MTV’s sketch comedy series Human Giant is so funny it will make your face slide off your head. No, they haven’t paid us to write that. The show returns tonight at 11 p.m. (EST). In the interim — the interminable, gray, existential interim — we’ve decided to whet your appetites with the above sex tape clip (NSFW). In the sketch, Aziz Ansari and Paul Scheer wear Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen masks to get into an exclusive club. Once inside, Will Arnett mistakes them for ladies and hits on them, hard. Then he sleeps with them in the most disgusting ways possible. This is white-lightning comedy, folks. If you can’t handle the funny, best not click above.
Posts By Jonathan Durbin
Celebrity Fit Club returns next Thursday, but we have the first episode available for you now (see the first segment above). This time, Drill Sgt. Harvey Walden IV (Ret.) presents the celebrities with a grueling, eight-week-long boot camp. The new recruits include Erin Moran (Happy Days), comedian Sommore, former American Idol host Brian Dunkleman and A.J. Benza from High Stakes Poker. Returning celebrities include Toccara, Tina Yothers, Willie Aames and Dustin Diamond, who says he’s going to be more cooperative this season. Harvey, needless to say, isn’t impressed. Watch the full episode here, and get ready to feel the pain.
If you’re really ready to feel the pain, you could win a four-night vacation at Club Med Ixtapa Pacific in Mexico . . . and your own personal training session with Harvey. If you’re the sort of masochist to whom this would appeal, then get ready to have your mind blown: the package includes hotel, airfare, transportation and a variety of goodies. Enter to win here.
In unbelievable news for anyone who’s ever asked for early-warning fraud protection on their credit cards, identity thieves managed to steal Kurt Cobain‘s social security number and have purchased a $3.2 million New Jersey mansion in his name. The trouble is that Cobain has been dead since 1994, and even when he was alive, he wasn’t the biggest fan of buying stuff. According to Courtney Love, the criminals have also registered 188 credit cards in her name, and have made off with around $69 million from the couple and their daughter’s trust fund. Love writes on her MySpace page: “I find this whole thing so offensive because until Kurts social security number was checked noone took it seriously, but hey here is the Experian with 188 visas on it, thats not Bi Polar, that is reality .” We’re on Love’s side here, and are a little shocked that the use of Cobain’s name didn’t raise any red flags over at the credit reporting agencies. Maybe they were sleeping on the job? Maybe they were just asleep? That would help explain how Janis Joplin recently purchased a chain of fried chicken restaurants, and that Jimi Hendrix-owned cruise-line we keep hearing about.
In honor of tonight’s final, we assembled this helpful gallery of all the folks on Celebrity Rehab. It’s a short way to help you negotiate the problems and various predicaments our celebrities are suffering from. Read more inside, and tune in tonight at 10 p.m. (EST) to catch the show’s finale.
BET premiered Janet Jackson‘s clip for “Rock With U.” The song has overtones of Australian club-queen Kylie Minogue, and the video’s set in a club (or sound stage, let’s be honest) that recalls a futuristic mental hospital/the well-designed drum ‘n’ bass nightspots of decades past. Janet herself is looking fairly fly, dressed in an outfit that looks a little like what might happen if Project Runway winner Christian Siriano did fetish wear. Would Christian collaborate with Janet? We suspect so, yes. Jackson is currently topping the charts with her provocative Discipline. To see other Janet videos — and watch her comment on them — check out our fresh Box Set.
In an unfortunate turn of events, poor Danny Noriega (whose spin on “Tainted Love” last night was horrid) is appearing all over the Internets in a video (see above). In the 30-second clip, recorded some unspecified time ago, Noriega sings “We wish you a merry Christmas” before lapsing into vulgarity and insults. Specifically, he says he hopes that Santa rapes your mom. And so ends Mr. Noriega’s 14th minute. Tune into American Idol on Thursday night to see whether or not Simon and company will finish Noriega’s chance at stardom permanently.
There’s been a whole lot of neon in pop culture lately. First, Kanye West collaborated with Daft Punk on “Stronger,” made a video that combined the look of Akira with the narrative of Guns N’ Roses’ “Estranged,” and then showed up to the Grammys wearing a jacket that was literally so flashy it was designed to light up. Then Rihanna – who will appear on Kanye’s Glow in the Dark Tour — played the Brit Awards fronting new-rave darlings the Klaxons. Now comes French DJ duo Justice‘s new video (for “DVNO,” above). It’s the best video we’ve seen since the last time Justice released a video (for “D.A.N.C.E.”). Enjoy the outer-spaciness, kids. After the jump, watch Rihanna playing “Umbrella” at a rave that looks like it was thrown by wayward cast members from Tron.
Well, it was bound to happen — people in public walks of life just seem to have trouble keeping their pants on. This year’s crop of Idol contestants is no exception. Consider David Hernandez. The 24-year-old Arizona native used to strip for his supper, according to Gordy Bryan, the Phoenix-area manager of Dick’s Cabaret. The Associated Press reports Hernandez appeared “fully nude and performing lap dances for the club’s ‘mostly male’ clientele.” It isn’t clear if there will be repercussions for the contestant from Fox, but Hernandez was apparently entertaining the troops as recently as last September. (It’s worth keeping in mind that season two’s Frenchie Davis was disqualified because of some semi-nude photos she’d shot for an adult Web site.) It’s good to know he’s got a fall-back career, should the whole Idol thing not pan out.
In other news, Celebtv.com is reporting that racy-ish, lesbian-ish photos of Ramiele Malubay have surfaced on the Internets. The photos feature Malubay touching another woman’s fully clothed breast, and lying on a bed (again, fully clothed). All this compels us to introduce Celebtv.com to the difference between a mountain and a molehill: One is large, the other is small, and Ramiele Malubay, at least for the moment, is neither.
A French radio station played the first single from Madonna‘s new album Hard Candy on Friday and all the Interweb is reaping the benefit. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland co-produced “Four Minutes to Save the World.” Her Madgesty trades off verses with Timberlake, who is either doing a very passable Michael Jackson impression or demonstrating just how much love he has for Cee-Lo. The song is a straight-up dance-floor classic, with the sort of bounce and jiggle made for South Beach clubs. Guitars grind; drums pummel; and the synths . . . er, synth. The song means for you to get up and dance, and in that, it’s successful. Madonna sings “The road to heaven is paved with good intentions,” which isn’t exactly how we remember the saying going, but whatever. It’s loud, busy, grinding and full of energy. No word on whether the French DJ who leaked this is currently running for his life, but we suspect that might be the case. Until the song gets an official release, check it out here.
Despite the news that most of the Oscars‘ usual after-party-fanfare had been canceled in light of the writers’ strike (shame on you, Vanity Fair, for shame!), there was still plenty of action. The celebrities were in fine moods. Just see how they were behaving on the red carpet (above) — and it only got better. (Well, except for Gary Busey, but we digress.) Most dropped in on Elton John’s AIDS Foundation after-party at the Pacific Design Center. Among those who attended were Marion Cotillard, Harrison Ford, George Clooney, Sean Penn, Sharon Stone, the Coen brothers, Courtney Love, Heidi Klum and Seal, Daniel Day-Lewis, Anne Hathaway . . . and Sir Elton himself, who, when asked if he ever got starstruck, responded: “Of course I get starstruck! Mary J. is coming! Ahhhhh!” We love superstars when they’re being effusive. Check back tomorrow for video from the shindig.