Basketball Wives – Episode 2 – Haterade


Now I understand why these women throw drinks so often. They’re pretending they just won the Super Bowl and they just want to pour some Haterade on someone’s head. There was a lot of mean-girl activity this week, right?

Before we get started, can I just throw this out there: Everyone had their moments as far as mocking, making fun, and smack-talking, but when did Suzie get so mean? Discuss. Moving on.

From our perspective, it looks like when Evelyn, Shaunie, and Tami get together, they are all on Team Evelyn and it’s a grand ole sh*t on Jennifer party. They’re there to rehash the fight between Evelyn and Jennifer and figure out where Evelyn’s head is at the moment, so Tami asks her “So what’s going to happen with y’all?” and Evelyn replies “Nothing, I just ain’t f—in’ with her.” She clarifies, saying “Jennifer is so caught up in her own little world right now that the people that really mattered don’t matter.” Then she makes my favorite face ever:

And whether it’s bitterness or confusion or just mean girl-ness, the three of them make fun of Jen’s bougie upbringing and impersonate her, and their mocking brings them much mirth and glee. I know Shaunie and Tami have claimed neutrality, but it doesn’t appear that way here, at least.

Over at the nail salon, Jen and Suzie are discussing the fight too, but while the other three ladies are all up in arms over Jen’s non-apology, Jen and Suzie are still wondering what she needed to apologize for. The blog post that upset Evelyn contained a line about how she and Jen don’t date the same kinds of people, which isn’t necessarily scathing, so clearly there are either other issues, or some subtext that has offended Evelyn. But Jennifer is only looking at this and judging it by the words that were printed, and she and Suzie fail to see what’s the big deal. “I’m worried about my own vagina, not yours,” Jennifer says. “You should do the same, I just don’t get it.”

Suzie hopes they can repair things because, as we’ve heard about forty times by now, it would be sad to see a friendship of over a decade end, but Jen tells Suzie “I’m eliminating the drama out of my life. Eric went, your ass is not exempt.”

Evelyn and her sister Sylvia meet up to discuss wedding plans because the wedding is just six months away, and Evelyn tells Sylvia that Jennifer won’t be invited, but that her wish is that her brother-in-law, Anthony, who’s currently battling cancer, will be able to make it. Later, Evelyn meets with her mom who suggests that Anthony be the one to walk Evelyn down the aisle, it’s an idea Evelyn never thought of but she loves it. “I would trade everything in to be able to just give him life. Every time I think about this day, I think about if he’s going to be there,” she says as they both break down.

“We YouTubed Kenya,” Suzie says, sitting down to lunch with Jennifer for their own round of mockery during this episode.

The watch Kenya perform in a music video she made, the video gets a 0% on their Rotten-Tomatometer. “We saw her acting like a wild f—ing animal on YouTube. I’m like, oh my God, how embarrassing. Look, I’m not gonna lie, Kenya making a video like that at her age is just off. Someone needs to tell her it’s not cute.”

“Maybe it’s for a pageant or something,” Jen says, offering the benefit of the doubt. But it’s too late, there’s already a lot of doubt cast over Kenya for these two.

Kenya’s music is also causing problems for Kesha, who has signed on as a consultant of sorts for Kenya, helping her coordinate a video shoot at the Juliet Supper Club, “the hottest club in New York.” Kenya and her entourage arrive at the club to arrange the shoot, but they’re a little deluded by how much time and money it’s going to take to pull it off, and no one is willing to spend the $8,000-plus it will take to rent out the space.

“Kenya and her team came across just…kinda clueless,” Kesha says. “She baffles me.”

Later, Royce joins them to discuss the concerns Kesha has about the video. (Off topic: How good does Royce’s hair look right now?)

But Kesha tells Kenya “I don’t want to extend myself if it’s not going to be an amazing production.”

Kenya thinks the girls are being pessimistic and this won’t be the last time that she’s going to face criticism from people this week. This episode began as “Everyone sh*ts on Jennifer” but it shall end with the sh*t falling on Kenya.

