Basketball Wives L.A. – Episode 5 – A Hilarious S—show


The peace treaty couldn’t last forever.
Jackie continues her quest for acceptance this week, and Lord knows if she was in the Miami cast of Basketball Wives, she’d be getting the third degree about talking about people behind their backs and she’d be out of every circle five times over. Fortunately, the L.A. crowd takes her as she is and all generally agree not to pay heed, or maybe just not to give a s— about all the stuff she says. First up, she meets with Laura to tell her about her lunch with Draya. It did not go well. Unequivocally, it did not go well. But Jackie tells Laura “I think it went okay! But…” BUT “…it kinda ended in a bad scene where she stormed out.” So then it went badly, Jackie, just say that!

“Honestly, I wouldn’t give a s— if anybody walked out on a lunch with me,” Laura says, and she tries to convey that to the more-sensitive Jackie. “I have to care, Laura,” Jackie explains, and in a way the relationship she describes with Draya is a dysfunctional, near-abusive one, because to hear Jackie tell it, they’re cruel to each other and then both come crawling back for even more cruelty. Jackie plans to give Draya one last chance t make nice though, and if it fails, she’s done with her. Like last season, she decides to invite Draya to her wedding and see whether or not she comes.

“She’s so hungry for friendship, she don’t give a s— where it comes from,” Laura assesses. Yup.

Draya’s parents are in town and she’s on a mission to get them to move out to L.A. to be closer to her and have the family all together. When she tells her dad her wish, he says “Just say the word!” which is an answer that surprises her, and it especially surprises her mother, Valerie.

“My dad, surprisingly, is like ‘Yeah, I’ll move!'” she says, and she hopes that this opportunity for the whole family to be in one place will give him a chance to be a good grandfather to her son. He was absent for much of her childhood, from about age 5 to 21, so she looks forward to his being there for her son’s childhood instead to make up for it.

You know that if these ladies aren’t hashing their problems out over lunch, they’re doing it over shopping, so Malaysia and Gloria hit the shops so that Malaysia can fill her sister in on a conversation she had with Laura. Laura is definitely feeling some distance between herself and Gloria, and Malaysia’s become the messenger in this situation to make things right.

“I kinda think that guys are off-road a little bit,” Malaysia tells Gloria, who agrees. Gloria explains that they’ve both been in difficult places lately and she’s definitely put Laura on the back burner.

Laura’s issue is that Gloria has gone a little Hollywood, and when Gloria takes her to meet a graphic artist who is responsible for creating the character she’s playing in her new movie, it’s equal parts exciting and annoying.

Gloria has posed for some photos for the sketch artists and when she sees herself as a badass, it is pretty cool. “Whaaaat? I’m about to be a comic book, y’all!”

Hey, did you guys know that Bam is Malaysia’s friend from way back and they’ve been knowin’ each other since high school? Because I’m pretty sure we haven’t heard that before. But now it’s Bambi‘s turn to meet Jackie and she’s pretty excited by that. By now, there’s not a sentence that passes anyone’s lips that doesn’t feature the words “Jackie” and “crazy” in conjunction with each other, but Bambi wants to see for herself.

Bambi tells Jackie she’s heard about her and she’s especially familiar with her habit of throwing herself a yearly wedding, and that’s when Jackie says that she’s not sure Malaysia, who she declares is homophobic, will enjoy this year’s gay theme.

“I’m not!” Malaysia says. “On that note, let’s go.” To which tone deaf Jackie responds “This was TOO MUCH fun!”

Laura and Gloria play some one on one together (because some scenes can’t be filmed at restaurants and clothing stores) and after, they sit and have a deep conversation about the state of their relationship. Gloria explains that there’s a chance Matt might not stay and play ball in L.A. and if he moves, she doesn’t know if she wants to go with him because her career is just starting to flourish.

Laura thinks that’s crazy talk and no matter where Matt goes, Gloria should follow. “I would leave L.A. in a heartbeat,” Laura says, and she’d move herself and her family to be with her man without question. And then Laura comes out and tells Gloria “I was mad at you for a while…I’ve always felt that you were the type of person who’s grown up to care about yourself rather than others.” And she tells her “I felt like you were just hella Hollywood. You’d do anything to get where you want to go.” Gloria doesn’t disagree with that because she does put her career ahead of most things, but the communication train goes both ways, and Gloria’s upset that Laura never reached out to her when she and Matt were broken up for eight whole months. “You didn’t even know I just had a miscarriage,” Gloria tells he sister. “That s— hurts my heart. I had a miscarriage by myself. Like, what do I do? I didn’t know who to ask or who to talk to about it,” she cries.

