Simon van Kempen Recaps Couples Therapy Episode 8: Blinded By Dourtney


Simon van Kempen Recaps Couples Therapy

This season on Couples Therapy, there’s a lot of drama in the house thanks to the incredibly diverse and occasionally divisive personalities that have been cast. One couple, reality veterans Simon van Kempen and Alex McCord, have offered to review and recap each episode of the season to tell us the truth about the way things really were and what they think of the therapy process. This week, Simon defends his actions despite what he thinks is a lack of support from Dr. Jenn, and he shares his opinion of Courtney’s “momager,” Krista.

As Doug and Courtney re-entered “the lion’s den,” as Doug termed it, I had another phrase going through my head; what came first — the chicken or the egg? Clearly for Doug and Courtney, this den had been created through no fault of their own. They were innocent of anything and everything, and we should all pander to their combined sense of entitlement because Courtney has a kind heart (forgotten of course was her bare ass cheeks on the kitchen bench). According to Doug, Courtney had been violated by us all and by using terminology like that, he’ll no doubt run as the next Republican Senate Candidate in Missouri.

I first saw this scene when the preview for this episode was released and it got some interesting comments on my website, and please also check out Alex’s thoughts on this episode here.

When D and C returned, I sat in that room listening for some bone of contrition from them –– anything! Monica, who’s not had a lot of screen time, is such a gentle and caring soul and when she asked Doug, if there was anything that they felt responsible for in this mess, he just said NO! Delusional much? Frankly I was pissed, that to our faces, Dr. Jenn blamed it all on us. Sure, in her talking head last night she stated that she was unhappy that Dourtney didn’t give a little, but when she spoke with us, we were the bad ones.

Dr. Jenn had been the one going on about Courtney’s hyper-sexualized demeanor and here we have Doug and Courtney, not yet thirty minutes back into the house and Courtney’s draping herself all over Doug’s lap. As we sit outside, I’m practically pleading with Doug to accept some responsibility for their enforced departure from the house. But he wouldn’t let me speak. I tried again and he interrupted, I said ‘let me finish’ and he wouldn’t. So game over and I walked off. If someone isn’t prepared to give me the courtesy of finishing my sentence, not once, not twice but thrice, then I’ve got nothing left to say.
As this episode aired last night, Dr. Jenn again played the blame game, and of course I was the one at fault. She tweeted:

See it’s my fault Courtney couldn’t understand, as I got angry and left. Doug, sitting there with Courtney splayed on his knee, interrupting me and not letting me finish my sentence had naught to do with it at all. Hate to say it Doc, but for whatever reason, you’re blinded by Dourtney and that is your fault.

And then we get to Krista. Frankly, I think it might have been better to get hold of Krista’s mom to ascertain how Krista became so f’ed up. First, we have Dr. Jenn stating that Krista was reluctant to appear on camera. Just who is she trying to kid? Krista’s been dying for this moment ever since she became Courtney’s momager and started enabling her little 11-year-old daughter. I’m not sure what disgusted me more, Krista’s willful and frankly irresponsible abject disregard for proper parenting blithely accepting that it’s OK for an 11-year-old to dress like a stripper, or her obvious lust for her daughter’s husband. That’s some sick sh*t! On the flip side, I suppose this means that Doug has a safety net because as soon as Courtney’s done with being ‘raised by her husband’ and tosses Doug aside, he (and the now recently separated) Krista, can then shack up together. Like daughter, love mother!

Fortunately, after the prior disgusting mess, there was still time to see a little of Todd Shaw AKA Too Short and Monica Payne, going all gondola, after Todd had had a heart to heart with Dr. Jenn. I had no idea who Too Short was when I arrived at the Couples Therapy house, and so I had no preconceived notion of Todd. He’s a very smart guy who has avoided many of the pitfalls of his industry. Despite being a player, he’s not fathered any kids, and he’s avoided drug addictions including alcohol as well. But now at 46 years old, he’s realizing that what he lacks is a caring partner at home, a kid to throw ball with and one to take to the Lakers games. I can sympathize with that. When Alex and I first got together we were never going to have children, however as I approached 40 and she 30 we began to change our minds and soon decided we’d have not one but two children. Having kids, while occasionally frustrating, is the most wonderful thing I could ever have done. And I think Todd should too. From talking to him I know he wants that life but it’s for him to decide whether he’s prepared to go short on Too Short and long on Todd.

Shayne, oh Shayne! You’d think high maintenance was a term invented just for Shayne Dahl Lamas. You damn well know that Nik didn’t sit down and choose horse riding. That’s not how these shows work. Dr. Jenn decided you two needed to get out for a date and the she and the producers put the activity together based on the Doc’s recommendation. So don’t take it out on Nik, as he’s just going with the flow and sometimes you should too! [Ed Note: Just to clarify for accuracy, this date was not planned by Dr. Jenn or anyone in production. Nik, in his comment below, explains “I actually did put that date together…The entire date was planned by me.”]

So there are just two episodes left. Will Courtney stay fully clothed? Will she get some one-on-one time with Dr Jenn and stop speaking pageantese during it? Will Shayne calm down and let Nik in a little? Will Todd fall for Monica and settle down? And will, the recently largely missing, JoJo once and for all deal with his alcoholism? All will be revealed in the coming two weeks.

If you’d like to know what else we’re up to in real time please follow us on Twitter @SimonvanKempen @McCordAlex as well as on Facebook. For more on us and our family see our website. Until next week!

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