Jessica Simpson Ruins Football

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Everything Jessica Simpson touches turns to darkness: her marriage, her career, her lips – and now, Tony Romo‘s football career. Jess watched the Dallas Cowboys quarterback go up against the Philadelphia Eagles from a luxury box yesterday, and her presence brought him a wee bit of bad luck. Though she cheered him on in a jersey with his number (with perfectly coiffed hair) next to her dad, Romo had the worst game of his career. Whoops! The last time Tony played almost as bad is when his former flame Carrie Underwood was in the stands. Sounds like he should listen to the fan who shouted, “Worry about the game, not your girlfriend,” after the game. [Video: IDLYITW]

Britney’s New Video: Want a “Piece”?

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How can a pop star live a normal life when the cameras are always in her face and her fans are so toxic? How much can one woman give before it’s time to shave her head and crumble right before the planet’s eyes? These were unanswerable questions until Britney Spears dropped her new video for “Piece of Me” a few hours ago. Have a peek, and you’ll find out why our girl is so tortured all the time. Leave her alone, damn it!

Pam: Divorcing Hubby After 2 Months!

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pamanderson.jpgHa ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sorry, but what did Pam Anderson expect? True love? She may be a pro at marrying screwed up dudes after a few days of courtship, but she stinks at making them last. Pam filed for divorce on Friday from husband Rick Solomon, citing irreconcilable differences. Er, like they barely knew each other, for starters. The pair married in Las Vegas on October 6th, during a break between the two magic shows Pam stars in each night. The fact that they squeezed in their marriage into a 90 minute window was surely a sign as to how they both felt about each other – didn’t their love deserve a night-long celebration? Guess not, seeing as their marriage barely lasted that long. The only thing we’re upset about is that we never got a sex tape out of this coupling. Oh well. Surely Pam’s next two second marriage will give us something good.

Update: Pam has called the divorce off! Apparently she lost it after they had a big fight. What a mature way to handle things!

Tyra Banks Talks Sh*t About Brit

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tyra121707.jpgThere are some things in this world that are just straight up fact. The world is round. The ocean is salty. Dogs bark. And Tyra Banks loves to talk. But did she really throwdown some smack about her fellow wig-lover Britney Spears? Last week spies reported that they overheard the Top Model maven saying, “[Britney] should just go ahead and kill herself after the album and go out like Marilyn, very grand. She should have done it after the last album.”

Sure, T likes to talk big, but would she really encourage Brit to take her own life (and what was so grand about Marilyn’s sad, lonely drug overdose anyway?)? We think she’d be more inclined to give her Twiggy’s vacated spot judging which girls are loved by the camera. Of course she’s released a statement that says, “Britney is a friend and we correspond with each other. These alleged statements are completely false.” Wouldn’t we love to see that correspondence – the word ‘girlfriend’ is surely used like, 100 times a day in the emails they must send to each other. The Tyra snitches aren’t havin’ her statement, and one called it “Lies, lies, lies.” So what do you think? Did Tyra really encourage BritBrit to do something fierce and end her own life?

A Simpson Family Christmas: Now With 100% More Guyliner

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simpson_familyA few weeks ago, we reported that Pete Wentz was banned from the Simpson family Christmas, due to an interview wherein he stated he sometimes “wishes he were gay.” Not so, said Pete, in an email to MTV. “[Ashlee's father Joe] even called me to let me know he expects me to show up for Xmas. So there’s no truth to that,” the guy-lined bassist said.

So just how will this Christmas play out? The Video Hits 1 Players decided to create a dramatization of the scene, complete with Papa Joe, Jessica, the Black Widow of Men and Movies alike, her quarterback boyfriend Tony Romo, and Ashlee and Pete.

Joe: Ashlee, honey, no. We’re not going back to a size six. Put the fork down.

Pete: So, Tony…I’ve often thought about playing football. Guys rolling around with other guys in tights — sounds like my kind of thing.

Tony: I don’t know. You kind of….wear eyeliner.

Joe: Ashlee, baby, push the plate away. I know you agree with a lot of what Tyra says, but that doesn’t mean you have to be able to share clothes.

Jessica: [Open-mouthed, staring off into space.]

Tony: So, Pete, Drop In Man. I’m a big fan of the band. I think it’s great how you and Ashlee have been able to keep it together for so long in the face of all the pressure. [whispers] Particularly Joe. Does he stay in the same room with you when you and Ash share a bed?

Pete: Yeah. You’ll get used to it. It’s the blinking light from the camcorder that keeps me from sleeping.

