This season, the VH1 Blog is lucky enough to have the participation of the Mob Wives cast who will be commenting on every episode of the show. This week, Renee Graziano wrote us an amazing recap of not only the episode but of her journey to rehab, some of the “awful” behavior she showed this week, and as she writes, she has kind words for everyone in the cast. Yup, even Carla. Read Renee’s take of Mob Wives episode four in her own words, and we’d like to say thank you, Renee, for sharing your story.
It was pretty hard to watch tonight’s episode from an outside point-of-view, but here it goes: The show kicks off with a “BARK” and a deafening “BANG.” “I’m witty, pretty and definitely sharper than a butter knife.” But, as the old saying goes, “If you’ve got nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” So, aside from a huge thank you to Big Ang and Drita for showing their support in my choice to going to rehab, I’m going to stay dead silent and not address the nail salon scene any further.
So, moving on to my awful and disgusting mouth on the morning of my leaving for rehab. I’m speechless and embarrassed at my behavior towards the one person who loves me unconditionally and supports me the most. Knowing that I’ll have to face my fears of addiction and demons due to all I have been through I was acting out based on that fear. And, although I’m 31 days clean, during that scene back in October, I’m dying to pop a pill to solve one of my many problems, or freeze my brain with cocaine; anything not to feel.
For the record, as I’m reading this back, it confirms that I won’t be getting a date any time in the next 20 years, so it’s back to pen pals and prison visits for me. I’ve got a warped sense of humor, but it helps get me by.
Bottom line: If you know the devil is knocking at your door, why would you answer? The moral of that scene with me and my rehab friends to me is: “Don’t let the ugly issue on the outside control the good that lies inside the mind and heart…but most importantly, don’t do drugs!”
Lesson: Nothing changes if nothing changes. It boils down to the fact that you have to change everything. And, for the record (because I actually do care what people think), TV really doesn’t do me any justice because I’m quite small (5’4″, 140 lbs.) and a hell of a lot prettier in person…beautiful actually, inside and out.
Now for a commentary on the others for my “Character Breakdown”:
I’m not going to go into how I feel about my scene with AJ because I’m still trying to deal with the guilt of what I already did, and it would do my recovery severe damage if I was to let out what I’m really feeling as this scene plays out. But, what I will say is that he’s the strongest and most admirable person on this show! And, I’ll also add that for someone (me) who has f—ed up nearly everything I know, I can say loud and proud that AJ is definitely the one thing that I did do right! (Also, damn, my son is such a handsome kid to boot. I love him!)
Next up we have Karen breaking down the content of Karina’s text to Ramona. As she does so, you can see that Ramona feels Karen’s pain by the change in tone and body language. I love that Ramona and Karen have such an unbreakable bond. Their loyalty for each other exceeds any other women I know. Thank God they are “Team Renee” because I wouldn’t want to get stuck in a dark alley with one of them, let alone the two! I love you girls!
Big Ang, you are killing me with the food! I must have gained 10 pounds just watching you chop, cut and cook. You’re the #1 chef on the show (aside from me of course). I have to give credit where credit is due though. She truly is a tough act to follow in the kitchen. Also, I love her in red! Keep wearing it because although I believe it is all God’s doing, red is known for keeping the devil away. That’s an old Sicilian wives tale…and it also helps to seduce a man (that’s an old Renee wives tale).
Love, what can I say? 1) I love her hair pulled back, 2) You’ve got to love Love, a great addition to the show and raw reality crazy/sexy/cool, and 3) She doesn’t just bark, she bites!
Carla and Joe
Carla, damn it, I hate that my heart is so big because I want to pick up the phone and say, “Let’s put all of our s— aside, and come over and vent about Joe’s new and much younger version of you.” Damn Joe, you definitely have a type when it comes to girls. Carla has a great body. Raquel had a great body, too, and is really smart for such a young lady. My opinion of the scene is in Carla’s favor. Although, I like Joe and find Raquel to be good for him. However, what he said made me want to wring his neck! In other words, come on Joe, be easy. Carla is the mother of your kids and some things are made for pillow talk, not America! Ugh, men!!!
Last but not least, there’s Drita. Her girls make me want a daughter, and at the same time, thank God I don’t have one, because watching them go through the whole “prison-packing traveling and visiting scene” is breaking my heart into a million pieces. For someone who has been there and done that for twenty years, watching this scene made me so proud to be a strong woman and my mother’s daughter. This scene also made me happy to be free from having a man in jail. I am finding Drita’s love for Lee to be as apparent as her love for her daughters. Like a tattoo, this is permanent. My heart is hurting from this, but at the same time it’s all warm and fuzzy. The moral: Tough times don’t last. Tough people do! I am rooting for them 110%! Family is everything to me!
And now, in the spirit of awards season, I’d like to give out my awards of the night!
- Best Look: Drita, wearing the blue strapless corset during her green screen interviews.
- Best Kid Scene: A tie between Aliyah and AJ
- Most Upsetting Scene: This one goes to Carla. I felt every bit of her anger and pain when Joe basically tells her to ‘f— off’ and for her to know that he’s going to get remarried and have more kids.
- Most Real Deal Scene: This one goes to Karen, Carla and myself for revealing the trials and tribulations of the love for your child, father, and what it feels like to be betrayed and have your love shattered due to a man’s ignorant and selfish behavior. Moral: Don’t take away the pain or bitterness of what a man has done to you. Take only the positive and keep it real as I always do. Make sure you protect your heart by setting boundaries. Live, breath and f— in your back seat, not in my house! It’s a woman’s way or the highway!
- Scene I Would Have Liked To Have Seeen and Heard More About: This one goes to Big Ang. I’m curious to know what it feels like to have a child with an addiction, but never actually want to go through it for real personally. Maybe it would help people with an addiction to know what the other people around you are truly feeling.
- Best Line of the Night: “Renee needs to take a chill pill…well maybe not a pill.”
Tonight’s blog is dedicated to a very special friend who fell victim to the disease of addiction. Real talk: If you know someone who is suffering from addiction, get them help before you have to get them a casket. May your heart, mind and soul finally be free and at peace. RIP Tiffany “little one”.