Hollywood Exes – Episode 3 – Living The Fabulous Life

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“When Jessica first told me she and Jose were moving in together, I was like ‘Really? Are you kidding me?’” Nicole says, but Jessica has a plan for Jose. “I am puttin’ him to work,” she explains, saying that she’s going to have him be her pool boy, errand boy, and everything-else-boy. Nicole thinks it would be less of a headache just hire a boy to do all this stuff, but Jessica’s already made up her mind.

When Mayte invites Nicole and Sheree over to discuss the Matchmaker From Hell who criticized every square inch of her house, right down to the purple Fabuloso cleaning spray, Sheree and Nicole are like, lose the matchmaker, we’ll help.

They can kind of see the matchmaker’s point about leaving the Prince wedding china out in the open, but aside from that, they think it’s bunk and agree to rack their brains for good men to set Mayte up with. Mayte’s already been set up with a new bosom buddy in the form of Andrea, at least, and they’re so glad to have each other. Mayte takes Andrea to her ballet class and it’s clear that they really have lived parallel lives, having been dancers for their exes and now striking out on their own. They really found each other at just the right time, and now that Andrea’s moved to L.A., Mayte can help her put down roots in the dance community.

Andrea closed her Chicago dance company when she moved to L.A. because she says “I can’t have a safety net. It has to work here.” She lays out her plan to open a studio and teach classes in L.A. and she needs to start immediately. Mayte suggests Millenium, it’s THE spot where anyone who’s anyone dances, and Andrea’s excited to check it out. She gets her assistant Tony on it to see if she can start teaching there. He vows to do the best he can to get her in there, but he can’t make promises.

They head over to Millenium where Andrea lays out her experience with the owner who seems really excited to have her on board.

Having worked with celebrities, as Andrea has, goes a long way in L.A., but Andrea also has the talent to back her up too, so she’s in, but she still needs to gain a following. She cries tears of joy at the opportunity she’s been given. “I got the Millenium!” she grins.

There’s still a lingering fear of failure though for Andrea, and she worries that the students won’t come and that she was better off staying in Chicago. “All I wanna do, at the end of the day, I just wanna dance, man!” she cries to Mayte during a walk on the beach.

I know Andrea is hurting, but all I can think is that this is the scene at the beginning of a movie (which in this case is called Just Gotta Dance), and eventually she’s going to have a montage full of rehearsals and costume changes leading up to the triumphant performance of her life. It always happens, Drea, you can do it! Believe!

As we’ve mentioned before Sheree doesn’t live with her husband Terrell full time, and during one of her long hauls from L.A. to San Diego, where he is, she explains that the distance is starting to take its toll.

All of the back and forth is a lot of work for the couple. “I don’t think that’s the best life for any of us,” Terrell tells her when she’s home for a weekend. Sheree feels caught because “I have a husband in one place and a son in another place…what am I to do?” She’s also working on her skincare business in L.A. When she and Terrell discuss what to do, Terrell suggests they follow the word of God and leave it to what the Bible says. Terrell interprets the Bible as saying that a woman should live under the same roof as her husband. Sheree has a different take.

Nicole’s also working on her business, a jewelry line called FLP By Nicole Murphy, but to source her materials, she needs to find a man who sells African beads out of the back of his van in Los Angeles. Should be pretty easy, since there are so few cars in L.A., his should be easy to spot.

Somehow, they miraculously find him.

Nicole wasn’t sure what kind of neighborhood they’d end up in, so she brought Mayte’s friend, the gloriously named Big Sexy, to be her bodyguard for the day. “When Big Sexy’s around, nobody’s gonna mess with you,” Nicole says.

They get the beads and the get the F outta there. Nicole has a trunk show of her jewelry line and all the girls come to see it and they are stunned at how beautiful it all is.

“I had to risk getting mugged in an L.A. alley, but it was all worth it,” Nicole proudly says.

Sheree has a way about her that makes all the women able to confide in her, so she and Mayte go hiking and the topic of the baby that Mayte lost comes up. It’s incredibly emotional for Mayte but somehow, Sheree makes it all seem okay. The hurt and sadness Mayte felt is still there, but it’s comforting for her to get it out.

That situation has scarred Mayte and she explains that it may be why she hasn’t had another child, but she hasn’t given up hope yet. One day, she will be a mom, and not just to a menagerie of pets.

“When Nicole and I get together, anything can happen…Especially when shots are involved,” Jessica says. And eventually, sure, Jessica ends up humping Nicole on the banquette at their local tequila bar, but before that can happen, Jessica asks Nicole to tell the story of how Eddie proposed to her. Basically, he came into her bedroom, gave her a box with a ring in it, and said “Let’s get married!” Sounds sweet and simple to me, but Jessica says that’s the “worst proposal story everrrr. Well. Except for mine.”

Jessica explains that Jose had a pinky ring of his re-set to fit her and when he gave it to her he asked “Does that make you happy now? Is that what you need to prove I love you?” Yeah, Jessica has Nicole beat by a mile, that’s a crappy proposal. “Jessica wins!” Nicole says. “My God. The pinky ring?”

But to make up for the horrible proposal, Jessica figured out how Jose made her really happy: through the art of sex. Which she then demonstrates on Nicole. “He’s gotta be up like — well let me show you,” she says as she climbs on her friend.

Nicole can’t figure out what just happened.

But no one’s mentioned vaginal rejuvenation in this episode yet, so we all had to see a dry hump coming, at the very least.

Jessica is still trying to mentally prepare for her move-in with Jose, so she goes to therapy to have an objective party weigh in on the situation. When Dr. Michelle, otherwise known as Debbie Harry,

asks Jessica what the most hurtful part of her relationship with Jose was when they were married, Jessica pinpoints the lying and the cheating.

Jessica tries to figure out why she has such a soft spot for Jose and is so forgiving of his bad behavior, and she wonders aloud if she’s still in love with him and is really just looking for a do-over with him. “There’s some chemistry, some connection I’ve always felt with him,” she says.

Now that Jessica has finally figured out where all her mixed emotions are coming from, the rug is pulled out from beneath her when she learns that Jose’s gotten a job offer in Boston and (now that he doesn’t need her for money or shelter) he’s moving there. Three thousand miles away, so long co-parenting plans, so long attempts at reconciliation. When she tells Sheree and Mayete, Mayte tells Jessica exactly how she feels about the situation. “Jose is a douchebag.”

Mayte thinks it’s cruel of him to “dangle this carrot” that he would be there for his daughter and she concludes “There’s just something missing from his brain.”

“It’s funny how love works,” Sheree says. “A man can really do you wrong and still there’s a place for him in your heart.” Yup, pretty much.

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