My vocabulary is expanding rapidly thanks to Mob Wives Chicago, and in the first scene from this week’s episode, we learn what Christina now thinks of her former friend, Pia: “She’s a two-faced beefer.”
“She got the brain of a dead ant, if you wanna know the truth,” Leah chimes in. But it’s not just Pia that they’re trash talking today, they also have no love for Nora who they think is a whack-job and an idiot. “There was never no problems between Christina and Pia until Nora came back from Florida and landed at O’Hare,” Leah explains.
So of course while Christina and Leah sit around talking smack about Nora and Pia, Nora and Pia are sitting around talking smack about Christina, too. (No one has really brought Leah into the fold, so there’s no direct beef with her yet, but don’t you worry, that’ll change.) And even though Renee doesn’t like Pia, Pia actually does want to try to make nice with her because she thinks they have more in common than meets the eye. She plans to bring her daughter around too so that maybe seeing Pia in mom mode will “soften her up.” Good luck with that, Pia!
Getting to know Renee a bit more, we learn that she owns Eye Candy Optical, a high-end glasses store, with her boyfriend Dave. It’s a little hard being in business with Dave right now, especially given her current situation with her custody battle for her ten-year-old, Isabella, so there’s some tension there.
When Pia walks into Eye Candy, Renee is pissed off. She hugs her and welcomes her and her daughter, Bella, warmly, but then two-facedly is like “The nerve of her to come into my store!”
Pia just wants to invite Renee to lunch to get to know her, but Renee is frozen because she sooo doesn’t want to go but can’t say no. Renee gets even more agitated when Pia recognizes Dave and says hi. “How the f— do these two know each other?” she asks.
Even though the two are just acting like old friends, Renee is shocked that they know one another and she assumes the only thing she ever assumes about Pia, that she slept with him. “Dave’s a guy, Pia’s a ho-bag. Do the math.”
Renee meets with the two other members of the Anti-Pia Brigade, Leah and Christina, to tell them how she just waltzed into the glasses store unannounced, and that she wanted to hang out with Renee.
The only conclusion Christina comes up with is that Pia is desperate for friends, or at least desperate to win over Renee. In the most lyingest lie of liarsville, Renee tells them “I’m not here to judge [Pia], but come on. Pia’s a stripper. How do you feel good about yourself?” Sounds a bit judgey to me, and to Leah, too. Leah may not like Pia for fighting, but she would never judge her for the work she does, and when Renee throws it out there that she thinks Dave and Pia had a little “zada zing” going on, Leah again gives Pia the benefit of the doubt.
Renee confronts Dave first about his connection to Pia, saying “If he knows her from the pole, we got some frickin’ problems.” Renee grills Dave about how he knows Pia and he says he’s known her forever and she’s always been nice to him, they’re just friendly acquaintances, but Renee refuses to believe that. She asks if he’s ever seen her strip, and when he says no she accuses him of lying. It’s painful to watch because there’s only one answer Renee will accept, whether it’s the truth or not. She thinks something is definitely up.
“Who the f— do you think you are?” Dave asks. “You’ve dated scumbags your entire life.” Renee taunts him to leave her then, and he does, to which she says “You only run when you’re guilty.” Or…when you’re fed up?
Nora’s father’s birthday is here and she wants to have a little memorial party to commemorate. She invites Pia, Renee, and her Florida BFF, Julie to attend, and she gets pretty upset when Renee doesn’t show up on time. They decide to order lunch without her, and Pia tells her not to get upset about anything just yet. When Renee finally shows up, she gets the cold shoulder from Nora, but it’s Pia, once again, that she’s mad at, just because she has to sit next to her. I can’t handle this. Pia’s stripper job is not going to rub off on you, Renee! You will not catch some un-classy cooties!
Things settle and Julie offers a toast in honor of Frank, Nora’s dad, and she says Frank actually whispered in her ear last night how proud he is of Nora, and it was a nice toast that made Nora get teary.
Cue yet another one of Renee’s incredulous reaction faces…
…But she’s not upset about the toast, she’s upset because Julie is wearing a shirt Renee loaned to Nora two months ago. Seriously. And then not a moment after the dessert is brought out, Renee hightails it outta there. Who’s classy now?
Over in “Don’t get involved, oh, I’m gonna get involved”-land, Leah tells Christina she’s going to have dinner with Pia because she hates drama and wants to be cordial with her, despite Pia’s drama with everyone else. Leah wants to try to restore some peace, but Christina isn’t into that idea. But tough, Leah’s doin’ it anyway.
But first, Pia has to meet with Renee. Renee has two problems with Pia, the first is that Pia swore in her store, and Renee says that’s not the place for swearing and that she doesn’t swear herself. (What??) Pia is like, you do realize we’re on a show called Mob Wives, right?
The second issue Renee brings up is Dave. She thinks Pia and Dave had a thing, which Pia also denies. “I never dated Dave, we never slept together, we never fooled around,” Pia reassures her.
But Renee doesn’t believe her and tells her to listen up, and listen good, which is when Pia is like, nope, I won’t actually. “I wanna take her and her Boy George hat and throw her off the balcony now,” Pia says. Best line ever. “Christina seems like a saint compared to this motherf—er,” Pia says as she walks out on Renee.
Round two of Pia trying to make nice with people comes when she has a drink with Leah. They two have known each other a long time but haven’t seen one another in a minute. Pia explains that she misses Christina, but she’s had a history of abuse in her life, and having a physical altercation with a friend has turned her off. They also discuss Nora (who Leah hates) and Leah suggests the four of them all go out to figure their issues out. This sounds like it’s going to be more drama, not less, but here goes.
They all get together and Pia and Christina rehash their fight and agree a lot was said and done that they regret. “We’re here now, and if we can move on, let’s move on,” Christina says. And even though last week they were fine with never speaking again, this week they have a change of heart and are able to move forward.
One issue down, one to go.
“Last time I saw Nora at the Italianfest, she was a f—ing b—h,” Leah reminds us, so her beef is a-brewin’ and it’s about to come out. When Leah reminds her about the day they met when Nora shook Leah’s hand off her and refused to dance with her, Nora explains “I don’t talk to people I don’t know,” and offers no apology.
“She doesn’t talk to strangers?” Christina asks. “Who the f— does she talk to? She has no friends!”
“That’s just how I was raised,” Nora continues. “I don’t need to change, honey.” Nora convinces Leah though that they should let bygones be bygones. And with that, “Let’s have a cocktail.”
Leah’s wary, and she plans to take things one day at a time with Nora (“She’s on a probation period with me”), but for now, cocktails are a start.