Basketball Wives – Episode 3 – Apple Pie Face

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What did we learn this week on Basketball Wives? That Suzie is a terrible drunk, that Kenya‘s career needs a big boost, and the meaning of apple pie face.

Last week we left off with Evelyn and Chad discussing the state of their relationship and I admit to being completely confused because it seemed like he was admitting (and being allowed) to cheat. So Evelyn and Kesha‘s mind after they meet, along with Evelyn and Kenya. Not only does Suzie instantly blurt out that the Empire State Building looks like a penis on this night, but this also marks Evelyn’s first time meeting the two new girls. Her first impressions are that Kesha is thin, cute and stylish, and Kenya’s weave is off-center. “It’s a little the left. It’s leaning,” she says.

The hits keep coming for Kenya too, because they ladies go in on her again for her YouTube videos and Evelyn says “After I told her that her YouTube sucked and she wasn’t sexy, she understood and she took it very well.” Simple as that. Truthfully, Kenya does take it very well and she tells Evelyn she appreciates her honesty. I guess Evelyn offered her a different type of honesty from Suzie who, if you recall, called Kenya a psychopath and a nutball after she watched the videos. Kesha also offered constructive criticism too, by telling Kenya she should take the videos down. After last week’s criticism where Kesha told Kenya her feelings on her upcoming video (To paraphrase “I can’t be involved unless it’s going to be spectacular”), Kenya is still harboring some resentment and it’s all about to come out in 3…2…1…

At the dancer auditions for Kenya’s video, Royce and Kesha show up to offer some advice. Before it all begins though, Kenya has some words for the group. She tells them, along with her entourage, that Kesha never believed in this video but that she is so appreciative of everyone for pulling this together. It’s a little bit of a slap in the face to Kesha,

but at least these guys are like “We will take that compliment.”

“….And the award goes to….Kenya Bell,” Royce says after Kenya’s dramatic speech. She and Kesha are in total shock that Kenya made this announcement in front of everyone. “I was trying to help you,” Kesha tells Kenya, offended. “I’m pretty much done with her.” So soon?? The season has just started!

Royce and Kesha tell Tami about these shenanigans and Tami’s reaction is pure Tami, she says “Now if Kenya gives me all that attitude and sh*t she gave Royce and Kesha, baby, I will be so in the wind and she will be left with that bad weave and that bad ass choreography and them f—ed-up clothes.” (Oh, how I’ve missed this, it reminds me of the days when she would hurl insults at Meeka on a daily basis.)

During their brunch, Kesha invites Tami to a cancer benefit she’s holding that she wants all the women to attend, and then the conversation turns to Lyric and Jazz, Tami’s daughters, who are still working on music but need some help as dancers. Tami asks Royce to help them out and then tells Kesha “You can swing by too, but I don’t need your opinion,” which, I don’t know, could be taken in an insulting way or it could be taken in a joking way. Kesha takes it in the insulting way. Don’t worry, everyone, this will come back as a bigger issue later. They always do.

Shaunie‘s in town to meet the new girls, and since they’re fresh off their awkward audition confrontation, it’s a weird first impression. Kesha tells them that she was offended by Kenya and hasn’t gotten a chance to discuss it, and Kenya’s like “Let’s discuss!” Here? Now? With an audience? Okay! “The vibe between Kesha and Kenya at that table is hilarious,” Evelyn notes. “For once it’s not us!” And Kenya’s not really happy that Kesha’s selling her out.

As Kesha regales them with the tale of their professional demise, Kenya butts in with “Okay, apple-pie face,” which must be a Detroit regionalism, because no one understands what she means. “It’s a term of endearment,” she says. Ohhhhhhh, apple-pie face.

“You’re getting carried away. You need to calm your little self down. Now you’re about to piss me off,” Kenya warns Kesha, who is no longer her apple-pie face because now that Kesha’s getting into all the details, it’s going to make her look a certain way in front of her new friends. Kenya argues that her only intentions were to repeat the “constructive criticism” that she received, but Tami’s like, it seemed like a jab and if it were directed at me, you’d get a jab to the neck.

Still, the trend with Kenya seems to be that even when one of the other women calls her out, she views it as positive, constructive commentary, but when Kesha says anything, it’s just negative and unhelpful. So Kenya meets with Tami to get her advice on how to further her music career because “Unlike Kesha and whatever she supposedly did — but didn’t — do for me, Tami has a good heart.” I mean, seriously. Did anyone expect that we’d need to separate these two? We ALL thought they were friends, but alas. Tami is happy to help, although she (and Evelyn) have both expressed some reservations about Kenya, like they’re waiting for some shoe to drop with her.

Tami brings in her Glam Squad to help with Kenya’s image, too, which is very generous because, she says, they flew in for this meeting, but Kenya is unprepared, forgetting to bring her computer, not having any headshots printed out, and using a hotel CD player to play her music. “I was very offended,” Tami says. “I think everybody at this table thinks Kenya’s a hot-ass mess.”
They also take aim at her hair (that hair has certainly been a target all night, huh?)
“You look like one of our aunties,” Tami’s stylist says.

Kenya’s also not prepared to show the Glam Squad any dance moves, and Tami’s disappointment continues to grow. “You ask me to do a monologue, I got five on deck. Be prepared,” she says. So Kenya, in her big peasant coat and bulky skirt, gets up and she attempts a few moves before declaring “I can dance, but I can’t dance in this,” and sits back down. “Beyonce can dance in anything,” says anther stylist. This is officially making me feel better about every job interview I’ve ever bombed ever.
This is the look that sums up how we’re all feeling:

Royce partners with a charity called Preserve Our Legacy, which has asked her to host a benefit. She’s invited Suzie, Kenya, and Kesha to attend, but when she walks in and notices that they’re all at the bar, she says a prayer. “Lord, please don’t let this become a sh*t-fest.”

Kesha’s been telling Suzie all about the Kenya drama and Suzie, who is pounding drinks at the open bar, is thrilled to hear that someone else doesn’t like Kenya.

But all I can say is thank God Kenya was there because Suzie started getting out of control. Down the hatch, the drinks went, and she got more unruly as the night went on, checking her phone, loudly asking for spring rolls, all while Royce was tearfully expressing her gratitude to the people at the charity.

“How are you going to put me at a bar at a charity event and expect me not to drink?” Suzie asks, and to which I respond “Because you are an adult with free will.” I’m a fan of free stuff, too, but just because there’s a tray of sandwiches in the conference room doesn’t mean I binge on ten of them (not today, anyway).
Everyone is embarrassed, but Kesha is also worried because she’s holding her charity event soon and Suzie’s invited. So get ready for the most heckle-y charity event ever, Kesha!

In the final scene of the night, we finally get a glimpse at what makes Tami tick. She’s begun therapy to work on her anger management and reveals a whole world of hurt that is shocking, violent, and sad. She tells her therapist about two rapes she endured as a child, being held up at gunpoint, and abuse she suffered at the hands of someone close to her. It’s really no wonder she takes her anger out on others, and doesn’t appreciate hands in her face.

Tami admits that talking through it all in therapy is more painful than helpful, but she’s taking it the only way a person in her situation can, one day at a time.

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