Suzie, who is also still baffled by Kenya’s homemade music videos, calls Kenya out on them when they all meet for lunch. She tells her she looks like a psychopath and asks “What is the point of putting yourself on YouTube in your thirties?” This statement, as insane as it sounds, actually makes some sense. When you think about the reasons people go to YouTube, it’s usually to watch kids doing/saying crazy sh*t, animals doing/saying crazy sh*t, or elderly people doing/saying crazy sh*t. So in that regard Suzie totally has the Internet figured out. BUT, I’m pretty sure she’s actually implying that there’s an expiration date for putting sexy videos on the internet which is just kind of weird and age-ist and doesn’t hold water. Kenya’s not pleased by the feedback.

Royce isn’t thrilled either. “I think Suzie needs to tone it down, it’s not a good look.”

Suzie meets up with Evelyn to continue the Kenya hateration and she shows Evelyn Kenya’s music video. “It seems like Kenya is singing on a treadmill and then there’s a fan blowing, I don’t know from where,” Evelyn says, which is all very true. But then she becomes my mom when she says “These YouTubes, I don’t get it!”

They then turn their attention to Kesha, because Suzie says Kesha called her out for being a pervert after her whole blow job/pepper mill incident from last week. “Maybe that’s why you were left at the altar, ’cause you weren’t giving any blow jobs,” Evelyn says. I mean, seriously. Damn.

Royce, who has thus far been staying out of trouble and staying focused on her acting career, meets with Tami because she does have some drama in her life at the moment, though it’s not related to any of the other girls. Royce has been in a serious relationship for a while (no, not with Brian from last season), but with a Tampa football player. Her dad unfortunately, is not on board and they’re currently not on speaking terms. Which is why it’s bittersweet when Royce finds out that she got the role she auditioned for in an off-Broadway show, and has to call him to tell him.

His response is underwhelming (when she tells him she got the part, he replied “All right”). Looks like even her good fortune isn’t going to cause them to reconcile any time soon, but that definitely hurts.

Back in Miami, Evelyn confronts Chad with some rumors of infidelity. She’s been reading all kinds of stories on Twitter and various websites that are calling Chad out for various indiscretions and she tells him “I don’t want to deal with this.” He responds that he’s a work in progress but she’s worried that the progress isn’t happening fast enough. “Everyone else wants us to fail,” she says, tearing up.

What follows is so confusing. Is this scene for real? Evelyn tells Chad she just wants to know what he’s up to when he’s on the road, and then he proposes that they pick up a woman to have a three-way, as long as they both like her. Ohhhhkay? I know this conversation has been edited down, but it makes no sense to me. A transcription of the most confusing part:

Evelyn: “I want you to be one hundred with me. And tell me. I’d rather know.”
Chad: “E, man, look, I’m on the road, I’m tryna—what’s up.”
Evelyn: “Tell me.”
Chad: “And then what?”
Evelyn: “I want to know…Got to the pharmacy and get condoms. I’m gonna be sick like a motherf—er but what can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth rather than you hide it. ‘Cause at the end of the day, you don’t have to tell me nothing.”
Chad: “All right.”
Evelyn: “I don’t want to have to babysit you but I’d rather you be real with me because Lord knows what could happen.”
Chad: “E, I think we should go out some time and if I see somebody I like, I think we should be able to bring her home.”
Evelyn: “Yeah but how ’bout if I don’t like her?”
Chad: “Putting any man back in that position of being able to discipline himself to deal with that one woman for the rest of his life…a lot have failed trying.”

First off, I call BS on Chad for basically saying that he’s just not capable of being monogamous.

So either they’re agreeing that Chad can cheat/pick out a three-way partner, and that’s cool, or we, the audience are majorly being f—ed with and they are masters at manipulating their image. I’m still not sure what the right answer is, but they are certainly geniuses when it comes to giving us a reason to keep our eyes on them. I mean let’s me real, now, we can’t take our eyes off of them no matter what.

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