God bless America – land of beauty pageant contestants who can’t walk for sh*t. Yes, it’s time to add falling on your ass to our long list of national traditions, alongside burgers, barbecues and baseball. In last night’s Miss Universe pageant in Vietnam, Miss USA Crystle Stewart of Texas secured a spot in the Top Ten and then blew it when she tumbled during some dress-y walk. Her recovery attempt of cheering for herself and then executing a crushing death stare at the judges did nothing for her chances, and she lost to some hot chick from Venezuela. This is the second time a Miss USA has taken a tumble in the Miss Universe competition – last year’s finalist made it to the Top 5, even after a spill in the evening gown competition. At least our American losers can forever bond over their sore asses.
Lindsay Lohan‘s not-so-secret half-sister has expressed thorrow that her thiblings do not know that she exisths, but now she can sleep easy – after her appearance on The Insider, the entire world will know exactly who she is! Is this tiny chick already more media savvy than her alleged big sister? Not to mention, it’s finally clear what kind of lady Michael Lohan likes: fame whores with country singer hair. Ashley, 13, and her mom snuggled together and wept tears of desperation for The Insider‘s cams, and the 30 second clip of tonight’s interview is better than I Know Who Killed Me in its entirety. Seriously, Ashley – whose father has yet to be confirmed via a paternity test – has got IT – you know, that moral-less void that leads redhead teens to crash cars high on coke and design $100 leggings.
Enjoy their attempt at garnering fame and hundreds of dollars above. [DListed]
The queen of good deeds and all things perfect, Angelina Jolie, gave birth to twins (one boy, one girl) this past Saturday night at the Lenval hospital in Southern France. The actress, who popped ‘em out via C-section, was of course, “speaking and laughing” during the birth. She probably recited the magna carta and listed facts about every world leader as her twins were lifted from her body, surrounded by weeping angels and rose petals. The kids both clocked in at around 5 pounds, and are named Vivienne and Knox (hmmm, MaddoX, PaX – see a trend?). We already know the Jolie-Pitts can produce beautiful girl babies (see Shiloh), and now we have our chance to finally see what the son of Brad Pitt will look like. Our guess: f*cking hot. [Us]
Here’s an idea for all you famous people and pundits out there: If you are attached to a microphone, do not talk sh*t about anyone – especially the Democratic nominee for president. Otherwise you’ll end up like Jesse Jackson today, backpedaling on comments he made about Barack Obama while appearing of Fox News a few days ago. In a moment of down time, Jackson whispered to the guy next to him, “Barack’s been talking down to black people…I want to cut his nuts off.” Turns out his mic was on and the awesome investigative journalists at Fox News are having a grand ol’ time airing the thing all over their channel.
Jackson apologized, of course, because he’s gotta save face somehow. Obama accepted, and so now we can all just move on, right? Wrong. The media frenzy continues, thanks in part to a statement released by Jesse’s new number one critic – his son. “His divisive and demeaning comments about the presumptive Democratic nominee — and I believe the next president of the United States — contradict his inspiring and courageous career,” said Representative Jesse Jackson Jr. Ahhh – nothing like a little family feud to spice things up. If we were Junior we’d watch our balls – er – back. [AP]
Jen Aniston should know that snooping through your boyfriend’s sh*t is always going to lead to discovering something you don’t want to see – naked pics, a dream journal – so why is she digging around John Mayer‘s guitar case? Jen supposedly came upon a bunch of love letters written to the rocker from ex-flame Jessica Simpson, and she was reportedly “hurt.” Yeah, our eyes would hurt to having to look her chicken scratch. A source – probably Papa Joe Simpson – said the letters were “very touching and well written,” forgetting to add “for an idiot.” [NYP]
The divorce drama is over. Think their kids are psyched?
Christie Brinkley and her porn-addicted, teen-boinking husband Peter Cook, have settled their divorce hearing, leaving the rest of us in the dark about why they decided to take their dirt out of the courtroom. Lawyers apparently hashed it out all night and reached a settlement at 6:15 AM this morning. Cook, you may recall, nailed his 21-year old office assistant and had a $3000-a-month online porn habit. Dreamy!
