Ash & Jess’ Dad Wants A Date?

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joe_simpsonAfter reportedly setting up some of his daughters’ past dalliances, it looks like Joe Simpson is looking to find love himself. Which wouldn’t be an issue, if he weren’t already married. Apparently, at Perez Hilton‘s party last week, Joe was seen hanging out with some pals (including Ashlee’s ex Ryan Cabrera) without his wedding ring on, approaching several ladies. “He was flirting with one group of girls who either didn’t know who he was or didn’t care, and they just grabbed their drinks, laughed and walked away,” a source told Page Six.

Given Joe’s recent dip back into the dating pool, we thought we’d help him out with a little online profile. We’ve compiled some info for a listing on DadagerDate.com (which has yet to be created) that we think might come in handy.

Sign: Aquarius
Height: 6’2″
Hair: Clairol blonde
Piercings: right ear
Interests: Daughters (yours or mine), Jesus, tanning
Favorite bands: Fall Out Boy, Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson
Favorite sports team: Dallas Cowboys
Dislikes: Nick Lachey, producing films that go straight to video
Who I’m Looking For: Someone who likes to tan, who enjoys meddling in their children’s lives and making inappropriate comments

Tyra Banks: Stalked and Scared

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tyra-stalker.jpg

Dear Brady Green, age 27 of Dublin, Georgia,

Leave Tyra Banks alone. Seriously. Don’t come to New York City again trying to make contact with her, and definitely do not lurk at her studio with a duffel bag full of magazine clippings about the supermodel and notes about your previous stalking attempts. Just because you’re reportedly big and muscly, doesn’t mean you scare us – or Tyra! The police may have let you go this time, but if you come back to mess with our Top Model, you better believe we’ll be calling the cops – or taking you down with a citizen’s arrest! Stalking ain’t cool, Mr. Green, and just because Tyra’s studio supposedly has no security doesn’t mean we won’t be guarding our beloved chatterbox with all our might. Not that TB needs our help – when life deals her something scary, she just turns it into a photoshoot on America’s Next Top Model. Now THAT is fierce (unlike you).

Signed,

The Tyra Banks Stalker Patrol

Monday: Lauren Loves to Discuss Herself

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lc.jpgLauren Conrad Complains About her Rep
Poor LC admits that people don’t take her seriously, even though she spends SO much time on her clothing line. Think it’s her 4-year stint in reality TV that does it? [Us]

Paris Hilton Shows True Self to Africa
The heiress threw herself a big ol’ party in South Africa. Now that’s what we call charity work. [People]

Daddy Spears Lets Brit Beach It Up

Brit’s been on such good behavior, her dad let her spend the weekend at the beach! These stringent rules would’ve worked so much better had they been implemented when she was 16. [TMZ]

Spencer and Heidi Use Jesus for Publicity
Happy Easter, world! With love, the two biggest publicity hogs on earth. [DListed]

Corinne Bailey Rae’s Husband Dies Mysteriously
The British singer’s hubby passed away over the weekend from what police believe is an overdose. Our condolences. [People]