Not much has changed since we last saw La La Anthony last season. She’s busier than ever and now that the NBA lockout is over, so is Melo. “Thank God for technology. Between Skyping and sexting and texting and sex-Skyping — is that even a word? — it keeps us occupied.”
La also has a new makeup line, Motives for La La, which she’s the face of, so actually, some things have changed, she’s actually managed to be busier than she was before.
Oh, and along with Po and Dice, La is bringing her buddy Charlamagne on board to the show. So wait, did I say not much has changed this season? I lied. A lot is changing. For those who may not know, Charlamagne is a radio DJ in New York and as La La says “He says a lot of times what everyone’s thinking but doesn’t have the guts to say.” This is going to create some drama in just a few moments…
And we also meet Asani, who is the Director of Operations for Anthony, Inc. That just means she’s Melo’s assistant who also tends to the rest of the family’s needs when necessary. But you know, for business card purposes, I like my title better.
Charlamagne has never met Asani, but when he finds out that the shortie with the glasses travels with Melo to his away games, his face reads “Whose idea was that?”
“Don’t be like that, she’s a good girl, she’s God-fearing, she wears glasses,” Po says, trying to rid Charlamagne of his dirty thoughts. “See how she got her glasses on now? That’s her alter ego,” he tells Po. “She takes her glasses off and she’s like Super Side Chick.”
La La and her gang go to dinner later where the talk turns to strip clubs. “What is the real attraction with a guy going to strip clubs?” she asks, and the question isn’t because she’s faint of heart on the subject, moments before, she admitted to performing sexy dances and taking pictures for Melo (and sex-Skyping!) to keep him interested. “It’s like a man spa,” Charlamagne tells them. La La is fine with that line of thinking until Charlamagne says he had sex with a stripper once. Yoinks!
That’s not what La La wanted to hear, knowing that her husband occasionally frequents these joints. Po and Dice have similar looks of concern on their faces. “Who wants to think about men cheating when your man is in Portland and you haven’t seen him in sixteen days?” she asks. “I think it’s known that athletes have women around them and go out and there’s people trying to get to them everywhere, so all I can do is trust Melo until he gives me a reason not to.”
Po and Dice let La La know that Charlamagne thinks Asani is Melo’s “contracted biddy” and La La implies that if she finds out that’s the case, it’s gonna get dealt with. She meets with Kelly Rowland and her friend Angie to tell them about the situation and Angie’s like “You don’t hire a cute, sexy girl to work for your man.” La La tells them “When I hired Asani, it was on her character, her morals —”
“And it never crossed your mind how pretty she was?” Po asks.
Nope. Never did.
La La isn’t the only family member who’s doing photo shoots these days, Kiyan is the face of Jordan Kids, so he’s working hard on his poses too.
Carmelo and Asani show up to the shoot after he’s gone through some physical therapy and La La is much more wary now and has her eye on Asani. “Now I’m looking like:”
Dice notices all the sideways glances too. “What people are saying is weighing a little heavy on her,” she says. But the best way to get over the heavy is to “be in touch with your inner stripper freakiness,” in La’s opinion, so she invites her friend Gigi, who is a stripper herself, over to teach her a thing or two.
Gigi teaches them the police officer which requires some butt and chest work.
And then she tries to show La La how to booty pop. Po doesn’t think it’s La La’s best work. “There was just a butt but it wasn’t poppin.’ She couldn’t dance to save her life.”
Uh, La La might not be great at these moves, but let’s talk about Dice who’s butt pops with the best of them.
The only way to really figure out what’s going on with Asani and Melo though, is to go right to the source, so La La and Asani go out and La tells her her concerns, starting with Charlamagne’s thoughts.
“Oh, Charlamagne. That’s very creative of him,” Asani says. “I have to ask though,” La La tells her. “Are you messing with my man?”
Asani assures her she is not.
“Not with Melo,” Asani laughs.”It frustrates me because it makes me feel like you can’t be beautiful and have some level of integrity,” and she finishes by telling La La she loves her.
“I love you, too. But if you ever try to f— my man…”
“…I will f— you up,” La La jokes. Looks like Asani is all God-fearing, glasses wearing alter ego after all. Super Side Chick she is not. Someone tell Charlamagne.