Posts By Jonathan Durbin

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Friday’s Reviews Rage: Good Luck Chuck

good-luck-chuck-jessica.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Good Luck Chuck isn’t funny, entertaining, credible or witty. The film stars Dane Cook as a dentist whose love-life has been cursed. Jessica Alba is his crush. His best friend is Dan Fogler. And together the three of them are about as funny as a fart joke. A not-funny fart joke. The kind of fart joke that reads like a form from the IRS. A fart joke that could make you declare bankruptcy! Laughing yet?

“I’ve occasionally heard Dane Cook, one of the stars of Good Luck Chuck, described as a comedian. I find this confusing, since my understanding is that comedians are people who say and do things that are funny. Perhaps Mr. Cook is some new kind of conceptual satirist whose shtick is to behave in the manner of a person attempting to be funny without actually being, you know, funny. Or maybe he answered an ad in the back of a magazine and sent away for a mail-order license to practice comedy. Whether Jessica Alba, his co-star, acquired her acting credentials by similar means is an issue that will be addressed if she ever tries to act.” – The New York Times

“With any luck, you won’t upchuck.” – The New York Post
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Tila Tequila Takes All Comers

tequila.jpgOur fair sister network, MTV, has greenlit a somewhat interesting dating show: A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila. The idea behind it? Television’s very first bisexual dating game. Tila Tequila is the Internet celebrity said to be the most popular person on MySpace (and with over 2 million “friends,” whoever’s saying that just might be right). The show will feature 16 straight lesbians and 16 guys debasing themselv. . . er, vying for Tila’s love and attention. As the sexes and sexual orientations do battle, Tila becomes ever more famous and MTV breaks new ground. Or something. Says Ms. Tequila: “The only twist is that these guys and these girls have NO IDEA that I am bisexual and that they are competing against each others sexes!!! GUYS AGAINST GIRLS….WHO WILL I END UP HOOKING UP WITH????? WILL I BE STRAIGHT OR LESBIAN IN THE END?????” Jeez. They’re going to be untangling this one out in wymyn’s studies for the next 50 years or so. And that cash-register noise? Sounds like Tila’s got money in the bank. What you think about that?

Tune in to MTV October 9th at 10 p.m. and check our gallery of Tila Tequila pics.

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Total Trashing: Friday’s Reviews Rage

thebrotherssolomon.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: The Brothers Solomon isn’t exactly the star-making vehicle we’d hoped Kristen Wiig would find for herself. Oh, well. Maybe Walk Hard will be different.

“A stillborn mashup of Dumb & Dumber and Knocked Up.” — The New York Post

“Nothing is harder to overcome as a performer than a comedy going south. Director Bob Odenkirk lets every other exchange dribble on, suffocating on its own dead air and diorama staging.” — The Chicago Tribune

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Oh No They Didn’t: Friday’s Reviews Rage

balls.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Balls of Fury makes critics mad enough to spit firecrackers. They were expecting Citizen Kane? We don’t know.

Balls of Fury is a joke of a title in search of a movie with a single good joke.” — Entertainment Weekly

Balls of Fury was written by:
a. Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant.
b. A racist monkey.” — LA Weekly [multiple choice test]

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The Nuge Cracks, NRA Enjoys Free Press

nugent.jpgLate last week, gun-toting Republican firebrand Ted Nugent invited Vibe cover star and rising presidential hopeful Barack Obama to suck on his machine gun. Nugent also called Obama “a piece of sh*t.” He nugent.jpgthen invited Hillary Clinton to ride his machine gun into the sunset, and called her “a worthless bitch.” (Click here to watch the footage.)

Helluva guy, that Ted. He must be best friends with Don Imus.

