“One minute you’re here, the next minute you’re f—ing dead.” Just one of Big Ang‘s mottoes, and another reason we love this woman as much as we do. Tonight on the premiere episode of Big Ang, we met some of Ang’s best friends, saw what really goes on at the Drunken Monkey, and spent thirty blissful minutes watching a woman who grabs life (and who knows what else) by the balls. And it was awesome. Let’s meet this cast of “loyal wackos” that round out the cast of Big Ang.
The first supporting character in the life of Ang is “Crazy” Linda, “who I grew up with since I’m thirteen.” You might recognize her from Mob Wives, Linda was always there to listen to Ang’s stories on the couch or over a plate of spaghetti.
Then of course there’s Lil’ Jen, who’s “also another f—in’ little maniac.”:
Fun facts about Jen: she still lives with her parents because “she’s a 53-year-old baby,” and she came back from the dead once. Jennifer had cancer and was in a coma for five months, and explains “they pronounced me dead, but guess what, I f—ed them up good!” When she came out of the coma, she earned the nickname “Drop Dead Jen Again.”
“We were hot back in the day,” Linda says, and they have the pictures to prove just how hot.
All the wiseguys loved them, but nowadays, all the good wiseguys are dead, rats, or decrepit.
AJ, Ang’s “handsome and suav-ay” baby boy:
You all know AJ from his appearances on Mob Wives. He’s Ang’s pride and joy (well, aside from Lil’ Louie).
Janine, Ang’s sister:
Janine is younger than Big Ang, but she thinks she’s her mother. She is alllll business, which you can tell from this photo. Just look at how effortless her stern look is! She makes sure Ang’s finances are in order, she tells her when to go to the doctor, and she is going to help Ang plan the Drunken Monkey’s “Re-Grand Opening” party. Ang’s bar has just undergone a ‘uuuge facelift and she wants to attract a younger clientele, and this party is going to set it all off.
Ang’s biggest priority for the party is to hold a casting call for hot (“diesel!”) shot guys. They meet a whole host of gentlemen with names like Johnny Salami, Ricardo the Latin Lover, and Damian, the guy whose pecs can do this:
Linda helps Ang with the casting call, and there isn’t a guy they don’t like. In fact, Ang sounds like she wants to leave the Drunken Monkey and become a casting director who deals only in greased up muscle men. They find four suitable shot guys and call it a day. But not before hugging each guy goodbye and letting their embraces linger.
Ang can eyeball the hot guy merch, but she probably shouldn’t touch. That’s because of all the people in her life, there’s one we haven’t met yet who might not appreciate her ogling the sexy shot guys, and that’s her husband, Neil. “My so-called husband,” she corrects.
Finally, we meet the guy Ang has alluded to for a while, her 38-year-old sanitation worker hubby who she doesn’t live with at the moment, but who she occasionally dates. Neil got kicked out of Ang’s house after he cheated and drank too much, and now he’s embarrassed to say that he lives with his mother again.
BUT, he wants to move back in with Ang. Her thought on that?
Neil swears he’s a new man and he’s changed. He has a new truck and a new bank account now! Come on, Ang, throw the guy a line. “You think you’re all slick because you’re 38? 39? Whatever the f—?” Ang asks him. One person Ang does want living with her is AJ. “He needs to be living where he belongs — with MAMA!” AJ isn’t all that hot on the idea, although it would free up some cash for him to buy more designer clothes.
Ang is super-duper excited for the re-grand opening of the bar. So excited that she gets all dolled up with a Hawaiian spray tan. This woman has some tan lines, I yell ya.
As well as some tan curves.
When the party kicks off, there’s a line of people around the block. Ang and her two bartenders, Anthony and Franky, plus all the shot guys can handle the crowds though. Once Lil’ Jen climbs on the bar though, that’s when things get nuts. Jen loves dancing on the bar because it means people throw money at you while you “shake it up and down.” I need lessons from this woman in how to live. Not only can she revive herself, but she gets money thrown at her while remaining fully clothed.
It wouldn’t be the Drunken Monkey without an actual drunken monkey, in this case, a little person dressed in a monkey costume who dances on the bar. It’s a little awkward. Big Ang doesn’t care,
she’s too busy corralling the shot boys into a hot body contest.
Whoever earns the most dollars, wins, and Ricardo the Latin Lover triumphs. But in Ang’s case, she just wants to press up on him, so really, she’s the winner.
While Ricardo and Ang dance and his hand wanders across her various tan lines, all of Ang’s friends notice that Neil is quietly observing this from the wings, but he walks out after he’s had enough of all this Latin loving.
Later, Ang confesses to her ladies that she’s decided to let Neil move back in with her after all.
Janine is super excited because she loves Neil. Linda, not so much. She thinks Ang has been put through the ringer with him.
“Let me retract this. I always make decisions when I’m on Patron. Let me sleep on this,” Ang says, giving herself the chance to re-think the decision if necessary. One decision is certain though. This show is the best, with or without the influence of Patron.