Olsens Hook Up with Will Arnett?

by

MTV’s sketch comedy series Human Giant is so funny it will make your face slide off your head. No, they haven’t paid us to write that. The show returns tonight at 11 p.m. (EST). In the interim — the interminable, gray, existential interim — we’ve decided to whet your appetites with the above sex tape clip (NSFW). In the sketch, Aziz Ansari and Paul Scheer wear Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen masks to get into an exclusive club. Once inside, Will Arnett mistakes them for ladies and hits on them, hard. Then he sleeps with them in the most disgusting ways possible. This is white-lightning comedy, folks. If you can’t handle the funny, best not click above.

Rock & Roll Hall of Fame: Six High Points

by

iggymaddyjusty.jpg
The 23rd Annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony took place in New York last night. Here are some of the evening’s best moments. Check out videos from the Inductees.

1. Justin Timberlake Brings Sexy Back.

Mr. Love Sounds made the word “induct” seem like the nastiet verb of the evening. He inducted Madonna with all the cheek you’d expect from a global pop star, telling tales about Madge helping him with a flu bug by ordering that he drop his pants and take a B-12 shot in the ass as the pair collaborated on M’s upcoming Hard Candy. He also shot an arrow or two at his ex. “The world is full of Madonna wannabes. I might have even dated a couple.”

2. Madonna Cops to Her Inner Punk & Dancefloor Druggin’

During a heartfelt acceptance speech, the singer explained her early days, learning to play drums to Elvis Costello records in the basement of an abandoned Queens synagogue and dropping a tab of ecstasy the night she jammed her demo tape into the hands of a Sire records A&R man. She also acknowledged her first big media explosion, “rolling around on the floor of the MTV awards with my ass hanging out.” During the wham-bam performance of “Burning Up” and “Ray of Light” by the Stooges, she was seen rocking along in the front row of the audience.

Read more…

Tuesday: Lindsay’s Sketchy Pals Latch On

by

lindsaylohan.jpgGeorge Clooney’s Still Single
Don’t worry grandmas, the hunky actor isn’t engaged to his cocktail waitress girlfriend – yet. [Us]

Lindsay Lohan Hangs with Users
Insiders are worried that LiLo’s surrounding herself with a bunch of doped up hanger-ons. Like her mom? [PageSix]

Jessica Simpson: Sleeping in Barracks in Iraq
Jess wants the world to know that she’s roughing it in Iraq and is living just like the soldiers she’s visiting. Now pass her Louis Vuitton canteen! [People]

Madonna’s Drug Confessions
In her acceptance speech at the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, Madge dished the deets on some of the best druggie moments in her career. We hope Lola was listening. [Us]

K-Fed Ordered to Stop Mooching
Brit’s lawyers are trying to get the Fedster to pay for his $500,000 worth of lawyer fees, which Brit is currently covering. All good things must come to an end, Kev! [MSNBC]

DVD Debut: The Haircut That Launched 1,000 Awards

by

New DVDs are released every Tuesday, which leads us to the eternal question: What should you buy? C. Bottomley weighs in on every week’s must-haves and please-forgets.

nocountryforoldmen.jpg

No Country for Old Men
Josh Brolin makes the mistake of walking off with a bag of drug money. Javier Bardem, a force of evil with a cattle gun and a haircut last seen in Little Lord Fauntleroy, follows. Los Bros. Coen retain every twist and metaphysical “huh?” of Cormac McCarthy‘s Texas noir, right down to the mysterious finale. Both Brolin and the Oscar-winning Bardem are magnificent. The pageboy bob is even better.
Extras: No commentary, but a 30-minute making-of doc should keep the casual fan happy. The “Working with the Coens” featurette, though, is the usual cast ‘n’ crew circle jerk.
Rating: Buy!

Read more…

Kimora Lee Simmons: Rockin’ the Baby Fat?

by

kimoraleesimmons.jpgKimora Lee Simmons already has two adorable little girls with her ex-husband Russell Simmons, but the starlet is about to add another little one to her crew. The Baby Phat designer and her boyfriend, super-hot actor Djimon Hounsou (who’s been nominated twice for an Oscar for his work in Blood Diamond and In America) are allegedly expecting a child together. We’re not totally sure if Kimora and Russell are officially divorced (they separated in the spring of 2006) but the pair is certainly way over, though they continue to work together amicably (Russ has got himself a hot new piece of arm candy too) . So hats off to Kimora! Fabulousity is even easier to reach when you’re knocked up.

[Page Six]

Eliot Spitzer: The Gov and the Girls

by

spitzer.jpg

This just in: don’t use your cell phone if you’re going to communicate with a top-shelf brothel. New York’s Governor, Eliot Spitzer, has copped to disappointing the citizens of his state by associating with some pay-to-play hotties. The biz is called Bada-Bing Club The Emperors Club VIP. Fight crime, steer state, use hookers? When’s that resignation coming?

Paris Hilton Says It With Diamonds

by

parisringmain.jpg

Paris, Paris, Paris. We ALL know you’re dating Good Charlotte rocker Benji Madden. We’re well aware that he is the identical twin brother of Nicole Richie‘s BF and baby-daddy, Joel Madden. And yes, the whole world knows that this is quite possibly the creepiest love-quad ever, and that if you all marry each other the earth will likely implode. So do you really need to rock a massive ring decorated with your man’s initials spelled out in hundreds of tiny diamonds? I mean, really. Subtlety is a nice touch. You should try it some time.

[All images: Getty]

Madonna: Hard Candy Track Listing

by

madonna1.jpg
Journalists interviewing Madonna at tonight’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies will have some new specifics to play with. The titles to the tunes that populate Madge’s upcoming Hard Candy have been released. Some Prince lingo (“Give It 2 Me”) and a Fiddy cop (“Candy Shop”) are rounded out by a Sonny & Cher allusion (“Beat Goes On”). We’re still waiting to see what the artist, who’s always changing her look, does for cover art – stay tuned. And watch the entire RRHOF show on VH1 Classic this evening at 8:30 /7:30 c. Justin Timberlake will sing the praises of his pal, and the Stooges will salute her in song. Track listing after the jump.

Read more…