Ashley Tisdale Ruins her Face for Fame

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In a desperate attempt to look less like a human and more like all the other plastic robots wandering Los Angeles, High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale has gone and gotten herself a nose job! She used the old “deviated septum” excuse, but if you check out the before and after pics above you can see the obvious changes her nose has gone through. Before, she looked normal and interesting. After, she looks fake and puckered. Success!

But two former stars who have also been sliced up – Tara Reid and Michael Jackson – have recently been photographed looked more frightening than famous. Tara’s new scary skinny bod is one hundred percent freakish and zero percent sexy; while Michael just looks totally butchered (and covered in band aids!). So let this be a warning to the Tis – you’re just a couple slices away from looking really effed up. [People]

The Dark Knight Returns

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Guess who’s back? Back again? The Joker’s back. Tell a friend. Or something. In the new trailer for 2008′s The Dark Knight, we’re treated to a visual smorgasbord of a bleakly apocalyptic Gotham City (which, for those of us who live in New York City, is pretty much every day). Following the events of the last film, the Batman and Lieutenant Gordon decide to rid the city of the remaining vestiges of its criminal underworld. Unfortunately, they’re blocked in that attempt by the Joker, who looks twice as scary as Jack Nicholson ever did. We’re counting the days until July 18.

Britney’s Worst Year Ever: May

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britney_may07.jpgYou were there through the bad driving, the head-shaving, and the Criss Angel thing. It’s been a tough year for our girl. No one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that she’d create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Come back every day: We’re counting down the events that made up the Year in Britney.

May 3Don’t Call it a Comeback – Britney took to the stage in a wig, fur coat, short skirt and trashy boots for her first performance since her divorce and rehab stint. Though she spent a few minutes on stage singing and writhing around, her House of Blues shows looked more like her meltdowns than a performance – with a little choreography sprinkled on top. [People]

May 16The Message – The singer became a scribe when she took to her website to post an ultra-personal message to her fans. Thanking them for their prayers, she waxed poetic about their support during her “trying time.” Little did they know her situation – and her writing – were only gonna get a lot worse. [I'mNotObsessed]

May 18The Weave Debuts! – It’s a rug! It’s dead roadkill! It’s BRITNEY’S WEAVE! Finally, after months of wig-wearing, Britney was able to pay someone enough money to bind pounds of fake hair to the buzz cut she had grown out on her noggin. But her nasty new hair soon became the butt of every blogger’s joke, and TMZ even called her hair-tastrophy one of the great man-made wonders of the world. We like to think of it as more of an unnatural disaster. [DListed]

May 29I Was So Lost – The starlet capped off the spring with another post to her website, but this time her rambling took on a depressing, helpless tone. In the lengthy post Britney addressed her trip to rehab, her manager, divorce and how she had “cut so many people” out of her life. She went from acknowledging her issues : “I truly hit rock bottom,” to sounding surprisingly human: “I just want the same things in life that you want…and that is to be happy.” But in the end, she only solidified her reputation as a train wreck. [MTV News, Evil Beet]

2007′s Craziest: Rosie Runs Off The View

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Some gossip stories are too big to forget. We’re counting down the 20 biggest, baddest, and most ridiculous celeb scandals of the year. You’ll get a new one posted every day.

On May 23rd, after a heated battle with her conservative co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Rosie O’Donnell announced that she’d no longer be appearing on the hit daytime show, even though she had just a few weeks left of her contract. Her departure left us missing all the wonderfully crazy moments she brought to the show, from the Bush bashing to the dancing to the confetti drops. Our ears rang out in pain, longing for the hour of Rosie shrieks we had come to know and love. In honor of that glorious year that all came down in one brutal split-screen battle, we bring you the moment that sealed the deal for Ro, the real queen of daytime. Sorry Babwa.

Monday: Britney’s Disappearing Belly

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britneyspears-1217.jpgBritney: Digitally Slimmed Down in Vid
Side by side pics reveal that Britney might not be as skinny as she seems in her Piece of Me video. Duh. [EOnline]

Lindsay Lohan Pimps Herself to Tabloids

Who wants to buy staged pictures for $30,000 of Lindsay recording her new album? Nobody, thank god. [NYDN]

Is Jennifer Love Hewitt Knocked Up?
The outspoken actress is rumored to have a baby on the way. [DListed]

Jessica Simpson is a Major Movie Flop
Her horrible looking movie is going straight to video – so it can go unrented for ten years before it becomes a cult hit. [MSNBC]

Amy Winehouse: Jail Cell Bound?

Wino might have been more involved in her hubby’s bribery plot (that has landed him in jail) than cops originally thought. Turns out love is definitely a losing game. [DListed]