There’s peace between 80% of the Mob Wives of the Windy City this week, but basically everyone has beef with Renee. To start, Nora is still pissed off that Renee came late and left early at Nora’s dad’s memorial brunch, and when she meets Renee at brunch to address the matter, Nora puts on a master class in the art of passive aggression. Renee’s not psyched to be the target of this display.
They become twelve for a second when Renee says “Don’t you ever throw anything in my face ever again,” and Nora says “I wasn’t throwing that in your face,” and Renee says “Yeah, you are.” Nora’s like “No, I’m not.” “Yeah, you are.” “No, I’m not.” “Yeah, you are.” “No, I’m not.” And so on and so forth for an incredibly long, immature length of time until Nora says “This conversation is over.”
Later, Renee meets with her friend Chrisy to tell her all about Nora’s bad attitude.
Chrisy, who has never liked Nora, tells Renee “you already have two children, you don’t need three. Done,” and tells Renee basically to give it up with Nora. Renee has paid Nora’s bills, given her clothes and paid for her manicures, and Renee feels like she’s gotten bupkis in return. “Who’s the dummy right now?” Chrisy asks. “You are.”
Pia and her daughter Bella have a close relationship (pretty sure this is the only pair on the show that we can count on not to pull hair or throw drinks at each other). So when Pia picks Bella up from school and sits her down to have a serious discussion, it seems like it might really be a heavy conversation. Pia gravely tells Bella “I think I might get my boobs redone.”
Bella wants to know how big her mom plans to go, and Pia assures her “I’m not gonna look cartoonish.” “Let’s hope not,” Bella says. You have to love that Pia, a stripper, is telling her daughter, who is dressed full-out in a Catholic school uniform, about her boob job plans and seeking her approval. I’m just sure there’s some symbolism here.
As Pia and Nora go to the self-service doggy groomer to wash their dogs, Nora slips away to check her messages and she receives a less-than-polite one from Renee who, it would appear, is ready to terminate the friendship. Norah makes Pia listen to it.
Yes, this profanity-laced message is from Renee, the woman who told Pia last week how unclassy it is to swear. Selective memory much, Renee?
Renee has also sent Nora texts which she shows to Pia that are also unclassy and unkind, not to mention in need of a lesson in the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
Christina meets up for dinner with Leah and Leah’s dad Wolf. Leah lives with her dad (and she’s proud to do so) and they’re really tight.
Christina’s not as tight with her own dad, which is why she hasn’t told him yet that she’s been divorced for like a year. “How long can you hold a secret?” Leah asks. P.S. Doesn’t Leah’s hair look phenomenal today?
Wolf thinks honesty is the best policy and that’s how he’s survived all these years with Leah, by being totally honest. But she’s like “Well maybe I was telling you what I was doing from A to W, but I wasn’t sharing X, Y, and Z.” L.O.L.
Nora shows up to Renee’s with a suitcase full of borrowed clothes and a fistful of money to pay Renee back, and they both have a chest-load of issues that needs to be unloaded. “Did you hear your voice message?” Nora asks Renee, and Renee, who gets crazy eyes at the drop of a hat, tells her “I meant everything I said.”
The insults are hurled, with Renee screaming at Nora to go to AA and Nora screaming at Renee that she hopes she loses her daughter in her custody battle. Whoa. Both of these women know how to hit waaay below the belt.
“You better run like Forrest Gump you motherf—er, ’cause I’m coming for you,” Renee says after Nora says that about her daughter. When Renee’s boyfriend Dave comes home later (hey, I guess they didn’t break up after all last week!) and she tells him what went down, his response is “Maybe Nora was in a bad mood. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” Dave, Dave, Dave. You know that’s a bad response, right? Especially since your girlfriend is already angry at you? Oy.
Pia and Christina meet up to have a one on one because even though they resolved their issues in a group situation, they haven’t discussed their problems. And they do, in a reasonable, adult fashion. Pia explains that even though a lot of the other women are wary of Nora, Pia wants to be her friend because Nora doesn’t have a lot of friends and she needs the support.
“I miss your crazy ass,” Christina says. “I missed her too,” Pia tells us and they hug it out. Hatchet buried and all is right with the world.
After Renee goes through the clothing and money Nora returned to her, she’s still pissed off because not all of the clothes are there. The clothes that do get returned are promptly thrown in the garbage though (???), and apparently Nora didn’t leave enough money. So basically we’re back at square one and Renee is still rip-roaring angry.
Christina meets with her dad to break the news to him that she’s divorced, and the way she brings it up is by telling him “You know me and Joe are divorced, right?”
In a way, the phrasing is genius because it puts all the onus on her dad to have known this before, and the responsibility is sort of, somehow off her.
“Really?” he responds. “Well, that’s dumb. I wish you woulda never told me that.” So hey, her hiding it from him for a year was the right thing to do all along!
“I don’t get him. It’s okay to be a burglar but it’s not okay to get a divorce?” Christina asks. She makes a good point. Unfortunately she’s still bearing a burden because she hasn’t told her daughter yet. Hopefully she’ll take it a little better.
When Nora tells Pia what went down with Renee, Pia thinks it’s crazy. “First she’s accusing me of sleeping with her boyfriend, then she’s calling Nora and alcoholic. She’s completely out of control and it needs to stop.” Besides, Pia has other important stuff to think about, like her boob job. She likens the surgery to getting new tires on a car, and after she has the new implants inserted, her doctor shows them off saying “That’s a happy, happy chest.”
And here’s the final product:
The only ally Renee has at the moment is Leah because they both share a distaste for Nora. So they meet up and Renee tells Leah about her fight with Nora and that Nora told her “I hope you lose your daughter,” which turns Leah’s stomach. Saying that “is a nail in your f—ing coffin,” Leah says.
Renee conveniently leaves out the part about calling Nora an alcoholic, but whatever.
Nora is angry but sad at what’s happened with Renee because she doesn’t want to throw their friendship away and she proposes that they meet up again. “I really hope we can work things out,” Nora says. Renee feels slightly different. “I don’t care if this girl gets hit by a f—ing bus.”
When they meet, Nora launches into all the ways Renee has hurt her, and she apologizes for saying what she did about Renee losing her daughter and that it was said in anger. “As I’m sitting there listening to Nora go blah blah blah and I’m thinking about how I’m gonna ram my fist down her f—ing throat and bust her f—ing face open,” Renee explains. Classy!
Renee smiles creepily at Nora the entire time and starts pointing her finger in Nora’s face saying “Let me tell you something,” but Nora grabs her finger and they start to tussle.
Renee keeps threatening that she’s coming for Nora, but she does so by not getting out of her seat and continually making crazy eyes, so it’s Nora who gets the first swing in and she smacks Renee across the face. That’s when Renee finally gets up and lunges for Nora.
They’re pulled apart, but Renee threatens “I’m going to be your worst f—ing nightmare.”