Welcome to the Big Ang and Louie show! Also starring some other people.
Just kidding, I love all my Mob Wives equally, but good lord, I can’t get enough of Big Ang and Louie. But let’s move on to the others, we’ll get back to this woman and her adorable dog in a moment.
Drita met her first ever douchebag nemesis in kindergarten, and things have never been the same since. The current douchebag-jerkoffs in her life, Karen and Ramona, are still irking her, still causing her to need to get some aggression out, so so heads to another boxing lesson and explains “I’m on a mission to control my anger and my temper, but I’m also on a mission to stay away from douchebags.”
Easier said than done on this show, I think.
Karen and Ramona meet up to discuss Ramona’s meeting with Carla. Ramona admits “I went there thinking ‘You’re dumb’” but she was pleasantly surprised to find out that Carla wasn’t dumb and she actually impressed Ramona with her loyalty to Drita. I feel like you could be the worst person in the world, but as long as you’re loyal, these women will have some amount of respect for you. The two women wish Carla would rid herself of the black cloud known as Drita because they do like her, aside from the fact that her bestie is their worstie. “I think it’s double D — no Drita, no drama,” Ramona says.
I feel like every new paragraph I write could be written, Mad Libs style, like “_name of girl #1_ and _name of girl #2_ meet at _Italian word_ restaurant to talk about _name of girl #3_. _name of girl #2_ is _synonym for pissed off_.” In other news, Carla and Drita meet at Trattoria Whatever to talk about Ramona. Drita is EVERY synonym for pissed off.
Drita had no idea that Carla was going to meet with her, so of course she’s wondering why Carla is even trying.
“Ramona does not like Carla and obviously she does not like me. What the f—?” Drita says, and whether she’s just trying to convince herself that Ramona doesn’t like Carla, or she just knows that Ramona’s a phony, it’s anyone’s guess. Everyone seems to mistrust everyone else of think everyone else is the liar, so how in the world am I supposed to know who to believe? Yeesh. Carla tells Drita that Ramona said that Carla’s mind was being molded and manipulated by Drita, to which Drita scoffs “Ramona’s middle name is manipulator, and she’s a f—ing mastermind manipulator.”
Personally, I don’t let people mold my mind in any way, however, my brain turns to mush when I see absolute cuteness. Everyone meet little Louie, Big Ang’s new son. Or dog. Whatever.
“I went out on a few dates with this f—ing weeeeirdo,” Big Ang tells us (I assume this is the guy who was in jail for muuuurda?) but alas, he disappeared before he could deliver on his promise to buy Ang a dog, so she had to buy Little Louie herself. Louie might be the cutest lil’ guy that ever did wear a turtleneck,
but he also has an incontinence problem. No biggie. (No Big-Ang-ie, I should say.)
As Karen gears up for the book tour for Mob Daughter (did you know you can listen to an exclusive clip here?), she goes through some media training to protect herself in case things get heated during interviews.
Karen knows that since her dad is most famous for being a rat and since people might accuse her of profiting off “blood money,” she’s going to be a target of some criticism. “I’m not an aggressive person until I feel like someone’s attacking me…that’s how I survived the last twenty years,” Karen says, and she wants to keep the aggression during her tour down. Of course it’a not all media training and worrying about verbal attacks, there’s the glam side that comes with a book release, and that involves photo shoots and makeovers.
It all evens out.
Renee and Junior have their first couples therapy session with Dr. Mike, and immediately, Junior confesses that he was young and immature when their relationship began, which led to a lot of lying and cheating. Renee breaks down — Dr. Mike seems thrown by that, but don’t worry, Dr. Mike, you’ll get used to the crying — and she tells Junior “I don’t even remember it being that bad. You just insulted me.”
“How did I insult you?” Junior asks. Renee is just startled because she felt like they were really happy for a while “It was a beautiful relationship until you started f—ing the tramp that slides down the pole.” I love when angry Renee does not mince her words. But it gets worse. Renee brings up the fact that before she was with Junior, she was confident and felt beautiful, but that she’s always felt fat and unattractive because of him and got her liposuction because of him. Worse still, she says that Junior even told her during a recent moment of intimacy that the only reason he liked to look at her now during sex, as opposed to the past, is because she’s thin now. I think every woman in the world with any body insecurity might want to punch Junior in the face right about now. “I can’t believe you brought that up,” Junior tells her. We can’t either, but wow, it certainly helps paint a picture of their relationship. Junior totally shuts down after that, therapy session over.
Renee tries to apologize (ugh, I hate that she’s apologizing to him) while she’s waiting outside the courthouse for Ramona, who just attended her boyfriend’s arraignment. Junior hangs up on her (I mean, come on, guy, you are making it so hard for us to like you anymore!) right when Ramona exits the court.
Ramona says that even though shes grown up in this lifestyle, dealing with courts and jail and all this stuff is foreign to her. The other thing that’s going to be hard for her is telling her children that her boyfriend is in jail. Her heart is broken over her boyfriend, but she can’t bear the thought of how her kids will react, so she takes them on a nice relaxing picnic to tell them.
She also tells them that she had to spend some time in jail herself, and the kids take it surprisingly well, and their biggest concern is having Ramona tell her boyfriend they love and miss him. Aww.
In another “aww” moment, Drita and Lee speak for the first time in months, and it goes shockingly well. First of all, Drita’s at home trying to dodge Aleeya’s questions about whether or not she’s ever been in a fight. Ummmm. How do you tell your daughter that fight is, in fact, your middle name, and also, your photo appears alongside the word in the dictionary? Drita is completely uncomfortable and has no idea how to respond, when she’s saved by the bell.
The phone rings, and it’s Lee, and now Drita’s really wishing for the good old days when all she had to do was answer Aleeya, but now she’s faced with speaking to the man that she loves but also loathes.
“I know you’re upset and you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be, I f—ed up,” Lee tells her, before proposing that the two of them should be friends. Drita is beyond shocked that Lee is acting so big. On the other end of the spectrum is Karen, who has a vicious phone argument with David, the father of her child, who claims she abandoned her family in order to move to New York, and Renee, who says of her situation with Junior “I know my future isn’t going to be as bright as I expected it to be with Junior, and I feel myself falling into an empty pit alone.” And here’s what she says to that.