I’m Married To A…: Jaiya The Sexologist On Surrogacy, Shame, And 50 Shades Of Grey

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What’s the most common thing your clients have difficulty talking about?
I think just sex in general. People are scared to talk about sex, especially their more dark fantasies. We all have fantasies and we all have edgy fantasies. In general we’re afraid to talk about it. It’s very taboo.

How has our sex culture changed since you began working in the industry?
50 Shades of Grey has really opened up a box. Sex and the City was one thing that really shifted things, and 50 Shades of Grey now has opened up another door. It’s not my favorite book in the world, but it’s been really good for the sex community in that it’s opened up a dialogue around kinky practices, sexuality, fantasy, and increased it’s kegel ball sales by 400%! [Laughs.] I think people are getting a little more adventurous. Books and media are great topic openers–they open up the conversation for people to talk about these “taboo”subjects.

What elements of culture tend to shame people from talking about sex?
I think it comes down to morals. I don’t know a lot about who’s out there because I try not to pay attention [to conservatism] because it makes me so upset [laughs]. It’s something that they don’t understand. I wish more people who understand each other instead or shaming other people or putting people down.

Did you and Ian have any reservations about putting your relationship on television?
I think Ian may have–he’s not as outspoken as I am. He definitely has his reservations about things, but the VH1 show has been one of the better experiences that we’ve had. I see the media as a way to start these conversations. For me, it’s a good thing. I really want to shift this view that sex is bad or wrong.

Have you always been this brave and open?
I’ve not always been this open about sex. It’s a constant unraveling. It’s a process, an ongoing process, and sometimes I just don’t think about it; I just think about how this might help. If it just affects one person in a positive way, then it’s a good thing. I’ve definitely paid for it, though. I’ve been ostracized from communities and had negative feedback because I’ve been so outspoken and public about the work that I do and just about sexuality.

What other relationship dynamics are you most interested in seeing explored on I’m Married To A…?
I know there’s going to be a dominatrix, so I’m interested in that. That’s really fun. Open relationships are really interesting, and anything to do with sexuality helps spread awareness of what things are and helps to break down some taboos and myths.

Do you think there’s anything unusual about your relationship?
I would say we’re pretty normal. Everybody’s relationship is different; there is no normal. What people do behind closed doors, nobody’s talking about and I see it every day. So every day in my office I have somebody who you would never suspect that by night like to put their penis in cantaloupes—you probably can’t publish that, but that’s the kind of stuff I see every day! I think we all have a little bit of weird.

Catch an all-new episode of I’m Married To A… on Sunday, April 28 at 10/9 C.

I'm Married To A... Jaiya And Ian

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[Photo: Michele Schwartz]