Supposedly the couple’s custody agreement will stay the same – Cook gets the kids on Wednesdays and alternating weekends – and he also, according to a source, “conceded substantial grounds on the assets portion of the divorce.” Want that in human speak? Brinkley gets to keep all 18 of their expensive real estate properties in the Hamptons, Cook gets $2.1 million. Nice work, Uptown Girl. [Us/People]
Poor Alex Rodriguez. He should have known what he was messing with when he fell in love with Madonna. This is a chick who married Sean Penn when she was like, 12! You don’t fall in love with Madonna. She chews you up and spits you out, and your remains become art. But the Yankee slugger doesn’t give a sh*t, telling his teammate (Please let it be Jason Giambi‘s moustache) that he’s in love with the singer and that Madonna is “my (bleeping) soulmate, dude.”
Oh A-Rod, get over yourself. Madonna has a soulmate, and it’s herself.
Hungry for today’s latest on the A-Rod scandal? Here’s the scoop:
Lenny Kravitz was told by his manager (and Madonna’s) that he was going to “pimp out Madonna and A-Rod.” He disapproved and fired the guy, and then he ended up linked to A-Rod’s wife. Lenny’s pissed, naturally.
If that baby could talk, she’d say, “Mommy, why the hell do you have five pounds of makeup on your face?” You look like Aunt Britney!” Luckily, baby Maddie is a few months away from chatting (and dare we suggest, singing?), and she looks all sorts of adorable hanging out with her 17-year old ma. If you’re interested in learning all about the baby’s schedule and feeding and blah blah blah, you can click here for all the sugary sweetness. But here’s the most important thing for you to know: Jamie-Lynn are her kid are perfect. “I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery,” the teen gushes.
If only she had had a perfect makeup artist for her photoshoot too. Can’t win ‘em all! [OK!]
Hip-Hop king Russell Simmons and his model girlfriend Porschla Coleman have ended their new agey love, and Simmons supposedly sent her packing, finishing the deed with a lengthy post in his Huffington Post blog. In it he describes their veggie-loving connection and their yoga practice, which culminated in Porschla receiving her teaching certification thanks, of course, to Russell, who provided a scholarship at her yoga studio through which she funded her studies. But he’s now setting his pretty young thing free to downward dog on his own for a while. Here’s a snippet of his rambling farewell:
A little over a year ago, I met a very sweet and beautiful girl in Atlanta at a party for my book, Do You!. We talked at length about our vegan diets and common interest in yoga. She too was feeling the shift that is happening in America right now of people looking inward…Eventually, she decided to pursue a high certification of yoga that would… license her as a teacher of Jivamukti Yoga. It has been inspiring to see her work so hard towards such an impressive goal. Her name is Porschla Coleman.
He ends his post with ” Congratulations, Porschla, and thank you for the inspiration.” He forgot to add, “Thank you for letting me dump you and then try to make myself feel better by posting this rambling mess about how great you are. But I’m just not that into you. Namaste.” [BET]
This might just be the greatest interview of the century. In a chat with Complex Magazine,Flavor Flav revealed all the stuff we wish we never knew about him – like the worst prank he ever played and the deets of his virginity loss at age 6. Holy crap. Read below for our favorite moments, and check out the entire amazing thing here.
On the time he ate a booger as part of a prank, and how he got revenge: For the person that put the booger on my hamburger, I got him back by taking some dog sh*t and putting it on the Ritz Crackers and he ate that sh*t.
Discussing his most prized possession: When we were over in Switzerland, they made a Flav Coo-Coo clock. And when it strikes three o’clock you got little Flav that comes out and say “YeahhhhhBoy! YeahhhhhBoy!”
Detailing the disturbing tale of losing his virginity at six-years old: Where did I lose my virginity? I lost my virginity in the bushes on a box…A girl and me were having sex on a box in the bushes, in some big tall bushes….This was when I was real, real, real, real, young….I lost my virginity when I was 6 years old…Because you know we learned to have done the nasty back in the days, and me and this girl we experiment, we were experimenting, and my little joint got hard, I penetrated for about a few seconds.