‘Last night’s American Idol was the first of a "two night TV extravaganza" known as Idol Gives Back, on which our heroes sang "life anthem songs of compassion and hope." That description may have given you back the meal you just ate, but really, the purpose of the night was to raise money through calls that Ryan Seacrest said will "not only save your favorite contestants—they will also save lives." Jeez, as though it weren’t pressure enough to have to choose between your favorite of the top six, now the voting process is a life or death situation.
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America Dumps Heather Mills From "Dancing"
Her elimination shocked everyone, except Paul’s ex, who had a farewell speech tucked in her top. [People]
Cruise Orders Katie To Take "Mommy Lessons"
Tom has suggested his wife attends the Scientology Church to become a better mother. [Us Magazine]
Reese to Aniston: Stay Away From Jake
Pics of Jen and Jake Gyllenhaal sharing a kiss at a recent awards ceremony have Witherspoon freaked. [Entertainment Wise]
Sanjaya: ‘I’m Not Just a Musician’
He wants to be a triple threat: singer, actor, and model. [MSN]
Blubbery Brit Has ATight New Bod
A belly-baring Spears was spotted last night, showing off her abs. It’s amazing what photoshop can do. JK! [TMZ]
Underwood Pulls Move on Cowboys’ QB
She helped Tony Romo celebrate his 27th birthday over the weekend. Hope she bought him some Stickum. [People]
Russian Pays $1.2 Million for J.Lo
A billionaire bought a 40-minute concert for his wife’s b-day bash. [People]
La Lohan Leaves Knightley’s Lesbian Flick
Lindsay threw a "Mean Girl" and quit Keira Knightley’s new movie, shattering any chance that their girl-on-girl action will make it to the big screen. [Fox]
Chris Rock’s Alleged Baby Mama: Scams, Lies & DUI’s
Cops say the woman has been full of s**t for years: stealing, partying, making up wild stories and even running an elaborate cell scam. [TMZ]
Tom Cruise to Detox 9/11 Victims
The actor believes he can cure those exposed to toxins with Scientology. [CBS]
Victoria Beckham Blows $4000 on Undies
Has posh decided to repay her hubby for spoling her? Enjoy David. [Entertainment Wise]
MTV Stars Too Boring for Porn
Jason Wahler ("Laguna Beach") and Lauren Conrad ("The Hills") are apparently so vanilla in bed that a porn company has killed their sex tape. [TMZ]
Only makes it stronger. The newly ex-American Idol contestant speculated about his future in the media — always a wise idea, kids — saying that he’d like to act, model and sing. He also said that given the violent reactions viewers had to his singing and hairstyles, he was considering hiring a bodyguard. The latest to weigh in? Idol winner Kelly Clarkson, who gave MTV this soundbite: "One of my friends [wanted] the Sanjaya guy to win. Oh, man, he’s crazy. I think [it would have been] funny, but I like Jordin Sparks. She’s passionate and still not jaded." That proves Clarkson’s a kinder person than Simon Cowell, who had this to say: "I miss [Sanjaya], probably in the same way as I would miss my favorite horror movie." Do you miss Sanjaya in the same way you would miss your favorite horror movie?
Yeah, you’re all hopped up to hear the new Arctic Monkeys disc, Favorite Worst Nightmare. Lots of people are. Crank the volume to 11 and prepare to be messed with when "Brianstorm" comes squawking out of the band’s MySpace page. See ‘em live by jumping in here.
A morsel of Bjork’s new Volta is up for sampling on her page, too. The choppy "Innocence" is seductive in a robotic kind of way. The full CD doesn’t drop until May 8. The Icelandic one is does her thing on Saturday Night Live tomorrow.
The always impressive Queens of the Stone Age do the math on their latest track, "3′s & 7′s." It’s from their pending disc Era Vulgaris, and it’s currently streaming on their Web site. The guys will salute Ozzy Osbourne at VH1′s Rock Honors on May 24. Don’t miss.
Simon Explains Rolling His Eyes at Virginia Tech Comment
Idol tough guy calls internet-fueled criticism "rubbish," but apologizes anyway. Maybe being smug doesn’t always work! [E!]
Snoop to UNICEF: I Want Xbox, Weed
The super stoned rapper refused to go on stage at a benefit unless an Xbox was installed in his dressing room. [New York Post]
Is Katie Holmes Leaving Cruise in the Dust?
She’s reconnecting with family and friends, and even talking to catholic priests. What’s next? [MSNBC]
Canadians love to make fun of Fergie. First Alanis Morissette made a funny Interweb video with her morose cover of “My Humps.” Now super-rude sex rapper Peaches has created a video that mocks Alanis mocking Fergie. (It’s very meta, a distinctly Canadian state of mind.) It’s called “My Dumps” and it’s not really safe for work, unless you work for the Department of Sanitation.
Who made the better spoof: Alanis or Peaches?
The Malakar era is kaput. The pony-hawking, bandana-wearing, utra-pitchy and mildly cute Sanjaya has been pushed through American Idol’s trap door. "Sanjaya is love" said mentor Diana Ross a few weeks ago. Sure, we’ll agree. And now he’s history, too. "Let’s give ‘em something to talk about," squeeked the singer while ruining Bonnie Raitt’s lustful tune on last night’s show, "other than hair." For the last six weeks, he coifed his way to fame. Wonder if Chris or Phil can pull that off in the next few weeks…