“Nora is going out of her way to spread lies about me,” Pia tells Christina when they meet up. This comes after Nora accused Pia of taking certain male clientele at her club to the champagne room and providing more than just bottle service. (Playing find the cork might be a part of it.) But one thing Pia wants Christina to know is that Nora has a history of working the pole, just the same as Pia. That makes Christina laaaaugh and laaaaaugh. “Nora, a stripper?” she asks. “The broad might lose money being a stripper!”
Here’s the problem though (and I know how hard it is to keep everyone’s friendship statuses straight, trust me)…Now, Christina is actually COOL with Nora. After going to Nora’s birthday party last week, she started to take to her, even though Nora and Pia all of a sudden had their blowout. These women and their relationships turn on a dime, I swear.
Nora is still trying to, um, resume her father’s body because she has no closure over his death and wants to make sure it’s him in the casket. But when she speaks to the woman in the death records department, she learns there’s an obstacle to exhuming a body: everyone in her family must agree to it.
“This is more than frustrating, this is like a bad dream,” she says as she hangs up. The one thing Nora does decide to do to get her mind off the bad stuff is take a wine-making class and create a vintage in honor of her dad. You’ve heard of smuggling grapes, I assume?
Nora wants to honor her father in a dignified way because he’s a man in the same class as “the Kennedys, the President, or people who were in the war” (which war? Whichever!) and wine is the way to do it. “Every time I take a zip of the wine, it will be like the blood flowing through my heart,” Nora explains later to Christina. “Ooh,” Christina says, because she’s basically speechless and has no other response. When she does regain her speech, Christina giggles “It’s gonna be a killer wine.”
Renee and Leah meet up to talk trash about Nora and while I understand why Renee is upset with Nora, the conversation turns catty about Nora’s looks when Renee says she used to be beautiful, but now it looks like “she’s been put through a spin cycle for about forty years.” Way harsh, Tai.
Renee’s trouble with her boyfriend Dave is also at its apex, especially since they live together and work together and hate each other together. They constantly bicker, even in front of their customers which is AWK-ward!
Renee loudly tells Dave to “Grow the f— up!” as one guy patiently waits for his eye exam, and it brings me back to that time Renee reamed Pia for swearing in her store and how she told Pia she never swears. Renee plans to cut Dave’s hours at the store so he’s out of her hair, and this sounds like bad news for their relationship too.
The entire episode has basically just been conversations about how everyone who’s at odds (Renee Vs. Pia, Pis Vs. Nora, Renee Vs. Nora) will act at Christina’s party, and now he party has actually, finally arrived. My favorite part of this party would have to be that it takes place entirely during daylight hours.
Christina and Leah get there first and are mingling with some of Christina’s other (drama-free, I assume) friends. Then Nora and her friend Debbie get there and things are still calm. Then Pia and her friend Kamila arrive, and things are STILL cool. Until…Christina tries to provoke the situation between Pia and Nora a little too much by telling Pia “You need to tell her why you’re mad at her,” within Nora’s earshot. “Are you guys talking in the third person?” Nora asks, because someone took an English class once. “No,” Pia replies hilariously, “We’re talking about you.” I don’t mean this as a dig, but I find it awesome that the woman labeled the stripper and the whore on this show usually comes off as the smartest one of the bunch. I don’t know why Christina wants these women to have a confrontation at her party, but she basically insists. Except that Nora says, out of the blue “I gotta go, I have food poisoning.”
“You can’t go!” Christina tells her. “Why isn’t Renee here?” Nora changes the subject. At this point I’m confused. Is Nora sick, is she annoyed that she was being talked about “in third person,” or is she mad that she hasn’t been able to confront Renee?
“Why is Nora trying to escape?” Leah asks as Nora grabs a taxi and hightails it out. “She’s actin’ like a f—in’ fugitive!”
All of this happens just as Renee is actually arriving, and she thinks Nora is just running away from her problems too. “Run, b—h, run!” she yells after the cab tears away.
“I’m gonna call her and get her ass back here,” Christina says, and no one thinks that’s a good idea (well, Leah doesn’t think it is — Pia and Renee think it’s an opportunity to pounce on Nora and confront her yet again). “Bring her back, ’cause now, it’s on, mother f—er,” Renee says.
In the time that Nora’s gone, Renee and Pia start to discuss their issues, and Renee says that it’s Nora who talks a lot of smack about Pia, and that’s why Renee has been so judgey.
“She talks so bad about you, Pia, it’s not even funny,” Renee says. But Renee still hates Pia, so nothing gets resolved there. But that’s cool, because Nora’s on her way back to the party (let’s call it a suicide mission). “I could see the rage in Renee’s eyes,” Leah says as Nora walks back in.
Renee walks over to Nora and does a whole lot of “SAY IT TO MY FACE!” action and they just go back and forth over who’s got less class. (Hint: You both win!)
The most annoying thing so far is that Christina starts chiming in “C’mon guys! Not at my party!” YOU INVITED BOTH OF THESE PEOPLE AND YOU MADE ONE OF THEM COME BACK AFTER SHE LEFT! YOU DON’T GET TO ASK THEM NOT TO DO THIS AT YOUR PARTY.
Then Pia chimes in about how Nora was a liar and a rumor-monger and a stripper herself, and she swats Nora in the face. “All hopes of a civilized gathering, out the window,” Christina says.
All of this fighting seems to come at once, but we never would have predicted what came next. Renee, on the floor, crawling to Nora screaming “Say it to my face, I’m begging you!!”
“Renee is on her hands and knees like she’s taking her first communion,” Leah says. But Nora explains that she doesn’t fight with fists, she knows how to fight with words so that they’ll hurt more, and she yells to Renee (and everyone else) “Your father raped you every day!”
And with that, Renee goes berserk. But then again, wouldn’t you too?