I’m Married To A…: Jaiya The Sexologist On Surrogacy, Shame, And 50 Shades Of Grey


Sunday’s premiere episode of our new docu-series I’m Married To A… introduced the world to Jaiya, an uber confident sexologist with a loving partner of six years and a desire to take her career to the next level. Throughput her story we learned more about the practice of sex surrogacy and the reservations those outside of the profession can have, all while feeling extreme admiration for the couple’s commitment to an atypical (yet enjoyable) 90 Day Challenge.

VH1 caught up with Jaiya to learn more about her experience on the show and find out what’s changed between her and her partner, Ian, since being on television. Considering her level of openness, you might be surprised to find out that, yes, there are some things even this sex educator doesn’t like talking about. Read on to learn more, as well as her thoughts about 50 Shades of Grey and her next bedroom challenge.

What kind of response have you gotten since Sunday’s episode aired?
The response has been great. I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me who are interested in becoming sexologists, so that’s been awesome. And then there’s people who don’t understand stuff about surrogacy. I don’t have to have sex with anyone and I think [viewers] missed that piece in the episode. Not all of it is about sex, and that’s not necessarily what I want to do; I don’t want to have intercourse with any of my clients. A lot of people have also been writing, “I’m so jealous of what you and Ian have. I really wish that I could have that kind of relationship with my partner.”

Yes, you two seem to have a very loving, very supportive, and very natural relationship.
And a lot of good sex! Don’t forget that part. [Laughs.]

How long were the two of you discussing whether or not you’d pursue surrogacy training?
It wasn’t really that big of a deal. I haven’t gone to the training yet because they have to have a certain amount of people to actually do it. Right now I just have my application in so it’s not really a big issue unless something comes up and I actually go to that training. So we’re still in the process, absolutely. We’re actually exactly where we left off in the episode.

Has anything else changed in your relationship?
Ian and I finished our 90 Days of Oral Sex. That was awesome. A lot of people had questions about that, too.

What was the biggest thing that you learned from that?
I think the big thing was that we’ll never stop learning about each other even though we’ve been together for six years. It was really great to get so intimate and really just take time over those 90 days to learn more about, specifically oral sex, but we learned a lot about each other.

Are you planning any similar challenges?
Yeah! We’re on another one right now. My next book is about power dynamics in relationship, like dominance, submission, and kinky play. Right at the end of our 90 Days of Oral we started a new project: 40 Days of Dominance, where I dominate [him] in the bedroom for 40 days and then we turn the table and [he] dominates me for 40 days.

Has that been a typical element of your relationship?
Not really, this is the first time we’re exploring it in six years. I’ve been a fairly vanilla sexologist. I’m accepting of everybody but when it comes to the kinky stuff it’s not been my area of expertise.

Is there anything that you’re opposed to doing or exploring?
I definitely have my hard limits–I’m not into peeing or pooping [laughs], pretty much the things you’ll think of: no blood play, no knives [laughs]. [But] I’m really non-judgmental, I want people to open up and be comfortable about anything when it comes to their sexuality.

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