Basketball Wives – Episode 8 – Planet Bananas


This week, we learned about a new place in our solar system, inhabited solely by Kenya, and invented by Suzie. That place is Planet Bananas.

But before we get to Kenya’s video screening and Royce and Jennifer‘s reconciliation (!), let’s rewind.

“All of a sudden I see this wine bottle flying towards me. I duck for the wine bottle, just covering my head,” Suzie says, regaling us of the tale of when Evelyn flipped out on Kenya. “Then I see a plate flying at my head, I duck for that. I feel like I was in Iraq.” Something tells me that anyone who was ever in combat in Iraq wishes their problems involved sitting in a wine bar, ducking and covering from a bottle and a plate. But Suzie is allowed her own feelings.

As Evelyn laments not being able to actually make contact with her target, asking producers “Why do y’all do that s— all the time? Let me get the f— in,” Shaunie just can’t believe that a bottle actually just whirred past her head.

Evelyn defends her actions, telling Shaunie that she is loyal to her friends and whatever Kenya did (or couldn’t remember if she did), well, “You can’t do that.” But…But what, Shaunie?

Tami definitely wanted Kenya to get a beat down as much as anyone but says that she stepped in because “I couldn’t let you kill her. You would have killed that girl.” Doesn’t matter though, because Evelyn’s not done.

Suzie and Jen are working off the mojitos that fuel this show over at the gym, when Suzie once again brings up the fact that Royce and Jennifer should really consider making up. This whole conversation takes place while Jen is just trying to tone with the help of a medicine ball.

Jen and Royce haven’t had a friendly conversation for a while now, and Suzie just wants everyone to get to a place where they can all be in the same room together. What Suzie doesn’t realize is that in the Basketball Wives universe, there is a delicate balance of getting along, and for every relationship that gets repaired, another must suffer. For each “Evelyn forgives Suzie” moment, there is a “Tami slaps Meeka” moment to displace it, like when Indiana Jones must replace the idol with a bag of sand in Raiders of the Lost Ark (anyone?). For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. So if Royce and Jen ever make up, that will only fan the flames of Evelyn/Kenya hate or Tami/Kesha clashing.

Jen is still annoyed that Royce talked about her nude picture leak on Twitter and she continued to be annoyed when Royce met with Hollywood Producer Eric to discuss a part in his film (did that thing ever get off the ground??), but she says “I can go anywhere and be cordial with anyone,” which echoes Royce’s statement last week that she can “coexist with anyone,” so it sounds like maybe these two don’t give enough of a s— about their past beef to keep it going, which is nice. So rare these days to see, you know? Here’s Jen’s excited face when Suzie confirms that she’s going to set this thing up.

When they do meet up, there’s a moment of icy cold air and steely gazes, but as soon as they start talking, they accomplish what Suzie set out to do.

Jennifer tells Royce she was mad at what Royce said about her on Twitter (if you recall, Royce supposedly retweeted something negative about her), but Royce denies that she ever wrote anything. Jen admits that she never even saw what was supposedly out there in the Twittersphere and accepts responsibility for getting mad over something she really didn’t know she was mad over. “I swear I was fighting back tears but I didn’t want to seem really sappy and corny,” Suzie says after brokering their peace deal. “Normally these things never work out for me when I want people to make up.” Ain’t that the truth.

Shaunie, Tami and Evelyn meet to confirm that they believe that Kenya is a liar. “Last night, I saw crazy,” Shaunie confirms. And then the talk turns to the bottle-throwing. “I don’t know what I would have done if the bottle hit me. Potentially somebody would be in the hospital,” Tami says. “Probably Evelyn.”

“If you woulda came down on her with that bottle, that would have been something you really didn’t want to get into,” Tami tells Evelyn. “You possibly could have been in handcuffs,” Shaunie tells us. But despite the gravity of that statement, they laugh through their meal, which is a little weird. An inch to the left, funny. An inch to the right, jail. Once again, beverage trajectory determined Evelyn’s fate, and it was on her side this time.

