Mob Wives – Episode 3 – Don’t Bust A Cap Or Anything

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Mob Wives
Time to move on.
After Renee receives a letter from Junior, she takes off looking for someone, anyone, to comfort her, and she finds Ramona, mid-blowout, at the hair salon. She reads the letter to Ramona, explaining that “this letter confirms that I have a future problem,” because in it, Junior basically threatens her and tells her she’s going to be in real trouble if she turns their son, AJ, against him.

“Just those few little words have got me feeling very, very afraid,” Renee says.

Ramona’s more concerned about where Junior actually is, because he’s supposed to be in jail and his letters are supposed to be monitored by the government, and yet this one, full of threats, managed to get out. Yeah, that’s not comforting at all. “I’m gonna lose it,” Renee tells Ramona, and hello, we would all lose it in that situation. “He’s gonna kill me.”

“I can’t notify the authorities because I’m not a rat like Junior,” Renee says, but the only other people she could turn to in this situation are, well, Junior himself, or her dad who’s back in prison thanks to Junior. “Who do you speak to about making sure this person does not come back and f—ing kill you?” she wonders.

Over at Love‘s house, Karen, Love, and Love’s mom are all reminiscing about the things they used to do as kids. Karen talks about the time they lit Ramona’s dad’s car on fire, and Love says “My mother used to call me Satan’s spawn.” This makes me feel pret-ty dull as a tween, I used to read Babysitter’s Club books. Cough.

Love then tells the tale about the summer she got into so many fights that after she broke fourteen noses, she lost count.

Karen is glad that since her daughter, Karina, grew up away from Staten Island, she’s nothing like her mother was at that age. Love just wishes that some day she’ll actually have kids of her own, but she worries that her past with men (you know, her history of shooting, stabbing and poisoning her exes) might just send any potential suitors running. At least she’s self-aware, right?

For a nice change of scenery, Big Ang and Carla meet at the car wash to have the More ashes vacuumed out of Ang’s car and for Ang to question why Carla bailed on last week’s Botox Bash. (Hilariously though, this is just the first of two scenes tonight to take place in a car wash.) Carla explains that with Drita absent, she would have had to deal with four women that are more Renee’s friends than her own, and that would have made her uncomfortable. “Who am I sitting and hanging out with? What, am I gonna be talking to the wall?” she asks. Again, points for self-awareness, we wouldn’t go either, Carla! “It’s like, uncomfortable. Why would I do that?”

And as for why everyone thinks Carla and Love have an issue and that’s why she didn’t show? “Honestly, I don’t know her, I never met her before.”

Carla also continues to lay into Renee for her drug use, which is not something Big Ang is going to criticize. “We need to support her. Come on, give the girl a break,” Ang says, refusing to pile on.

Karen meets with a financial planner to figure out her money situation and work on building her empire. The financial planner-slash-model she speaks with is surprised by a few elements of Karen’s life, the first being the fact that Karen says her dad’s version of a savings account was stashing money in the wall. Then Karen explains that she has an apartment in Staten Island and pays for a house in Arizona for Dave, her ex, to live in rent free. It makes Karen seem incredibly generous, but from a financial standpoint, unwise with her cash flow.

“You need to start saying no,” the beautiful money adviser tells her. So basically, Karen needs to start collecting rent from Dave, or evict him from her house. That’s not something Karen wants to do to the father of her child, but there is something that might help make that easier. While she and Karina spend the day at the beach together, Karina reveals something about Dave that makes Karen a little irritated, to say the least.

“Don’t be mad or bust a cap or anything, but he has a girlfriend,” Karina tells her. Karen’s reaction? “I wanna go postal.”

You know what makes Karen want to book a flight to Arizona and strangle Dave, however? When Karina tells her “I found a g-string on the counter in my bedroom.”

Watch out, caps. Karen is about to make it her mission to bust you.

Renee decides to get some help by visiting a support group where she reveals that her pill issue started with Xanax and she feels that after her plastic surgery situation last year, Junior was the one who tried to overmedicate her during her recovery.

“I don’t even take pills to get high,” she says. “I take them so I can’t feel.” She knows she needs help, but this group is the first step in that process.

Love and Drita get together for the first time since God knows when, but happily, these two get along. Drita wonders why everyone has the impression that Carla doesn’t like Love, and Love says she’s heard that Carla trash-talks her. “Staten Island really is a schoolyard of f—ing s— -talkers,” Drita explains, but she swears Carla’s never talked smack about Love with her.

Love knows exactly why Carla might have a problem with her though, and of course it has to do with a man. Carla started dating the guy Love was seeing — at the same time as Love — and Love explains that this is a guy who’s up to no good. “The psychopath was stalking me,” Love tells Drita.

Love hopes Carla doesn’t learn the hard way that this guy might be crazy, and Drita thinks she should be warned. Love’s take on that is that she’s fine to get together with Carla, but if Carla so much as antagonizes her for one second, Love has no problem putting Carla in traction.

Renee is ready to move on from Junior completely, and she’s already found a new house to move into, so as she packs her stuff up, she starts sorting anything and everything having to do with Junior and throwing it in the garbage. “I want everything to go up in f—ing flames,” she says, literally, as she torches every old photo she has of him.

“He’s no longer gonna be the nightmare of my life,” Renee says as she prepares to move on to a Junior-free chapter. “I have my son and that’s all the f— I need, so go the f— away.”

Ramona sums it up even more succinctly: “Burn in hell, motherf—er.”

And with that, that’s the last we’ll see of Renee’s home, the place we first met her, the place that holds so many fond and not-so-fond memories for her. “Let’s roll,” she says as she makes her way to her new digs.

Drita is preparing for her visit to see Lee in jail, and she and Aleeyah pack some jail-appropriate attire, which is apparently the Diane Keaton wardrobe — no bare shoulders, no strappy things, no see-through anything. Basically just wear slacks and a turtleneck and you’ll have a successful prison visit.

Aleeyah really misses her dad and is so excited for the trip, but she wonders if Drita still loves Lee.

“I do,” Drita admits. “I care about Daddy a lot.” And that only complicates things, doesn’t it? Drita wants her family to be whole, but she also can’t totally forget the ways Lee has done her wrong. Oh, life as a Mob Wife! Why you gotta be so complicated??

Karen and Ramona hang out at the car wash everyone loves so much tonight, and Karen confides in Ramona about Dave having a girlfriend. Ramona already doesn’t like the sound of this, but when Karen reveals that Karina found a thong belonging to the woman in question, Ramona basically pops a vein.

“At your HOUSE?” Ramona asks. “Your house ain’t no hotel-Motel 6. Your house is basically the Ritz-Carlton of Arizona, so if they’re gonna be f—ing humping in your house, you’re gonna need to service them with a bill.”

The weird thing, Karen explains, is that she and Dave have never had these kinds of secrets, there’s always been a mutual respect, so she wonders why now, all of a sudden, he’s sneaking and trying to rile her up. “I would have been on a plane a long time ago, but God love you, you must be on some kind of Valium today,” Ramona tells Karen, marveling at her calm, collected manner.

Now that she and AJ are all moved in to their new house, Renee sits down with her son to tell him the conclusion she’s come to. She’s decided to go to rehab in Florida for her pill problem. At first AJ questions the decision, but he comes around, telling Renee that he knows she’s been through a lot and it’s something she’s got to do.

“Don’t think I’m not on your side,” he tells her. That’s all she needs to hear.

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