Big Ang – Episode 3 – Dog Shows And Jacuzzis


Mommy’s putting Lil’ Louie in a dog show this week!

Yes! It’s true!

Ang takes her baby, Louie, to the groomer for a bath, and when he’s not biting the shampoo girls or having his one ball discussed, he’s an adorable, sopping wet mess of fur.

“I thought it was ‘walk him around and look cute’ and we’re used to doing that,” Ang giggles after she learns that to have Louie trained for the dog show, he needs some obedience lessons.

Ang finishes telling the trainer just how smart and trainable Louie can be when the trainer looks at him and says “Well…Little Louie is about to take a dump.” So he is!

The trainer shows Ang what Louie could be capable of, and she shows off a German shepherd that obeys every command and leaps over hurdles. “I think he’s gonna hafta win on looks only,” Ang admits. At least she knows his limits!

In addition to getting Louie ready for the dog show, Ang bought that new house she saw last week and she’s running around packing her old place to get ready for a move. I’ll miss you, lime green kitchen walls.

Lil’ Jen helps Ang move in and when she sees Ang’s new place, she comments about Ang’s new neighbors “I hope they enjoy their last quiet night on the block!” That cracks Jen up.

It’s no lie though, Ang wants to have a housewarming party, and her parties are legendary. “My last housewarming party, I got sixty-five f—ing stitches on my ASS,” she tells Franky, the bartender at the Drunken Monkey. “My housewarming parties are always full of surprises. Wait till Franky sees the surprise I have for him.” Ang has a woman in mind for Franky — a blonde, voluptuous senior citizen.

Louie goes for his first training lesson, and Debbie the Dog Trainer is no match for him. He pees all over the training course she’s set up and basically has Doggie ADD. (“Louie knows how to pee and look cute,” Ang says. And that’s it.) Debbie tells Ang she needs to speak to Louie in a firm voice, not so sing-songy. That’s near impossible for Ang, her entire speech pattern is magical and musical, as we know, but that doesn’t work for the dog show. “What am I supposed to do? This is my voice: ‘Louuuuuiiiiieeee!’ Ain’t gonna work,” she says.
However, Louie is a whiz when it comes to the physical challenges.

“He can’t walk straight, but he’s jumpin’ through the hoops,” Ang brags.

After a hard day of training Louie, it’s time for Ang’s housewarming party. Judging from the number of cars parked outside her house, what Jen said was true, it really is going to be the last quiet night on the block.

“Once the alcohol starts kicking in, everyone’s going to lose their minds,” Ang says. This kid would appear to be the lone voice of reason and sobriety among the crowd.

And then comes Linda’s signature move, the Twizzle Spit, which should make anyone blush. Anyone not part of this crowd, I mean.

When Franky finally meets Sandy and sees she’s got an AARP card, he’s surprised but he goes with it. ‘Cause that’s how Franky do. Franky keeps plying Sandy with champagne and invites her to the Jacuzzi with him, and Sandy shed her clothes along the way.

“This bitch is gyratin’ on Franky! It should be ME!” Linda says.
And then things go horribly wrong.

Sandy falls out of the hot tub.

When the ambulance comes to take her away (looks like a broken arm), Sandy screams “It was worth every bit!”

The day of the dog show, Linda and Jen show up to support Ang and Louie. And they need it, the other dogs are good. It’s a good thing Louie’s so cuuute. Louie basically fails every task, even the ones he was so good at before. “He wins for dumbest dog,” Jen says.

When it comes time for the awards to be given, Louie comes in first place. Somehow! Yay, Louie!!

“He got a trophy!” Linda says.

“He’ll pee on that,” Jen reasons.

It was a long road to success for Louie and Ang, but as Sandy the Hot Tub Lady says, “It was worth every bit.”

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