Key to Snoop’s Success: Sex, Weed and Fighting

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Snoop DoggIt seems like Snoop Dogg strolls down every red carpet that is rolled out in every corner of the world, not to mention he just taped a new Storytellers for VH1. (Coming Friday: a sneak peek and exclusive online clip.) How did the rapper/actor become such a pop culture fixture? To answer this question is to lay out a blueprint for struggling artists and actors everywhere.

Some might believe Snoop is so ubiquitous because he’s sold millions of albums. This is not the case. There’s plenty of multi-platinum selling rappers that aren’t household names. Others believe Snoop’s fame comes from hustling. Pimp C hustled. Was he invited to red carpet events around the world?

The answer, I believe, lies in Snoop’s face — his bold, cinematic face. When Snoop scowls, the paparazzi goes crazy. His meanly-contorted face, backed up by run-ins with the law, adds a sense of danger and excitement to otherwise drab events. But in order to emulate Snoop, it’s critical to understand what drives those theatrical expressions.

To this end, I spent hours studying hundreds of Snoop Dogg photographs. At first I was bewildered, reading emotions into his face that simply aren’t there, including self-doubt, happiness and remorsefulness. You see, Snoop has three — and only three — thoughts that drive each and every look on his face. (Although sometimes they cross over with one another, producing facial contortions that are slightly harder to interpret.) If you are a wannabe pop star or actor, then think about one of the following lines whenever you’re in front of a camera. Like Snoop, you might end up with the career of your dreams.

Snoop Dogg’s Three Thoughts:

1. I’m About to F*ck You Up

2. You Gonna Get It, Doggystyle

3. Bitch, Roll Me Another Blunt

To prove my point, I’ve paired 16 images with Snoop’s thoughts at the time of each shot.

“I’m About to F*ck You Up” and “Bitch, Roll Me Another Blunt”

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“I’m About to F*ck You Up”

Snoop: “I’m About to F*ck You Up”

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ego trip’s Miss Rap Supreme: See the House, Meet the Girls

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Above, a Hitchcockian tour of the house used on ego trip’s Miss Rap Supreme, as guided by one of the show’s hosts, MC Serch.

Below, a close-up look at all the rhyme-slinging women who will compete for the title of Miss Rap Supreme, starting April 14, when the elimination-based reality series debuts on VH1. It’s gonna be an iambic-pentameter-heavy spring. Trust!

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Diddy Thinks You’ve Got Bitchassness

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Diddy has added his touch to the English language with his new word, “bitchassness.” Say that a couple of times and it’ll roll off your tongue all nice and easy. Bitchassness apparently grew out of some less than appealing behavior displayed on the mogul’s Making the Band show, and while we’re not totes sure what it means, we’re obsessed (and think we probably have a case of it ourselves). We could simply just Google the word to try to figure out it’s exact Diddy-definition, but we thought it’d be more fun to poll some peeps and see what they come up with. Check out their answers below, and be sure to drop it into every sentence you say. Your mom will love it! [Hollyscoop]

Bitchassness \bitch-aahs-niss\, noun/verb/whatever you want it to be.

  1. Guess #1: having the nature of being a bitchass punk.
  2. Guess #2: an ass with a little bit of sass.
  3. Guess #3: acting exceedingly lame.
  4. Guess #4 (from huge fan of MTB who’s in the know): not pulling your weight and still acting like you’re hot shit.

New Tunes & Old Hits from George Michael

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It’s been a minute since we heard from Mr. Michael — but he’s back. Yesterday, we told you he’d be going on tour for the first time in fifteen years. Today, we’ve got George’s TwentyFive streaming a full week before it’s release. In addition to the hits, the double disc also has six brand new songs: “An Easier Affair,” “This Is Not Real Love,” “Heal The Pain” (duet with Sir Paul McCartney), “Understand,” and “As” (featuring Mary J. Blige).

In honor of George’s return, we’re rolling out a string of videos never before been available on VH1.com. You’ll see one each day this week. The first selection? “Amazing,” from 2004′s Patience.

The Who Is At The Center of Rock Honors

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From “The Kids Are Alright” to “Who Are You” the British invasion’s most manic outfit has always been one of rock’s cornerstones. Talk about characters: the brainiac songwriter with the flying arms, the sexy singer with the robust stage presence, the silent bassist with the keen chops, and the tornado drummer with the crazed lifestyle – the guys in the Who have a combined chemistry that’s given their every move a daunting impact. That’s why they’ve been chosen to be the centerpiece of VH1′s 2008 Rock Honors presentation. It’s the first time the show has celebrated a single artist at its annual bash. The presentation airs on VH1 and VH1 Classic on July 17. An array of other high-vis artists will help celebrate the foursome – Pete Townsend, Roger Daltrey, John Entwhistle, and Keith Moon – all night long. Yep, both Townsend and Daltrey will perform on the show.

Want to get a quick glimpse at the band’s storied career? Check out this footage from the Amazing Journey documentary. And sure, here are some cool pics as well.

Facebook Fiends, Dress Up Yr Pages

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If part of the social networking thingee is explaining yourself to people you don’t know, a good way to do it is through images. Into your dog? Break out the poodle pics. Into your honey? Fly a few intimate portraits around your page. Down with Mr. Bret Michaels? Grab our new bumper stickers from Facebook’s Rock of Love hub, and plaster ‘em around. That way it’ll become tres obvs that you know what’s what with Daisy, Destiney, Heather, Megan, and the rest of the ladies. And depending on which bumper sticker you choose, it’ll let others know your feelings about our always-horny bandana’d star, too. We’re assuming that many will be choosing the “Love In the Fast Lane” option.

Hey, Flav fans, don’t freak, we have fun bumper stickers full of Flavor, too.

Coco’s Loco for Ice-T’s Lovemaking

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Let’s be honest – we might claim we don’t want to know about what keeps Nicole “CoCo” Austin and Ice-T‘s marriage hot after all these years, but honestly, we’re fascinated. The couple was interviewed at CoCo’s 29th (!!!) b-day party in NYC, and here’s what she had to say about their surely rambunctious sex life. She said, “It’s the Stroke, baby. We have a certain Stroke he does and he surprises every now and then with a different Stroke.”

Of course he does. Ice followed her reveal up with this juicy tidbit: “Sex is 90 per cent mental. It happens in the brain, so she thinks my Stroke is special – but it’s the way I’ve got her head believing it’s something special.” Whatever it is, we’re intrigued and horrified at the same time. You can watch a video of the happy couple expanding on their stroke theory here. Or just check out our pics of CoCo below.

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The Hills Poem-cap – We’ll Always Have, Like, Paris

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The Hills began the second half of their third season last night, with the usual fanfare and slinky dresses. Since the bulk of the show involves blank stares and uneaten lunches, we’ve decided to honor the few moments of reality gold left in each ep with haiku recaps of the show. Because everything Lauren, Whitney, Audrina, and the Heid-monster do can totally be narrowed down to 5, 7 and 5 syllables.

It might totally help the mood to read our poem-caps with Heidi’s latest single “No More” playing in the background. Robots have never sounded so good! Novices may think this new jam is about Spencer (whose advice column just launched today), but we totally think the track is talking about her failed relationship with Lauren. She definitely made Heidi scared to open up!

Haiku #1
Oh my god, like wow.
Seriously, oh my god.
We’re in France, bitches!

Haiku #2
Who skis in make-up?
Spencer’s dream woman, obvi.
Go get her, tiger!

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