Monday: Sean and Jayden Safe with K-Fed

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federline-010708.jpgBounty Hunter Star Busted in the Nude
Dog’s bro and fellow bounty hunter Tim Chapman was arrested after cops found him naked in his truck getting busy with himself. Bad judgment must run in the family. [TMZ]

K-Fed Gets the Kids
Brit’s out and Kevin’s in as the sole custodian of their two kids. Phew – there’s still time for them not to get completely f*cked up. [TMZ]

Nicole Kidman: Knocked Up and Nervous
Nic’s dropped out of her latest film to maintain her health while pregnant – and to hide from the world without her botox. [NY Post]

Is Tom Cruise Scientology’s #2?
A new unauthorized biography alleges that Tom Cruise is Scientology’s second-in-command and that Katie was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard’s sperm. Um, duh? [NYDN]

Brangelina Pretends to be Normal in Missouri
Brad’s brood relaxed and hit up a local pizza place while visiting his family in Missouri and basked in the lack of attention they received from locals. Psst, Brange – they were ignoring your asses! [Us]

Box Sets 2007: Funky Sh!t & Tragedy Galore

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Miles Davis The Complete On The Corner Sessions

Some of the fun in roaming through retrospective box sets is finding unissued tracks that add to the music’s ongoing story. In the case of the famed trumpeter’s most experimental music, that track may be “Mr. Foster.” For 15 minutes Davis wrings blood from his horn, which is hooked-up to a wah-wah pedal and surfing a web of nasty funk pulses driven by drummer Al Foster, whose relentless churning earns itself some props in the song title. It’s snarling yet graceful, obnoxious yet entrancing. This set is the rock-jazz motherlode, the record that critics have been creaming over for the last few months. When Davis made this stuff, in a string of studio dates that stretched from ’72 – ’75, he was milking Sly and Family Stone, digging the drones of Indian music, and swimming in a sea of funk. Now-exalted, it was snubbed by the era’s jazz fans as being crazy-ass street shit. The naysayers were right: the jams are a jumble of rhythms, glowing with black pride and an acknowledging all things sensual. That’s why hip-hop heads get on board so quickly. Loaded with tension, they glorify the groove and stick it full of glowing abstractions. Put on one of these six CDs, press play, and a whole afternoon will disappear real quick.

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Blog Best-Of: Vivica’s Video

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vivica_blog_links.jpg- Vivica A. Fox‘s purported sex tape leaks. So when she denied it, was that b.s. coming out of her mouth, or was it a penis? [Crunk + Disorderly]

- Mariah Carey trolls St. Bart looking like a hooker. Or, are hookers trolling St. Bart looking like Mariah? The eternal debate rages on. [Dlisted]

- Jennifer Aniston‘s ass…wait, Jennifer Aniston has an ass? That’s even bigger news than that whole Britney thing. [CityRag]

- Both Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown fail to show up in court for their divorce hearing. Aw! They’re having as hard of a time dealing with their split as I am. [Bossip]

- A “midget rodeo” hits TV and it’s…not on VH1. The universe is collapsing. [Best Week Ever]

Britney’s Breakdown: Hair Intact, Mental State Long Gone

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We may not be hearing from Britney Spears for a few days – she’s reportedly going to be hospitalized and receiving some serious medical care for the next 72 hours. Here are some other tidbits surrounding Brit-Fest 2008 that have popped up since this morning:

  • The starlet apparently was hysterical when strapped down to the gurney. “They had to strap her down like a mental patient and she was going between laughing and hysterics,” a source said.
  • Britney may not have been on drugs at all – in fact a new report alleges that her blood tests cane back completely clean. Soberly insane seems kinda crazier than drugged up and insane, right?
  • Lynne Spears is distraught and has asked us all to pray. I am praying that I never read about Britney again. How about you?
  • Before she locked herself in the bathroom with Jayden, Britney told her court-appointed monitor that she wasn’t planning on giving her kids back to K-Fed. The monitor called the cops, saving the day.
  • Brit’s currently being held at Cedars-Sinail Medical Center on an “involuntary psychiatric hold, also known as a Section 5150,” which allows for people in need of “serious need of mental health treatment” to be held involuntarily for up to 72 hours. If it’s determined that she is in need of further treatment, the stay can be extended, against her will.

We hope Britney’s getting all the rest, care and Cheetos that she needs – maybe they can even ween her off her Frappucinos in between dealing with all that mental stuff. And now, back to praying.

Johnny Depp’s Worth His Weight in Stubs

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According to a recent survey, Johnny Depp was the No. 1 income-generator for movie theaters in 2007. That’s the second year in a row in the top spot for Depp, who starred in the third film in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise over the summer, and garnered himself a nomination for Best Actor at this Monday’s Critics’ Choice Awards. Also nominated were Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood), George Clooney (Michael Clayton), Ryan Gosling (Lars and the Real Girl), Emile Hirsch (Into the Wild) and Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises). Tune in to VH1 Monday night at 8 p.m. (EST) to catch the winners live at the 13th Annual Critics’ Choice Awards. From red carpet to post-show wrap-up, we’ve got you covered — whether Sweeney Todd takes home the award or not.

Connected: Make a Big Splash

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conn.jpgEveryone wants to make it to Amy‘s pool party – it’s the only way to celebrate New Year’s Eve. But in the last episode of our online saga, the gang can’t seem to arrange their plans. Everyone’s dialing up everyone else to make sure they’re on the same page. Amy needs Diego there by midnight, or else she “might have to start kissing the bartenders.” Emily and Jane decide whether they want to get dolled up in a rocker chick outfit, or a sexy cocktail dress. Quincy and Jane argue about the limo. David and Ruthie continue their nasty flirtations. 2008 starts with a wet and wild romp. No one will have a problem connecting this year.

Kim Kardashian Pimps Herself Out

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kim-kardashian-0104.jpgWe’re gonna go ahead and do exactly what Kim Kardashian wants us to do: give her more press. So let’s just get this over with:

Kim Kardashian is so amazing and intriguing!
We can’t believe she might be engaged to Reggie Bush!
We can’t believe anyone cares
!

Phew. That’s done. Kim is working really hard manipulating the press into thinking that she may or may not currently be engaged. A well-placed source (fingers crossed that it’s her sis) said, “Kim is trying to create attention in her life because nothing else is really going on with her. The whole debate over her engagement is buzz, and that’s what she wants. She’s not engaged, but her friends are telling all their celeb weekly contacts that she is.” It’s a good thing she doesn’t have a job so she can focus full time on squeezing some fame out of a sex tape and her famous ass.

We repeat: Any publicity given to Kim Kardashian is just buzz generated by her scheming ways! Er, including this post. [NYP]

Avril’s Show Stolen By Lil Jon

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Avril_LavignePoor little Avril Lavigne. Everything was going so well for her on New Year’s Eve. With her highlights newly hot-pinked and her husband on her arm, Avril attended Prive’s New Year’s bash, where crunkalicious rapper Lil Jon was DJing. With Avril booked to call the countdown, things were looking good for the self-proclaimed “motherf*cking princess.” Disaster struck when Lil Jon decided to do his own countdown, drowning out Avril and sending her into a tailspin. “I wanted to do the countdown!” Avril reportedly cried to hubby Deryck Whibley. Page Six reports that Avril finally dried her eyes when the club brought out the Dom Perignon.