in the middle of the drama.” But I’m not here to judge Renee or call her on anything because I think her attempts at peace are noble. Not since that girl put the daisy in the barrel of a National Guardman’s rifle has anyone taken a more dramatic stance against conflict. Renee tells them that while they’re cool with Carla for the moment, no one had anything nice to say about Drita. She is not surprised.
“We’re talking about a girl I beat up, a girl I snuffed. Like, I punched her in the mouth,” Drita says. “Is there anybody in the world that’s gonna think they’re gonna speak nicely about me? You know, I just wish they would get off my d—. And if I had a d— they probably would suck it.” Drita goes on to call Ramona DJ Flap-a-Lot because, obvs, she flaps a lot. Renee points out that between the two of them, they have more nicknames for one another and it’s true, it’s kind of amazing how many nasty but hilarious names they have for each other. If only they could stand to be in a room together, they could have a nickname-off.
Then Renee brings up a rumor she heard, which is that Ramona has been talking about Junior and saying that he only married her because of who her father is, and that he’s nothing without her. If you want to see Renee’s blood boil, you needn’t change the channel. Drita confirms that yes, that is in fact something she heard straight out of Ramona’s mouth, and Renee isn’t going to let that slide. This relaxing spa party might see some hot paraffin and mud-slinging after all.