Posts By VH1

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Blog Best-Of: Elijah’s Raw Power

Elijah_links- Elijah Wood is set to play Iggy Pop in a biopic. Naughty little Frodo! [Dlisted]

- Here’s something amazing: John Travolta actually makes for an uglier woman than Divine ever did. In Hollywood, anything is possible! [Crunk + Disorderly]

- T.I. shoots a video for "You Know What It Is." In this case, "it" apparently means "butt" and what it is is huge. [CONCRETELOOP]

- The freak is brought out of Jessica Alba thanks to Terry Richardson‘s photography. Finally, she is as trashy as she wants to be. [CityRag]

- Pam Anderson‘s nipple slips out of her dress. Isn’t it more shocking when Pam Anderson’s nipple slips into her dress? [Egotastic!]

[Image credit: Getty]

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How Lohan Can She Go?

Linds_deenSometimes, even if I’m nowhere near a TV or computer, even if I’m brushing my teeth or balancing my checkbook or digging up carrots from my garden, I get the urge to scream, "SHUT UP, DINA LOHAN." This woman’s fame-mongering at the expense of her family makes her the most visible stage mother of this generation. That’s quite a distinction to hold! Simply put, she is a disease.

Of course, I don’t really want her to shut up — she provides way too much entertainment whenever she makes the mistake of opening her mouth. Her latest interview, with Us, is short in length but long on idiocy. It was hard to pick just one quote that sums up the stupidity, so we have two:

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Celebrity Fit Club Preview: Biggest F***in’ Blow-Up Yet!

All the throwdowns from the current drama-filled season of Celebrity Fit Club seem like kids’ stuff compared to the clip below. In the uncensored snippet from the episode that will air Sunday, Dustin and the grizzly drill sergeant Harvey go toe-to-toe when Dustin’s weigh-in devolves into a screaming match. After Dustin threatens violence on Ant and then Harvey, Harvey goes ballistic with a multi-minute tirade in which he promises to "f*** [Dustin's] world up!" It’s seriously amazing that his head didn’t explode from the pressure.

After Harvey finishes screaming he says, "Now put that bitch on VSPOT." How could we not?!? Don’t miss this.

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Blog Best-Of: Demi and Ashton’s Demise?

Ash_demi_links- Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might be on the brink of a split. That’s nothing a little Kabbalah water can’t fix! [CityRag]

- Ne-Yo confesses that he’s a butt man. Somehow this is not surprising. [Bossip]

- Ewan McGregor puts in a "huge order" for underwear that "helps to lift and promote the size of a man’s genitals." Because all those full-frontal scenes aren’t doing enough to promote Ewan McGregor’s genitals. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com]

- Lindsay Lohan has a nip slip. If that doesn’t make her hot, nothing will! [Egotastic!]

- Sanjaya takes part in a drag show. See what happens when you click your heels three times and chant, "There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!"? [Dlisted]

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Paris Is Stressing

Paris_distress

For today’s shot of schadenfreude, you need to look no further than at the media’s favorite whipping girl of late, Paris Hilton. According to Paris’ psychiatrist, the entitled heir is "distraught and traumatized" over her looming 45-day jail sentence. The idea of Paris Hilton in discomfort is freaking iconic (hence the image above).

Still, this distress may actually work out for Paris, allowing her to postpone testimony in a slander suit against her brought on by nemesis Zeta Graff. But even if the shrink’s tale is b.s., it’s b.s. worth believing. Now when anyone asks where Paris is, we can all laugh and say, "She had to go cry." [People]

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Lindsay: Not Hot, Just Sweaty

Lohan_hot1

Lindsay Lohan has been named the hottest woman on the planet by the apparently blind people at Maxim magazine. What are they snorting? Lindsay’s stash?

It’s not that Lindsay is a bad-looking girl — somewhere under her porn-star extensions, raccoon eyes and leathery skin that would look saaaaad on someone 20 years her senior, is a pretty girl. Maybe. But hot? She’s virtually sexless. Even her rack, once impressive in a look-but-don’t-Lolita kinda way, now fails to inspire. Lindsay Lohan completely renounced any idea of hotness the day she revealed that she’s packing cold cuts between her legs. For real: her firecrotch isn’t even hot.

Lindsay beat out Jessica Alba (No. 2) and Scarlett Johansson (No. 3) for the top spot, in something of a superficial travesty. Need more proof of Lindsay’s not-hotness? Check out the shots below the jump. The best is the one in which she’s blowing a kiss. She’s going for Marilyn Monroe and ends up Marilyn Mongross.

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Of Course ScarJo Isn’t Shallow!

Scarjomen_scarjoDespite being linked to almost every hot guy that Hollywood has to offer, Scarlett Johansson says that looks aren’t everything:

"I think it’s the full picture," she says. "I look at a guy and think he has such a cute nose or such nice eyes, but there isn’t one feature I look for in a guy. One thing that I look for that isn’t physical is a healthy confidence…If somebody is confident in a way that you would admire – being strong, funny – that can make someone that you might not initially be attracted to more attractive."

Riiiight. After the jump, we rifle through ScarJo’s past and rumored loves to see if her philosophy holds up…

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Tough Love for Paris

Paris_adviceParis Hilton‘s 45-day jail sentence is so sensational that people we haven’t heard from since at least before the word "blog" was invented are stepping up to snark. The funniest comes from notorious ex-con Patty Hearst, who contacted TMZ.com to deny a report that she’s giving Paris advice. Instead, she takes the opportunity to riff on Paris’ recent misfortune: "I must say that my heart goes out to the inmates of the Century Regional Detention Center. Forty-five days with Paris Hilton and the attendant publicity seems like cruel and unusual punishment to me. Perhaps THEY should be petitioning the Governor for relief?" she writes. Hands down, this is the best commentary on Paris yet. Get this cult figure a blog, stat!

Patty recommends that Paris "read Candy Spelling‘s letter several times and take her advice to heart," which brings us to our next item…

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