Have mercy! Check out this clip of ER star John Stamos getting all sorts of wacky in a TV interview in Australia yesterday. He blamed his antics on being exhausted from jet lag, but the show’s host, Kerri-Ann Kennerley, called it out best: "It was a bit like he’d perhaps come from a hotel minibar." John! How rude!

Stamos was sent back to the States after he couldn’t cut out his embarrassing behavior, which included this strange statement in an interview the day prior, on his friendly relationship with the Olsens: "It was interesting the time they were going through some of their
issues, um, certainly Mary-Kate. I was getting
divorced, so, um, I think Ashley was kind of alone, and, um… at a
beach house, and she came down to stay with me… but, um, I think
they’re doing really well now…"

What the "H-E-Double hockey sticks" is he saying? In the end, John truly puts it best, when after discussing the death of Princess Diana, he exclaims, "Who else has died? My career after coming to Australia."

You got it dude!

[Shameless Full House references in this post: 5]

Now that Paris is out from behind the bars of her jail cell and back behind the bars of her gated mansion, the people who cared for her during her 23-day sentence are coming forward to spill a few beans. Sheriff Lee Baca testified yesterday about the whole house arrest mix-up and painted a pretty bleek picture of the heiress’ initial state. "Our doctors said we had no solution to Hilton’s medical problems.
None," said Baca, "As a
sheriff in this county, I’m not going to let any inmate die in this
jail." Say what? DIE? I thought she was just having some tiny jail cell panic attacks, or something.

The sheriff gave no details about Hilton’s illness, but did say that his department, "couldn’t fix whatever that medical problem was," and stressed that it was not going to improve.  Baca also apparently told the courtroom, “I think we all in this room know something about suicide.” Yikes. Was Paris really about to take her own life because she was so claustrophobic? Or did she just miss her precious Taco Bell? Perhaps something was actually, truly wrong?

Thankfully, the jailbird is singing to People Magazine this week. She describes herself as being curled up in the "fetal position" for her first nights in jail, hysterically crying. That’s not deathly, that’s hot!

Feast your eyes on the creepiest thing to come out of the Lynwood Jail – this bizarre self-portrait done by Paris herself. She had 23 days to improve her art skills and this is all we get?

Meanwhile, the media darling is already up to her old tricks, skipping sleeping in on her first day home to instead rise for a 9:30 AM appointment with DreamCatchers Hair Extensions. According to a company rep, Hilton will be getting, "Full length, 20 inches of extensions….blonde, of course." Of course. Hair first, charity work second, right P?

Thanks to TMZ, we have a copy of the heiress’ purchases at the prison canteen. I’m amazed she lost ten pounds, what with all that hearty soy sauce she was buying to snack on. Or maybe she mixed it with some Vaseline to make lipstick. 

Related Content
Play Our Paris in Prison Game!
Paris Hilton Pics
Paris Hilton Video Clips

Dina Lohan got chatty recently about her favorite child/bank account, telling the NY Daily News that Lindsay is "doing great" and has opted for "extended care" at the Promises Treatment Facility. Her longer stint  will help the starlet transition from life in rehab to life among the rich, famous and crazy (wait - isn’t that the same thing?). What Dina hasn’t realized is that the extension is also Lindsay’s genius plan to stay as far away from her nutty family. Yep, today a judge ordered LiLo’s parents into family therapy, so hopefully the entire clan can all get better – or fail miserably – together.

As for Lindsay’s 21st birthday – her mom reports that the whole family (er, minus that crazy convict dad, probably) will gather in California to help her blow out the candles, which will hopefully be the only blow done that night. The celebration will also be alcohol free – a first for the underaged starlet.

Check out some pics here of Lindsay taking in a movie (under supervision, natch) in LA this weekend.