Paris Grabs Another Guru

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Now that we’ve found out that Ms. Hilton‘s path to spiritual enlightenment was guided by a Pirates of the Caribbean actor with a MySpace page that contains the philosophical quote “Burbank Can Kiss My Ass,” the Parisian one needs another swami. It doesn’t take long to fulfill the items on your wish list in L.A., so after the jump you’ll find the party girl’s new go-to guy when it comes to matters of the soul. Hint: He’s previously done battle with Dr. Evil.

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New Snoop Sneak: Sexual Healing

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You know about Snoop‘s upcoming episode of VH1 Storytellers, right? It’s taping next week in Brooklyn and airs on March 31. It follows up cool performances we did with Jay-Z and Mary J, and it parallels the arrival of Ego Trippin’, the Doggfather’s latest, which hits the racks next Tuesday. If you want to get a jump on the deal, check the stream of “Make It Good,” a Trippin’ track that finds our hero offering some sex advice to any playa looking to woo a special girlie.

“If you hit it, then you gotta hit harder than any other brother – the Karma Sutra be the author. Be the man who made her never want to see another man. One shot to pop/better hit the spot.” Yep, Snoop’s gone loverman. “It was important to give the audience another side of me,” he has said. “It can’t be all gangsta all the time.” No it can’t. Remember how he got all ’70s porno on us in the sugar-shit sharp clip for “Sensual Seduction”? Sure you do.

Nicole’s Not Liking Her Big Breasts

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Hey Nicole. Sup? We heard today that you allegedly don’t like your brand-new, awesomely shaped mommy boobs and that it has ruined your outfit choices. You know, you can’t go bra-less, you can’t wear your beloved flowy, hippie shirts, blah blah blah. Must be a real hardship for you. Yet there’s one thing your breast eruption hasn’t ruined – your new hot (and healthy) body. Trust us – you look amazing/stunning/gorgeous/totally bangin’. We know it might be tempting to go back to those carefree days when your toothpick look was worshiped (by Lindsay Lohan and Mischa Barton, obvs) but you’re a mama now, and the only person you’ve got to look good for is that little girl who needs you as a role model. Oh, and us – the internet. We like to stare at you for hours on end. So keep them breasts, and while you’re at it, hold on to some of that pregnancy weight too. It’s radiant.

Biggie Biopic Actor Cast

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Way back in August, we told you about the Biggie Smalls biopic Notorious that Fox Searchlight was looking to cast. The film, all about the life and times of Christopher Wallace, held an open casting call in October, which hundreds of wanna-Bigs attended.

Now, The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that the role of Big will be played by Jamal Woolard, a widely unknown Brooklyn rapper who attended the open casting call. Apparently, Woolard (also known as Gravy) shares more with the deceased rapper than physical size. Woolard, a former drug dealer, has released a few rap albums, and according to Biggie’s mother, has the same “charming personality, warm spirit, wonderful sense of humor and beautiful smile” as Big. Derek Luke (Antwone Fisher) has been cast as Puffy, while Angela Bassett will play Big’s mom. Anthony Mackie (Half Nelson) will play Big’s rival Tupac.

Patrick Swayze’s Cancer Crisis

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patrick-swayze.jpgPatrick Swayze, the actor who wooed the ladies (and ticket sales) with his sexy hip-swaying in Dirty Dancing and sultry sculpture work in Ghost, has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The cancer is particularly deadly, with an “average life expectancy for a newly diagnosed patient is six to nine months, with only 4 percent of victims surviving more than five years.” An early report yesterday alleged that the star was on his deathbed with only weeks to live, however his doctor and rep have since clarified the state of his condition. “Patrick has a very limited amount of disease and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far,” Dr. Patrick George said. “All of the reports stating the time frame of his prognosis and his physical side effects are absolutely untrue. We are considerably more optimistic.”

His rep added that Swayze would also continue to work on his new A&E series The Beast, as well as other upcoming projects. His new film, Powder Blue, is set to be released this year and co-stars Jessica Biel and Forrest Whitaker. In the meantime, we’re sending lots of good thoughts Swayze’s way while he battles this disease.

The Return of New York!

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If you know New York, you know that a little thing like love couldn’t keep her away from reality TV for long. VH1′s own H.B.I.C. is branching out for New York Goes to Hollywood, a situation-based reality series to air later this year…and she may be flying solo again. The press release provides a few details:

New York is ready to tackle her other life dream: superstardom. Don’t get it wrong – New York is already a star but she wants to be on the A-list – as a legit actress.

In order to focus on her new mission, New York has to put her last conquest, Tailor Made, on the backburner as she tries to take on Tinsel Town. She’s moving out west to see if she can climb the Hollywood ladder. Question is, will she reach for the stars or fall flat on her face?

And that’s not all: Celebreality series starring Brooke Hogan, comedian Margaret Cho and 2 Live Crew mastermind Luther Campbell are also on the way. Press releases follow:

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Janet’s New Vid: Kylie Locked in a Club?

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BET premiered Janet Jackson‘s clip for “Rock With U.” The song has overtones of Australian club-queen Kylie Minogue, and the video’s set in a club (or sound stage, let’s be honest) that recalls a futuristic mental hospital/the well-designed drum ‘n’ bass nightspots of decades past. Janet herself is looking fairly fly, dressed in an outfit that looks a little like what might happen if Project Runway winner Christian Siriano did fetish wear. Would Christian collaborate with Janet? We suspect so, yes. Jackson is currently topping the charts with her provocative Discipline. To see other Janet videos — and watch her comment on them — check out our fresh Box Set.

Thursday: Avril’s Complicated Clothes

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avrillavigne.jpgAvril Lavigne Thinks She Can Design
The singer’s creating a line of rocker clothes for girls so you can dress just like her. Attitude problem not included. [Us]

Jamie Lynn Spears Back on TV
Brit’s pregnant teen sis will guest star on Ashton Kutcher’s new show Miss Guided. Not that Jamie-Lynn is or anything. [People]

We Got it All Wrong! Jen Aniston Dumped Brad, Okay?
We are we still talking about a break-up that happened years ago!? Brennifer is way over, even if it is cool to know that she dumped his maybe-cheatin’ ass. [DListed]

Britney and Her Dance Students: BFF!
Awwww. This pic of Britney and some of her little dance pupils is just too cute. [TMZ]

Rock of Love Fans Are Beautiful

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MySpace has nothing on FamousVH1Friends.com! The Rock of Love 2 site allows fans to connect with the show’s cast members, debate who’s rocking Bret’s world best — and, of course, upload their craziest, steamiest photos. Maybe we’re showing off, but VH1 has the sexiest users on the Internet. Click the thumbnail images below to see for yourself, and prepare to blush.

L-R: Juliette, Deepak and Dawn.

L-R: Ashley, Amanda and Michel.

L-R: Shannon, Melissa and Amanda.

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Fashion WTF: All Signs Point to Bad Taste

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Lindsay’s career may be “back on track,” but her fashion choices are as poor-planned as ever. At a recent event celebrating her current Paper magazine cover, Linds showed up decked out like a Wall Street trader on top, with a fugly skirt surely deemed by someone close to her as cutting edge. Perhaps it was created by her pal Jeremy Scott, the fashion designer who shot the cover, but we have no idea, as all our clothes are from last year’s sale rack at Old Navy. Yet while our garb may be shabby, our eye for bad fashion is not. LiLo’s ensemble is an ensembleghhhhh.

[All images: Getty]