In a crushing blow to all who believe in justice and light, it has been announced that Paris Hilton may end up serving just 23 days in jail — roughly half of her 45-day sentence. Nooooooo! Whyyyyy?
Well, actually, there’s a rational explanation: "Under Los Angeles county regulations she will receive good behavior credits at the start of her sentence. Provided she behaves well, she could be released after 23 days," reports a mouthpiece for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Still, I ask: Nooooooo! Whyyyyy?
While the reduced-sentence is still up in the air, what is for sure is that Paris will be kept in a "special-needs housing unit," away from the general population of the prison. And so, it turns out that Paris has every right to act entitled because, clearly, she is entitled.
All together now: Nooooooo! Whyyyyy? [AFP/Yahoo! / Image credit: Getty]
Sometimes, even if I’m nowhere near a TV or computer, even if I’m brushing my teeth or balancing my checkbook or digging up carrots from my garden, I get the urge to scream, "SHUT UP, DINA LOHAN." This woman’s fame-mongering at the expense of her family makes her the most visible stage mother of this generation. That’s quite a distinction to hold! Simply put, she is a disease.
Of course, I don’t really want her to shut up — she provides way too much entertainment whenever she makes the mistake of opening her mouth. Her latest interview, with Us, is short in length but long on idiocy. It was hard to pick just one quote that sums up the stupidity, so we have two:
All the throwdowns from the current drama-filled season of Celebrity Fit Club seem like kids’ stuff compared to the clip below. In the uncensored snippet from the episode that will air Sunday, Dustin and the grizzly drill sergeant Harvey go toe-to-toe when Dustin’s weigh-in devolves into a screaming match. After Dustin threatens violence on Ant and then Harvey, Harvey goes ballistic with a multi-minute tirade in which he promises to "f*** [Dustin's] world up!" It’s seriously amazing that his head didn’t explode from the pressure.
After Harvey finishes screaming he says, "Now put that bitch on VSPOT." How could we not?!? Don’t miss this.
- Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might be on the brink of a split. That’s nothing a little Kabbalah water can’t fix! [CityRag]
- Ne-Yo confesses that he’s a butt man. Somehow this is not surprising. [Bossip]
- Ewan McGregor puts in a "huge order" for underwear that "helps to lift and promote the size of a man’s genitals." Because all those full-frontal scenes aren’t doing enough to promote Ewan McGregor’s genitals. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com]
- Lindsay Lohan has a nip slip. If that doesn’t make her hot, nothing will! [Egotastic!]
- Sanjaya takes part in a drag show. See what happens when you click your heels three times and chant, "There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!"? [Dlisted]
For today’s shot of schadenfreude, you need to look no further than at the media’s favorite whipping girl of late, Paris Hilton. According to Paris’ psychiatrist, the entitled heir is "distraught and traumatized" over her looming 45-day jail sentence. The idea of Paris Hilton in discomfort is freaking iconic (hence the image above).
Lindsay Lohan has been named the hottest woman on the planet by the apparently blind people at Maxim magazine. What are they snorting? Lindsay’s stash?
It’s not that Lindsay is a bad-looking girl — somewhere under her porn-star extensions, raccoon eyes and leathery skin that would look saaaaad on someone 20 years her senior, is a pretty girl. Maybe. But hot? She’s virtually sexless. Even her rack, once impressive in a look-but-don’t-Lolita kinda way, now fails to inspire. Lindsay Lohan completely renounced any idea of hotness the day she revealed that she’s packing cold cuts between her legs. For real: her firecrotch isn’t even hot.
Lindsay beat out Jessica Alba (No. 2) and Scarlett Johansson (No. 3) for the top spot, in something of a superficial travesty. Need more proof of Lindsay’s not-hotness? Check out the shots below the jump. The best is the one in which she’s blowing a kiss. She’s going for Marilyn Monroe and ends up Marilyn Mongross.
Despite being linked to almost every hot guy that Hollywood has to offer, Scarlett Johansson says that looks aren’t everything:
"I think it’s the full picture," she says. "I look at a guy and think he has such a cute nose or such nice eyes, but there isn’t one feature I look for in a guy. One thing that I look for that isn’t physical is a healthy confidence…If somebody is confident in a way that you would admire – being strong, funny – that can make someone that you might not initially be attracted to more attractive."
Riiiight. After the jump, we rifle through ScarJo’s past and rumored loves to see if her philosophy holds up…