Now is the statement that we all wait for each season. The statement that sounds promising in theory but always ends up doing more harm than damage. Shaunie exclaims “We need to go away! Why don’t we go somewhere tropical and just chill?” Oh yeah, sure. Let’s all go to an island with no escape to hash out our feelings. With a bunch of women who borderline hate each other.
“Are you going to be okay if Jen goes?” Tami asks Evelyn. Hm.

Really, what combination of women would work on a trip to Tahiti? I mean, maybe just Tami, Shaunie and Evelyn, to me, that’s the only conflict-free ensemble.

At happy hour, a concept that Jennifer is unfamiliar with (“Why are all these people at the bar in suits? Did they come here straight from work?”), Suzie tells Jen about Kenya’s continued fascination with her, claiming that Kenya is obsessed. Personally, I don’t think that Kenya is taking her style cues from Jen at this moment…this is not a Jen-inspired look, IMO.

“Suzie keeps talking about how Kenya is like, stalking me,” Jen says, but Jen still sees the good in Kenya. They agree to attend Kenya’s video screening though, which is conveniently being held in Jen’s apartment building. “The bitch is from planet bananas,” Suzie says, and it’s now my favorite thing Suzie, or anyone on this show, has ever said.

Suzie says she’s going to have to get hammered before the screening to get through it, something she’s experienced at.

At the party, the leader of Tami’s Diva Glam Squad, Shauna, tells Kenya that she’s turned into Single Black Female, she’s been trying to copy Jen, Tami, and Evelyn’s style since she met them all, and she needs to assume her own identity. This makes everyone uncomfortable, mostly Jen and Kenya.

“We have Kenyelyn, we have Jenya, and we have Kenye. I don’t know who I’ve met I don’t know who she is tonight, but she’s not Kenya, I’m just sayin’,” Royce says. Everyone gangs up on poor Kenya at her own party to call her out for not being herself. “I’m just being me. Maybe me is a mixture of all of them and that’s what makes me so fabulous!” Kenya defends. Now it’s time for the video screening itself though, since this night was not just about tearing Kenya’s image apart. As they watch the video for her song, “Choices,” the ladies all react in their own special ways.

Royce watches with confusion.

Suzie watches for the comedy of it.

And Tami can’t bear to watch it at all.

“I think it’s good that you have an ambition but just compliment your look. And age,” Suzie tells her when it’s over, and everyone laughs because Kenya is 38. Which is close to 40. Which is disgusting.

“You haven’t shown this video to anyone else, have you?” Shauna asks. “Let’s keep this one as a keepsake.”

Kenya asked for them to be honest, but this is like insult as sport, and Kenya doesn’t appreciate it.

Among some of the additional feedack she receives, Jen tells her she needs a stylist, Royce tells her she can’t dance, Shauna tells her that her rapper stole her focus, and Kesha tells her she should have taken her advice to be surrounded by a bunch of guys. “You really can sing, Kenya, but you have to learn how to listen and take criticism,” Shauna tells her. And for the first time since they’ve started to hang out, Jen realizes that Kenya’s not quite the person she thought she was.

“You know what Kenya? Keep going trying to be all of us until you turn into somebody else,” Tami says.

Finally, Tami takes some time away from the other girls to sit down with her mother to tell her she’s been to a therapist to deal with her anger issues.

Just admitting that she’s been to therapy seems to surprise her mom, but when she tells her mother “Somebody violated me when I was younger, so it just put me on defense with a lot of people,” she tells her mom, and then explains that while that wasn’t her mothers fault, the fact that she didn’t feel protected or emotionally close to her mother has always been an issue. “Do you realize my kids ask me for a hug? We don’t have that relationship, we don’t hug each other. We say we love each other, but we don’t have that,” she tells her mom, who breaks down. This episode ends in stark contrast to last week where the bottles were flying, but it’s not that different. Where Evelyn was trying to hear what she needed to hear from Kenya, it’s obvious that Tami also clung to her mother’s words and actions, hoping to hear something or feel something that never came.

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