When a guy like Antonio comes along, you’re probably going to do what Raquel does and sext him during that downtime when you’re not jumping his bones. Fortunately for Raquel, she also has a friend like Keisha who’s an old pro at the art of the sex text and can help her add some colorful language to her mobile mischief.
Omar also happens to have a dirty mind and helps out on the texting front too, and Raquel is happy to let them take charge, because she’s liberated by her relationship with Antonio. She’s relaxed, she’s happy, and she lets herself finally, for once in her life, go with the flow.
Poor April can’t go with any flow, because men keep breaking their dates with her and she is hard up for any kind of lovin’. Keisha remarks that in matters of love it’s always feast or famine, and last week, April had a man who loved to feast on her, so it’s only natural that she has a famine phase. Keisha is setting herself up for famine too, because she plans to move all her stuff out of Malcolm’s house to break things off once and for all, and she has no plans to go back to Sean either. For now, Raquel is going to have to get enough loving to hold everyone over, but that doesn’t sound like it’s going to be a problem.
Omar and Derek, one of the only solid couples on the show, have been living together (“in sin”)
for a while, and Derek’s parents who are visiting aren’t happy about that. And the only logical thing for Omar to do to avoid the eye of judgment is to be mature about it and work long hours at the boutique so he never has to see them. It’s not that they’re intolerant of their gay lifestyle, it’s that they’re intolerant of their unmarried lifestyle, and Omar has no plans to take the plunge soon, so it’s an awkward sitch. But when the ladies and Derek and Omar go out for a group dinner, Derek proposes, to everyone’s shock, and Omar accepts, to everyone’s even more shock. He’s a sucker for a pretty ring.
“I consider it a promise ring,” Omar tells Keisha later. “As in, I promise to think about marriage later.”
As much as Raquel and Antonio have been sexting, he refuses to spend the night with her which disappoints her (and us). Even though they make out like teenagers, Antonio leaves her place early with the old “I have to get up early for work” excuse, but we’re pretty sure horses can handle themselves for a few extra hours, so the line seems suspect.
Their next date is better. Sort of. “Tonight is all about you,” Antonio tells Raquel after they watch a movie at her apartment and he makes a move on her.
As they cuddle, Antonio pulls out a sheet of paper to remind himself of the twelve steps, which shocks Raquel because she had no idea he was an addict. A sex addict. “I was doing so well until…you,” he tells her. Part of his treatment was to remain celibate for six months which he didn’t do (I mean, you can’t expect a sexy stable boy not to have sex in the hay), and Raquel feels completely responsible for his falling off the wagon. He tells her he thinks they might have a future, if only he can make it six more sexless months. And Raquel cares enough about him to agree.
At the shop, Raquel tells Keisha about Antonio’s sex addiction and explains that in spite of it, she plans to stay with him, and Keisha isn’t a fan of that idea. It would be impossible to have a healthy, real relationship with an addict, Keisha explains, and Raquel wonders how Keisha has gained so much wisdom. “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew,” Keisha simply tells her. Isn’t that where we all gleaned our best relationship advice? Raquel remains firm that she won’t leave Antonio.
Keisha makes good on her promise to move her things out of Malcolm’s mansion, but while she’s there, he shows up and asks if they can have a proper goodbye, “our way.” “Their way” involves letting their private parts breathe and say how do you do and I must be going now to one another very sexily on the floor of Malcolm’s billiard room, fyi.
Malcolm thinks that their sex goodbye made everything better and gets annoyed when Keisha actually starts leaving, which she always planned to do. Was he in denial, or is he really that self-assured that one lusty afternoon could solve all their problems, (problem numero uno being the fact that he’s funding his ex-wife’s life and helping her flee the country)? Yes, yes he really was that confident. But Keisha isn’t interested and tells him to take one final look at her ass as she walks away. As far as final views go, it’s not bad.
Keisha is desperate to make some real money now, legitimately and not the “Uncle Sam will come and find you” way, so she asks her boss to throw some extra homes her way so she can try to sell them. There’s one in particular that’s in foreclosure that Keisha gets her hands on and when she goes to visit it, she sees that its not actually vacant after all, Joe Mason, shirtless boxer, has been living there.
Joe is training for a big boxing match but has no money, so he can’t afford an apartment, so he offers Keisha a deal. She let’s him stay at the house, and he fixes it up for a sale. She agrees and then tries not to drool as he continues his workout.
Have we mentioned that poor April is seriously hard up for love? And it doesn’t help that her neighbors are actually two rabbits that seem to f— constantly and loudly, so she decides that if you can’t beat ‘em, you should join ‘em. “April Goldberg, party of one,” she says as she reaches into her bedside table and grabs her electric boyfriend…
…who runs out of batteries instantly. Seriously, down to the tiniest detail, nothing can go right for April this season. She even feels like she’s drifting apart from Keisha who reassures her that they’re friends forever, no matter what they’re both dealing with.
They plan a girls night out which is the cement of all lady friendships, and as April leaves the apartment, Malcolm knocks on the door to enter.
He makes up an excuse for coming over, returning Keisha’s scarf, but his intentions aren’t just to return it, more like to tie her up with it. Once again, the ex-sex prevails and Keisha will never be free of this sexy, sexy man.
Keisha is also having a hard time shaking Joe Boxer, because even though weeks have passed and he’s fixed up the home he’s been squatting in, he refuses to leave. So Keisha brings in the big guns, i.e. Sean, to muscle him out. Sean’s muscle happens to be the law, and he calls in a favor to a judge to get a court order to send Joe away.
As Joe is sent packing, Keisha is grateful to Sean who’s still pining away for her. Except his version of pining is similar to Malcolm’s, he wants something that he thinks is rightfully his. “I’m coming for you, Keisha,” he tells her, and it’s less ominous-creepy-stalkery than it sounds, but it’s still pretty territorial. She tells him she’s not ready to handle a new relationship and he backs off, telling her “I know you’re not ready but when you are, I’m here.”
At the boutique, Derek rushes in to snatch up Omar for a lunch with their friends which is also a surprise engagement party, and Omar does the right thing by fessing up. He tells Derek he’s not actually ready to get married and that he knows they’ll regret rushing into it. Derek’s response? “Thank God!” The proposal wasn’t even Derek’s idea, it was his parents’, and he never wanted to say no or hurt anyone’s feelings. And that’s also the reason Omar accepted the proposal in the first place. So at least they have that in common. Turns out, they both drive each other crazy and can’t actually even handle living together anymore, so in one moment’s time they go from engaged to broken up to friends who have drinks after work, no hard feelings. At least Omar gets custody of his “furry little baby,” Peanut.
Raquel may have chosen to stay with Antonio, but sadly, staying in the reationship with her would be counterproductive to his treatment and he tells her he needs to break things off.
“I thought I could control it, especially after I admitted it to you,” he tells Raquel. But he can’t. He fell off the wagon and into another woman’s vagina last night, and Raquel is devastated.
Between bad timing, bad luck, and bad sex addictions, none of these women can find their one and only true love…but for now, they still have each other and that girls night doesn’t come soon enough.