Britney’s Worst Year Ever: April

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

April 5One Day at a Time – Britney’s clearly well versed in all things toxic, bachelors included. So it wasn’t exactly surprising when news emerged that she had dabbled in rehab romance. Life & Style reported that Brit “fell hard” for bad-boy singer-songwriter Howie Day in rehab and that he’s the “best kisser ever!” Howie has a history of run-ins with the law, which means Brit was adding yet another wonderful influence to her arsenal. You know how she rolls. [MSNBC]

April 15Just Can’t Manage – Not a month after leaving the rehab manager Larry Rudolph had allegedly confined Britney to, she fired him. To hear the New York Post tell it, Brit used him as a scapegoat and blamed him for all of her then-recent woes, including introducing her to Paris Hilton. If that’s true, it’s actually probably the most lucid move she made all year. Days later, Britney’s father, Jamie, took the opportunity to publicly criticize his daughter. Said Daddy: “The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter’s statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him.” Adding more juice to the pot, Britney responded to her father: “I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It’s sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman’s love. I am concentrating on my work and my life right now.” It’s hard work keeping those tongues wagging, you know? [New York Post]

[Image credt: X17]

Smartest Model Forecast: Who’s The Winner?

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The America’s Most Smartest Model season finale is Sunday, December 16th at 10 p.m. (EST). Who’s going to take home the glory? Will it be Andre, the brash Soviet whose abrasive personality has rubbed so many the wrong way? Or will it be V.J., the charismatic American who frequently seems on the verge of cheating? Tell us what you think. There are no wrong answers — only weak contestants.

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K-Fed’s Lawyer Launches Britney Beatdown

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britney-1214.jpgLook out Brit! K-Fed’s legal mafia and their heads of sexy, graying helmet hair are coming after your ass, and they’re intent on bringing you down. Good ol’ Mark Vincent Kaplan is majorly ticked off that Brit was too fragile and “sick” to participate in his deposition, but magically healed when it came time to party and puff ciggs later that night. This is the fourth time Britney – who seems to think she’s above the law – has avoided her court-ordered deposition. Now MVK (Just like MKO!) is asking the Commissioner in the custody case to “bar Britney from asking for anything more than she already has under court order.” He can also ask that Brit pays his legal fees, but he hasn’t gone there yet. We bet he will though! Homeboy needs money to keep that hair groomed. [TMZ]

Superhead To Give You Record, Head

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superheadAs though it wasn’t news enough that Eddie Murphy is starting a record label, check out his roster of talent: Karrine “Superhead” Steffans. The self-proclaimed video vixen has already put out a book of her sexual exploits with the rap world’s biggest (and, um…not biggest) stars, and now she’s working on an album for Eddie’s Murphy Entertainment, due out in March. We can hardly contain our excitement! Here are a few tracks we hope made the cut:

1. Bobby Brown, I Love You But Get Off My Couch
2. I Went Down On Eddie Murphy And All I Got Was This Record Deal
3. My Boyfriend (The Guy From Family Matters)
4. Whitney, I Got Your Man
5. My Homie-Lover-Friend (f. Lil Wayne)
6. Your Blue Dress [For Monica Lewinsky]
7. The Hot Dog Song
8. It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself (I Know, I Know)

Our very own Irv Gotti had a little to say on the topic of Superhead and her favorite pastime. Check out the link to hear Mr. Gotti extolling the merits of fellatio [NSFW or children].

2007′s Craziest: Hoff’s Hamburger

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Some gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day.

Some may award Chris Crocker of Tay Zonday with the prize for Internet Video of the Year, but we think the most deserving person is David Hasselhoff‘s daughter Taylor. Hoff’s 16-year old was responsible for capturing her pops boozed up, lying on the floor and stuffing his face with a hamburger, urging him not “get alcohol.” Bravo! With stellar camera work, a heartbreaking tale and a D-List Hollywood star, it’s Oscar worthy for sure! After the vid made it’s way across the internet onto TV, Hasselhoff released a statement that said, “I am a recovering alcoholic…Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters, who were concerned for my well-being, there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game.”

