These ladies are channeling old Hollywood this week when they head off for a respite in Palm Springs at the former estate of Bing Crosby. But not everything is as mellow as that crooner’s voice, because there’s serious drama brewing. The glamorous denizens of old Hollywood flipped each other the bird when they were angry, right?
Sheree tells the girls that they’re all going bikini shopping for a special trip she’s planned. Nicole would really love it if Mayte wore a purple bikini because even though she’s been divorced from Prince for like twenty years, purple will always haunt her. Her autobiography should be called The Color Purple. Except that that could get confusing.
“She should look at a map because this house is in the middle of no-damn-where!” Drea says of the gorgeous pad that Sheree has picked out for them to spend the weekend. But the house is so full of history, Sheree’s not hearing that. Not only did it belong to Bing, it was also the reported love nest of JFK and Marilyn Monroe. Happy birthday, Mr. President!
Just so you can see where Jessica‘s conflict with the girls starts to stem from, when she spots a cockroach in the house, she refuses to kill it, instead releasing it back into the wild. She can’t kill any living thing because “even a cockroach has a family.” When Sheree tells the girls they’re going out to a steakhouse for dinner, all of a sudden this rubs Jessica the wrong way. (I know these ladies have all eaten dinner together before and meat hasn’t been a problem, so I don’t know why she’s bent out of shape now.)
“My body needs meat!” Sheree tells Jessica after Jessica gets agitated about the talk of ordering lamb and veal.
Jessica thinks that the human craving for meat is a falsehood, A FALSEHOOD, and berates Sheree for being so passionate about it. If Sheree eats meat, then Jessica says “Then I’m gonna wear a shirt that says ‘Do Not Pray.’…You’re hypocritical because your religion says it’s inhumane to kill an animal before its life ends.”
I think if there’s one thing you don’t want to do with Sheree, it’s get into a battle of religious wits, but Jessica goes for it and Sheree gets offended.
At dinner, Jessica becomes the hypocrite in the girls’ eyes when she orders crab using the defense that “It’s not a mammal with abilities of thinking, reasoning, it doesn’t have a brain!” I bet crabs would beg to differ, but okay. The girls take her to task because they’ve just sat through another animal rights lecture about pate. “Didn’t you just tell me you would never eat any living thing?” Sheree asks.
“I know this girl is not so blonde to think crabs grow on trees.”
“That crab was somebody’s daddy!” Andrea adds.
The next day, Sheree, Andrea, and Mayte go vintage outfit shopping while Nicole and Jessica stay behind to have drinks at the pool. Jessica needs a break from Sheree and Sheree needs time to fully appreciate what happens when Andrea goes crazy in the fitting room. I mean.
What is happening here???
“They’re supposed to be tennis shorts,” Andrea explains. “They look like grown-people diapers with lace on the bottom.”
After this…whole thing, the girls hit the supermarket. Mayte decides to prove a point to Jessica by buying some live lobsters to cook for dinner to show her just how alive and feelings-filled they are. Sheree picks up lil’ Larry the Lobster and tells him right to his face “He’s gonna be gooood for dinner.”
Back at home, Jessica is booty popping topless and chugging mojitos with Nicole, and she is trashed. “I’m so f—ed up right now!” Jessica says as she’s face-planted into her deck chair.
She doesn’t even notice that the rest of the girls have come home and are secretly holding the lobsters in a bathtub, preparing to make them scream for Jessica when they meet their maker in a pot of boiling water.
When Jessica sees the ladies at home, she’s kind of a mean drunk telling them they’re all boring, but singling out Sheree in particular and taking extra jabs at her. “Not okay,” Sheree says.
Mayte explains why she’s also so hell-bent on proving to Jessica why animals are essential to her diet, and it’s due to the fact that she lost a baby due to the fact that she was vegan during her pregnancy and wasn’t getting the proper nutrients. Despite the menagerie of pets she has at home and her love of PETA, Mayte knows that animals are a common part of the human diet and she’s tired of Jessica’s stance. When Jessica hears they bought the lobsters, she’s upset that they’re picking on her. And then Andrea brings up a taboo subject to make the whole situation get that much more tense.
“So many people are out here picketing and saying I won’t eat this…and then you’ll abort a baby?” Andrea says. Whoops. Not the best time to make this argument. Actually, is there ever a good time for this argument?
See, Jessica had told the girls she had an abortion, and she had hoped to keep it a secret. Not only is she mad about that, but she’s mad that everyone’s now calling her a hypocrite. But Jessica has harsh words for the others too, and she starts with Sheree, saying that she’s hardly the “holy roller goody-goody” she makes herself out to be. She reveals that Sheree likes to have a drink (besides wine) when she’s not on-camera and Sheree admits to that, but the barbs just keep getting more brutal.
“You will save a cockroach, and yet you are so indifferent to disposing of a human life!” Well, when you put it that way. Jessica is furious that anyone would have brought up the abortion and can’t believe this all happened over her stupid veal comments. She gives them all the finger and a big “F— you.”
“She poked, she poked, she poked, and I bit her,” Sheree says. At dinner, Jessica joins the girls after exiling herself for a while, and it’s super awkward. She’s still angry at Sheree, Sheree’s still angry at her, but they all sit together to eat because they are hungry, and for no other reason but that. When Jessica makes a snide, under her breath comment at Sheree, Sheree tells her “Hey Jessica, don’t do that. If were not gon’ talk, let’s not talk.” And once again, as soon as she finishes her food, Jessica excuses herself from the situation because there’s definitely some bad energy. “I’m done with this bulls— and I’m done with Palm Springs,” she says. “First thing tomorrow, I’m going back to L.A.”