Dr. Jenn On Couples Therapy Episode 7: Crumbs Of Love

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This week on Couples Therapy, Ghostface learned the hard lesson about what happens when you play two women. (Two awesome, strong women, we might add.) You lose them both. In our weekly conversation with Dr. Jenn Berman, we discuss Ghost’s predicament and Kelsey‘s maturity throughout their breakup, and what Ghost might have learned from his situation. Later, we chat about Jon Gosselin and Liz and their issues with their incompatibility rating. Read what Dr. Jenn has to say right here.

I was so impressed with how Kelsey and Latrice handled things with Ghost. I’m used to seeing reality shows where, if a man comes between two women, they fight. Did you expect them to be so calm about their situation?

Wasn’t that amazing? I didn’t have any specific expectations, but I did have an expectation that because Kelsey was working so hard on herself in therapy that whatever happened would be therapeutic and would help her grow, and I felt like that moment when it clicked for her about not taking crumbs of someone’s love was a huge breakthrough moment for her. I thought it was so beautiful how she shared that with Latrice, it was so wonderful that she shared that.

What did you think of how Latrice dealt with Ghost?

Latrice was so calm and so dignified, I thought it was great. Some of it was that she was kind of stunned and hurt and a little emotionally numb, but at the same time she managed to stay emotionally present and take care of herself and make clear boundaries and I was really proud of her.

Some of the things Ghost said to her after she broke it off seemed a little manipulative and he was trying to get her back. Like when he talked about her smell and if she would miss his voice.

I think that’s a natural reaction when you see yourself losing someone you care about, to try to do anything you can to help pull them back in.

What did you think about how Liz and Jon handled their “incompatible” results in the compatibility exercise?

I think it’s never fun to hear negative news about your relationship, but I think the reaction was disproportionate to the information which, to me, meant it struck a nerve somewhere. For Jon, at least, that meant it he felt that something was being created to manipulate in some way, which was not at all the case, it was just supposed to be a fun exercise on compatibility.

Did you have any predictions about what the results would be for the couples when they did that exercise?

I had some suspicions, but I also wasn’t familiar enough with the research that Plenty Of Fish has done and what the factors that they found to be important were, so I was actually really curious myself. I thought it was really interesting.

You were with Farrah while she created her dating profile on the site and browsed for compatible dates, what did you observe about her in doing that?

It definitely became apparent what some of her Achilles Heels were in her picking process. Initially she was drawn to looks, choosing the external over the internal. She’s twenty-two years old, so, you know, we looked at the guy with the cute abs and the handsome face, but I think that in looking at the profiles together it was a great opportunity to really help her shift her thinking.

At the end of the episode when Whitney and Sada and Taylor and John all offered their advice to Jon about how poorly Liz treats him, do you encourage that in this setting since they’re all living together, or would you have preferred they wait until they’re in group with you so you can moderate their comments so things don’t get out of control?

Look, if things had gotten out of control then one of my counselors would have put a stop to it, but part of the magic of the group experience is getting feedback from the other group members, and you have this unique experience where you live with nine other people and you have this experience where there are people observing you and your relationship and you develop very honest relationships where you learn to give each other feedback. That’s part of the process, actually a very important part of the process. I think that their intentions with Jon were not to be mean or alienate Liz but to empower him. This group genuinely cares for each other and as a result of being on Couples Therapy, these six actually formed a really close bond.

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