Fortunately for us, the Hoff is back on his game, serving as a judge on America’s Got Talent and working on a remake of his hit 80′s show Knight Rider. And of course, being a awesome, open, drunk of a dad.

Friday: Full House Party

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olsens-1214.jpgOlsens Get Boozy with Saget & Stamos
The gang drank and ate together at a downtown hotel, but didn’t invite their other co-stars to tag along. How rude! [NYP]

Ryan Gosling Macks Heath’s Ex
Michelle Williams goes after another boring dude to make her dull life complete. [NYP]

Heidi Montag’s New Song Leaks, Sucks
Check out The Hills star’s new single. It makes Gimme More sound like the music of angels in heaven. [Us]

Britney’s New Video Drops
After watching her move awkwardly in the first 20 seconds of her video for Piece of Me, we wonder if Brit will ever truly dance again. [People]

Winehouse Wants a ‘White’ Christmas
Amy has promised to get her life together in 2008, but first she wants to hold a major blowout at her house. With a lot of blow. [The Sun]

Ice-T’s Got A Big Ole Joystick

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icet.jpg Lots of us have gaming fever. So it’s no surprise that Ice-T likes to get super focused on the screen and the strategy. In a chat with our game site, he recently said that being alone and riding the mouse are two of his favorite things.

“I’m a very solitary cat. If I have five guys over and we’re talking business, I’m like, ‘OK, time for y’all to leave.’ With games online, I can play with a lot of people without having them over my house to eat my sh*t. ”

What’s the O.G. playing these days? Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare, and Kane & Lynch: Dead Men. Says Ice: “As much trouble as I got in…all these guys do is try to shoot cops.” Told you: O.G.

Tila Tequila: Battle of the Sexes (The Fantasy Episode)

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Tila, sweetheart, night-blooming jasmine of our love, how disappointed we were that you extended your show’s run by another week. We knew that you were a master of suspense, a sensei in the art of the tease, a certified Ph.D in the prolonging of climax, but we were ill-prepared by how empty our lives would feel, not knowing whether or not you would choose Dani or Bobby to become your paramour for yet another seven days. And so, our hands clasped behind our heads, our breath deep, slow and somnolent, we lay in bed and fantasized about what you could possibly have in store for your firefighting sweetheart and your film-student pookie-kins. In short, this is our dream episode of A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila, one which will never air. But in our dreams, in the visions of you that spring so readily to the fore of our minds during the bewitching hours after-dark, we realized an essential truth about the nature of your contestants. Sometimes, the masculine is the feminine . . . and vice-versa. How bizarre.

Read more…

Britney’s Worst Year Ever: March

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You were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

March 5Anarchy in the R.C. – A little thing like rehab wasn’t going to stop the amazing stories about Britney from coming. In what might be the most deliciously ridiculous tale to be told about Britney this year (though, to be fair, that Chinese-twins adoption thing may take the cake), our anti-hero is said to have scrawled 666 on her head, screamed, “I am the Antichrist!” and then attempted to hang herself. Lucky for an Earth full of voyeurs, she was not successful. [Softpedia]

March 15Coke Addict – Even more highly unlikely, but-wouldn’t-that-be-awesome-if-it-were-true yarn emerged (can you tell how bored the press was during the 30 days Brit was away?): Star reported that Britney had a 24-can-a-day Coke habit. For the caffeine buzz that would give you, the 3,300 calories would be but a small price to pay, no? The other part of the rag’s story is that Britney was a raving diva in rehab. That part wasn’t so hard to believe. [Star]

March 21Free at Last! – Britney left rehab and leaped right back into our arms. Or maybe it just seemed that way. Her to-be-ex-manager Larry Rudolph issued a statement, claiming that Britney had “been released by the Promises Malibu Treatment Center after successfully completing their program.” As the remaining nine months of 2007 would teach us, “successfully” is a relative term. [People]

[Image source: X17]