Mob Wives – Episode 6 – You Be Nice And I’ll Be Nice

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Oh, what now?

This week is all about relationships. Husbands, ex-husbands, friends, archenemies. Name a type of relationship, this show’s got at least one.

Renee is not exactly going through an easy time. Her time in the hospital might have given her some clarity and a new outlook on life, but her friends’ constant fighting and the fact that Junior, with whom she is reconciling, is going to face another 21-month prison sentence and leave her alone again is weighing heavy.

Honestly, given all the drama in her life, the news of her recent hospital stint this past week was no surprise, but the first scene from this episode makes it very clear how much stress she’s under. We love you, Renee! Just know that, please.

Drita‘s also having an issue that makes us want to reach through the TV and hug her. While Renee is facing a forced separation from Junior due to the feds intervening and wanting to lock him up, Drita has forced herself to separate from Lee, having just sent him her signed divorce papers.

The hard part comes now that she needs to tell her eleven-year-old daughter Aleeya about it. “I’m thinking ‘don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry, stay strong’ and…I cried,” Drita says as she breaks down in front of Aleeya.

Drita, we love you too!

In happier news, it’s time for the much-anticipated spa party!!

“I wanna get a massage, I want a facial, and I wanna get spray tanned,” Big Ang says at the onset of Karen beauty soiree. Oh, “And I wanna get a buzz on.” Love.

Big Ang’s idea of a spa party sounds perfect, and if the party was just limited to spa services, that would be one thing. Unfortunately, it also includes punch that Big Ang says tastes “rotten,” and the news that Renee invited Drita. “Everybody was all discombombulated,” Big Ang says when Renee dropped that bit of info. “Didn’t faze me at all though.”

“If Drita shows up, it’s Renee’s home, Karen and I will do nothing but respect Renee. If the bitch wants to start something, she’s going to get a facial with my fist,” Ramona says, offering a service only offered at a very niche type of spa.

When Carla calls to tell Karen she’s not coming because she’s planning to have some time with her family, it’s Renee who flips out and thinks that’s a BS excuse.

“I’m not sticking around for any of this drama bulls—,” Big Ang says and she grabs a quick spray tan and then hightails it out of there.

Which is a smart move on her part because it means she missed Renee and Ramona’s fight.

Ramona really wants to call Carla to tell her how she feels, but Renee doesn’t want that done in her house, not here, not now, not ever.

It’s not so much Ramona’s feelings toward Carla that piss Renee off, it’s the fact that last week, Drita confirmed a rumor that Ramona had been talking smack about Junior and Renee has been quietly seething ever since.

“They killed my spa party,” Karen says.

Yep. The was no joy in Mud(bath)ville that day.

“I do think Renee is afraid of anything good. She’s not used to it,” Drita says when she goes over to Renee’s house to do her makeup and discuss the state of Renee’s relationship. Renee has admitted to Drita that she’s sabotaging her relationship with Junior by assuming the worst is going to happen with him (i.e. his past history of cheating). When Drita comes over again, Renee admits that she took Junior’s phone, which he thinks he misplaced, so she could do some sleuthing. This could either be a giant relationship-sabotager or she could learn some key information about his private life outside their house.

“Junior does not have a really good track record,” Renee says, “nor does he have a really good criminal record neither.” So she and Drita try to figure out the password to unlock the phone, which is hilarious because it’s the day his mom died

(that’s not really hilarious, the funny part is just that a) Renee actually guessed it correctly, and b) that she high fived Drita when it worked).

They listen to a series of messages and Drita is basically having a heart attack because of all this spying. “I know exactly how Lee and Junior must feel when the Feds come pick them up,” Drita says when Junior walks in on them and Renee quickly hides his phone. “That’s exactly how I felt.”

LIKE A COMMON CRIMINAL, I tell ya. It’s funny how a woman so afraid of getting caught doing something so small was married to a man whose job it was to rob banks.

Over on the “let’s do something active” soundstage, Karen and Ramona take a bike ride and as they cruise along, they try to figure out what happened at the spa party.

Ramona, who has never actually even met Carla, wants to nip the situation in the butt and/or face (“the situation” being Carla herself). Ramona’s not sure why Renee freaked out so much at the party, but she’s willing to meet with Carla, who she is just positive has only been put on God’s green earth to sit at Drita’s side and nod her head politely, to get to the bottom of their beef, which isn’t really a beef since, again, they’ve never met.

Drita and Carla go to hang with Big Ang at her bar, and when they get there Ang actually says “Meet my cousin Vinny,” so in case you were wondering where they got that movie title…

Big Ang tells Carla that Karen was very disappointed that she bailed on the spa party (and she wasn’t even there to see the real fireworks), but Carla assessed the situation and says “If I would have went to that party, it wouldn’t have went well.” When Big Ang lists off the people who were at the party, she mentions “the girl who did my spray tan,” Ramona’s friend Adriana,

who used to be a friend of Carla’s “until she stuck her nose where it shouldn’t have been,” (flashback to Lee’s secret room! What’s the story here?) but things ended badly between them. Carla is especially relieved she dodged the one-two punch (one=Ramona, two=Adriana).

However, Ramona calls Carla up to meet one-on-one to see if they can figure out what their relationship is, are the archenemies? Or will they actually like each other?

Wouldn’t that be something?

Before that happens though, Drita meets with her friend Bridget who says that she heard from her best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. Wait no, sorry, wrong plot. What she actually heard what that Lee wants to contest the divorce. Because gossip spreads around Staten Island the way cold sores spread through the Jersey Shore house. On Staten Island, Drita says, “Everybody knows everybody’s business. It doesn’t even shock me if I go in the f—in’ bodega and the guy goes ‘You know, I heard Lee’s not going to sign the papers’ I would not be shocked.”

If that report really is true and Lee plans to fight Drita on this, she’s ready for war. “I will flip out. I’m gonna take a ride to his jail, and I’m going to end up being a roommate,” Drita tells Bridget.

Carla tells Renee that she’s going to meet with Ramona and Renee’s only reaction is “For real for real, I would not f— with that b—h.” It’s pretty obvious that Carla’s interest in meeting up with her now though is definitely amped up, she wants to see what’s going to go down as much as we all do. “Either we’re gonna get over it or we’re not,” Carla says.

Finally, their fateful, salon-straightened meeting occurs and Ramona lays it out there for Carla, she’s been hearing things that Carla supposedly said (that they were archenemies), and that she thinks Carla’s brain is molded by Drita.

(Cut to Drita reenacting the “Hello” video by Lionel Richie, only instead of a bust of clay forming Lionel’s face, Drita’s working on Carla’s frontal lobe.) Carla swears she never said the archenemy thing (Ramona doesn’t buy that since she heard it on two boroughs), and that she, and not Drita, makes her own mind up.

(Cut to Drita smashing the brain she’s worked on as her teardrops splash down her smock, mingling with the dried-up drabs of clay.)

After they talk, they seem to agree that neither of them actually has a problem with the other. “Be nice, and I’ll be nice,” Ramona says, and Carla’s like “Well, yeah, duh.” There are still elements of distrust, but at least for now, this is not going to explode in a ball of rage and molded-brain clay.

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