Laura is so sad and sorry for her sister because, she says, she’s been there and she knows that hurt, and they both vow to not let any sort of distance come between them again. Ride or die is the Govan way.

Over at the 17th wedding cake-tasting of Jackie and Doug’s lives, the couple decide on details of their wedding, like whether or not Jackie should invite certain girls to their event.

Doug reminds Jackie it’s her day and there shouldn’t be any excess drama, but she’s got her mind pretty set on making friendship happen with all these women, so she’s going to do what she wants to do. Speaking of inviting people to things, Gloria will be leaving town for two weeks to film her movie, so Laura plans to throw her a going-away party and Gloria allows her to invite Jackie, and while they discuss who they’re cool with, Laura actually says she really doesn’t want to go to Jackie’s wedding. Now, here’s where I’m confused by Laura, ’cause when she’s with Jackie, she’s nicey-nice, but when she’s away from Jackie, she’s not a fan. True, she tells Jackie to her face how crazy she is, so she’s not exactly two-faced, but she really appears not to genuinely like Jackie that much, so I haven’t figured out their dynamic yet.

Draya reluctantly agrees to go see a psychic with her mom and she’s really nervous about the whole thing.

During the reading, she’s told that she’s creative and intuitive and that she’s trying to keep her life drama-free — all true, and Draya eventually starts to get emotional during it. Draya’s worried most of all that moving her family out to L.A. will disrupt their lives, but the psychic tells her they’re actually thrilled by the opportunity.

(Find out even more about her reading in our interview with her psychic, Adela.)

Back in wedding planning mode, Jackie and Doug go to Club Eleven, their wedding venue, to check out the go-go dancers they’ve requested. Jackie’s surprised to see a man and a woman instead of two men, which I assume would fit her gay theme a little better, but when they see them dance in their cage they’re just thrilled.

“My husband was enjoying it, a little too much,” she says. Regardless, she’s certain “this wedding is going to be bananas.” Agree strongly!

It’s time for Gloria’s going away party, a.k.a. the Cleavage Club’s inauguarl meeting, a.k.a. auditions for the new breed of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling. ‘Cause there’s a lot of breast on display, and a lot of fightin’ going on.
As the girls show up, Jackie tells them she’s not just there to celebrate Gloria’s going away, but she has invitations to her wedding. Gloria won’t be back in time to make it which she regrets because she thinks it will be “a hilarious s—show.” Jackie also drops the bomb that in addition to her daughter acting as maid of honor, she wants Laura to be her maid of honor, too. Laura’s response: “Shut the f— up.”

“The fact that she thinks that I am her friend blows me away,” she continues. Okay, so I guess that answers my question of how Laura really feels about Jackie.
Draya, Malaysia, and Bambi all enter together and right away there’s weirdness. Brooke sees Bambi and hopes she doesn’t sit near her, and Jackie notices and iciness from Draya that sets a tone between them, too.

Jackie take the opportunity to publicly apologize to Draya, and to offer to take her out to lunch (what a surprise) to re-re-rehash things and re-discuss things that have been discussed already. Draya’s not interested and explains that Jackie doesn’t need Draya to say what she has to say. Instead, she points out “Jackie, you need to listen to what YOU say.”
Basketball Wives L.A.
Jackie starts being sarcastic and all “Ohh, I gotta respect her, y’all!” and pulls a lollipop, sorry, a sucker, out of her purse and hands it to Draya. Draya is not having any of that.
“She’s not pushing my buttons right now??” she asks. And then it gets fiery when Draya tells her “You too old to run around with b—hes like me!”

Jackie responds with a barrage of “You’re a ho!” and Draya fires back that she’s the head b—h. “After the nineteenth ‘ho,’ b—h, I’m gonna f—n’ get at you.” And she gets.

Unfortunately, poor Malaysia, the one who tried to bring everyone together, was trying to keep them apart and was caught in the middle of a swing. Hey, at least this means Bambi and Brooke didn’t fight, huh?

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