Paris Hilton Banned From Oscars

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paris_oscar_150×225.jpg That’s right: According to DListed, America’s poor little rich girl isn’t going to the Academy Awards on Sunday because she’s not allowed. Sources report: “She cried hot, salty tears when she was banned from the Oscars. She’s desperate to be taken seriously as an actress and hoped she would be able to network with film executives.” Given Hilton’s track record at the box office, we’re amazed at her chutzpah.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane, shall we? Let’s start with 2002′s Nine Lives, a thriller about a group of friends stranded in a Scottish mansion who awaken an ancient spirit . . . and wind up dying one by one. In that straight-to-DVD number, Paris played Paris. She was killed first, if memory serves, which was a blessing — her non-acting was too much to take. Then there was 2005′s House of Wax, another slasher, in which Paris also died, this time impaled through the forehead by a steel pole. While almost certainly a better film than Nine Lives, House of Wax was still so terrible that it earned a rating of 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. Impressive. And, most recently, there was The Hottie and the Nottie, a film that was so excruciatingly bad it only made $28,000 on its opening weekend. (Besides the Hilton family and the fanatics at Best Week Ever, who else went? ‘Fess up!)

When will Paris figure out that a career in film isn’t meant for her? To be fair, there are others in the same boat: Madonna, for instance, someone who actually is an entertainer, still thinks she can be an actress. Those of us who suffered through Swept Away would like to inform her otherwise. Perhaps Paris is bristling at her hostile reception by Hollywood’s power players? We can’t possibly imagine what she’s done that would make anyone think ill of her. Oh, wait. We forgot about the DUI, the jail drama, the sex tape, the shameless apology, the crocodile tears, the fragrance, The Simple Life and Nicole Richie. Maybe that’s what the Oscars are balking at — for some reason the Academy Awards still want to be taken seriously. Imagine that.

Mary J.’s Gonna Tell You A Story

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A few weeks back, Mary J. Blige came in and filmed her very own Storytellers, playing the hits from What’s the 411? on up to her latest Growing Pains. The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul shared the stories behind all the songs, and on Monday, February 25th at 8 p.m., VH1 is airing the show. Check back on Friday when we’ll have a few sneak cuts of songs that didn’t make the show.

Gene Simmons Takes Sex Tapes to New Low

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The world of celebrity boning caught on tape has just hit rock bottom. Gene Simmons – the 58-year old KISS frontman – has made a sex tape, and it’s not with Shannon Tweed, his partner of 20+ years. The lady in question is one of the spokesmodels for Frank’s Energy Drink, which Gene also promotes. We can’t say we’re surprised by any of it (after all the old rumor is that Gene’s bedded over 1000 ladies in his lifetime), but we’re certainly a little nauseuas from looking at the pics available online. It’s not that Gene’s too old for sexing up the ladies, it’s just that he’s kinda gross, but thankfully he keeps his t-shirt on the entire time. As for Elsa, she’s obviously one classy lady – she rocked her platform flip flops during their romp.

If you can handle it, the tape is available over at GenesSecret.com (NSFW, obvs). Too bad it’s not that much of a secret anymore! Fans of Gene’s tongue may also be disappointed – from what we could see his legendary appendage didn’t make a cameo in the video’s preview.

Wednesday: Nicole’s Skinny Secret

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nicolerichie.jpgNo One Bought Xtina’s Baby Pix
People mag paid big bucks for the singer’s baby pics, but no one’s buying the issue. Blame Shiloh! [NY Post]

Nicole Richie, Spanx Addict
The super skinny new mom isn’t dieting, she’s keeping her waist under control with two pair of Spanx. Whatever works! [Ok!]

Poor Paris Banned from Oscars
The “actress” was hoping to be taken seriously enough to attend the posh awards ceremony, but b*tch has been blacklisted. Finally, a decision from the Academy that we agree with. [DListed]

Eva and Lindsay Piss Off PETA
The starlets top the activists’ worst-dressed list due to their love of dead-animal fashion. [Us]

Britney Still Baby-less For Now
Even though her weave’s on the mend and she’s been banned from driving, the judge in her custody case denied the pop star visitation with her kids. Well, there’s always the pet store. [DListed]

Scott Baio Is 46…and Pregnant: Baby Pictures!

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Bailey Baio is finally here! On this week’s hour-long episode of Scott Baio Is 46…and Pregnant, Scott’s wife Renee gave birth to their first daughter together and it was, in Scott’s words a “wonderful, beautiful and slimy experience.” Instead of giving you full video of the endeavor, the show provided stills capturing the birth. Tasteful! We’re posting them below, so that you can relive the joy of life as played out on reality TV. Just a word of warning: if bloody newborns aren’t your thing, you might not want to look.

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Scott Baio Is 46…and Pregnant show page

Gossip Break: Pink’s Marriage Stinks

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pink.jpg- Pink and that dude she married are getting a divorce. We’d feel a little bit sadder if we were actually surprised by this. [Us]

- No one wants to see The Hottie and the Nottie except Paris Hilton. Finally, our generation does something smart! [DListed]

- Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore look better when made of wax. These statues probably act better, too. [Just Jared]

The Jolie-Pitts go skiing in Mammoth; Jennifer Aniston auditions a new sperm donor. [PopSugar, FoxNews]

- Bindi Irwin has been turned into a doll. What do you think – terrifying or totally adorable? [Jezebel]

- Ohhhh – check out these celebrity mansions. Who knew Alyssa Milano could afford such things? [Cityrag]

Sara Bareilles & the Tour Bus From Hell

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The incredibly talented Sara Bareilles is out on the road with James Blunt on the You Oughta Know Tour. We asked the piano-playing phenom to give us updates from the road, and given that she’s such a sweetheart, she obliged. In her first installment, Sara tells us what she did on Valentine’s Day, and why having a tour bus might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

I’m sitting in the front lounge of our beautiful new bus, and it’s Valentine’s night. I wish I was out celebrating with friends but I’m nursing a cold instead of a beer. Needless to say, I’m so excited to be a part of this VH1 You Oughta Know Tour. The shows have all been sold out so far, and I know that both James Blunt and I have been thrilled with the whole experience. We are getting to play INCREDIBLE venues and there are so many wonderful listeners coming out to support. But since it’s more fun to hear the sordid details than how perfect everything is…

Read more…

Britney About To Be a Mom Again

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britney-babies.jpgRun Sean Preston, run! Apparently K-Fed couldn’t handle the full-time dad duties he got stuck with, and is in court right now trying to get Britney back her visitation rights. Mama B hasn’t seen her kids in almost two months, but lawyers from both sides of the Spederline custody battle are attempting a way to figure out how to make it happen. The only problem? K-Fed wants Britney’s parents to be around when the boys visit, while her people want visitations to happen in a “therapeutic setting.” They’ve allegedly been trying to get the troubled singer into a medical center where she can receive treatment for her bipolar disorder, but as the whole world knows, that ain’t currently happening.

Brit’s got a new lawyer on the case, and – other than a recent vag flash over the weekend – seems to be making a wee bit of progress on the crazy front. So what do you think – is she ready to hold her babies? [TMZ]

You Name It: Paris’ Birthday Suit?

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Lots of photos simply beg for a narrative. Whether it’s nasty or silly is up to you — we want you to feel free to read the minds of the celebs and weirdos in our images. Write your caption for the below photo in our comments section. Extra points for creativity! This time: Paris goes the bondage/dominatrix route at her Vegas birthday party. (Wasn’t it just a couple months ago she told Larry King she was going to be a good girl and help others? Hmmm…)

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