For those of you who don’t remember Nugent, he’s the genius who wrote “Cat Scratch Fever.” He’s also the drooling-lunatic-of-choice when it comes to punditry about gun control. It turns out that Ted’s not in favor of gun control. Go figure. Anyway, in a twist to this story, it turns out that the Nuge was scheduled to play a state fair in South Dakota. The fair’s organizer apparently contacted Nugent’s representative to remind Mr. Man that he would be performing for a family crowd. Ted kept his death-threats in check. But we wish that the fair’s organizer would have asked him to play Harlem instead. We can hope, though. All good things come to those who wait.

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Boys to Men – Mission: Manband Episode 4 Recap

Mission: Man Band
Last night’s Man Band was a cruel exercise in humiliation. When Miss Kate forced the guys to perform at the Orlando Magic half-time show against their will, that was one thing. Everyone was expecting to be booed. And booed they were. But when Miss Kate pointlessly, antagonistically made them listen to radio jocks tear their performance to shreds the following morning, that was something else. And when she made them watch a tape of the show, that was the camel that broke the straw’s back. Read more…

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I Hate My Fridays – (I Hate My 30s Recap)

Kelly

You know you’re over 30 when you discover that bad credit and collection agencies aren’t just the stuff of insomniac theater. In last night’s I Hate My 30s, Chad‘s poor financial habits catch up with him and leave him homeless. In the meantime, Kyle and Katie get an unexpected visitor. The two roommates get to host Kyle’s teenage niece, Kelly, after she has an argument with her mother and runs away from home. Kelly’s the shoe-shopping obsessive of Internet fame, and her abrasive personality doesn’t mesh well with Katie, who’s an obsessive herself — an obsessive real-estate agent. We caught up with Katie and Kelly to ask them about each other, Kyle and shoes. Interviews after the jump. Read more…

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Oh No They Didn’t: Friday’s Reviews Rage

nanny-diaries1.jpgEvery week we round up selections from the funniest, most obscene and brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: The film adaptation of The Nanny Diaries, a roman-a-clef about a young woman (Scarlett Johansson) who tends to the children of an obscenely wealthy Manhattan family and falls in love with a Harvard hunk (Chris Evans), isn’t just execrable. Apparently it’s so far beyond insulting, it’s got liberal standard-bearer The Village Voice arguing for the rights of employers everywhere. Enjoy the irritating fantasy, audiences!

“A grim slog . . . a display of chick-flick clichés through the ages.” — New York

“Boss hate . . . has become something of a literary cottage industry in recent years, with the appearance of several surprise bestsellers about the disgruntled underlings of the rich and famous (or the merely rich), most of which are so fatally predictable in their imperious bile-spewing as to make you wonder when some CEO will counter the trend with the scandalous memoir The Assistant Shows Up Late, Makes Personal Calls on Company Time, and Is Delusional Enough to Think That I Should Actually Care About Her Feelings.” — The Village Voice

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Interweb Superstar Kelly Hits
I Hate My 30s


If you’ve never seen Kelly’s video for “Shoes,” then truly, you have truly been missing out. Kelly is the alter-ego of comedian Liam Sullivan, and she rose to fame off this video. Apparently, she like shoes. If you tell her she has big feet she’ll stomp you. She hates her parents. And she’s also in this week’s episode of I Hate My 30s.

After an argument with her mother, Kelly shows up on her cousin Kyle’s doorstep. In very short order she manages to disrupt the entire cast of the show, wreaking havoc like only a 16-year-old obsessive with the personal hygiene of a bottom-feeding mud wrestler possibly could. Check back on Friday for our recap of the show, plus our interview with Kelly. Revealing.

I Hate My 30s airs this Thursday at 10:30 p.m. (EDT).

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Boys to Men – Mission: Manband Episode 3 Recap

Mission: Man Band

Want to know what panic is? Panic is when you have 36 hours to prep for a performance during half-time at an Orlando Magic game and you don’t even have a song written yet, much less your dance moves down. Yes, that’s panic, but that’s also Mission: Manband, the show where it’s becoming increasingly obvious that Miss Kate, the band’s manager, is an expert in torture. Psychological torture. As Rich said, “I hope I can hear myself over all the boos.” Read more…