5 Singers, 10 Songs, One Crazy-Ass Judge

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Welcome to Neil Diamond week (can you tell he’s got a new disc coming out soon?). With Carly gone and only a handful of hopefuls to humiliate, our producers doubled the degradation by having the kids perform two tunes. The evening was frenzied, and its effect on the judges palpable. Simon complained that things felt strange. Paula flubbed her way into the future. Randy stayed chill, but you know, that’s how he rolls. Check it:

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Benji Madden Steals Paris from Friends

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parisbenji.jpgI was just sitting here minding my business, when I noticed this little tidbit coming across the web about Paris Hilton and her twin boy toy Benji Madden. The Good Charlotte guitarist has written his lover of two months her own song, titled, “Shine Your Light.” Paris says, “It’s this really beautiful love song about me. It was the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me….He’s my best friend.”

BEST FRIEND? I thought that was the position I’d be competing for on her reality show! W.T.F. Just to show my devotion to the heiress, I’ve written her an even better song. It’s called “Dump Your Boyfriend and Let’s Hang and Do Shots.” Here’s a sample lyric:

Seriously Paris, forget that dude
He’ll never appreciate your attitude
Let’s share clothes, here’s my dress from 1993
aren’t you glad you’re BFF with me!

Check out my blog and vote for me to be Paris Hilton’s best friend!

Rev. Wright: Shut Up and Play Our Game

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The Rev. Jeremiah Wright is speaking out to protect his reputation after being distanced by Barack Obama for making incendiary remarks on the pulpit. The pastor’s most “out there” statement is probably that the U.S. government manufactured the AIDS virus to commit genocide on people of color. If he truly cares about African-Americans, then he should get off of his soap box and give Barack Obama a shot at becoming the first black president of the United States. We invite Jeremiah to play Pos or Not, a new game designed to provide information about how to prevent the spread of AIDS and confront stereotypes about who is affected. We could all use some education.

Mariah & Nick – The Rumors are True!?

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Take this with a 17 carat grain of salt, but the NY Post is reporting that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are indeed engaged to be married. The ring, allegedly purchased by Nick, cost her man $2.5 million and was purchased at Jacob the jeweler. The massive rock is 17 carats and has a 10 carat stone surrounded by pink and purple diamonds (obviously – this is Mariah “Butterfly” Carey we’re talking about). No one even knew these two were together a month ago – including the happy couple. Maybe that means this marriage is meant to last? [NYPost]

Paula Abdul Has NO Idea What’s Going On

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Poor Paula. We told you she’s a little nutso. She got a bit confused giving notes on last night’s Idol and critiqued Jason Castro on two songs, even though he had only sung one. Awkward! Did Paula just have a little brain fart, or did she accidentally read notes that some had given her a little early? Either way, it’s a classically crazy Paula moment that you’ll want to watch over and over again.

Gossip Break: Brit Almost Bares B-Day Suit

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britbrit.jpgWino screamed at the paparazzi outside her house in an attempt to dispel the rumors that she’s cheating on Blake Incarcerated. [DListed]

Ummm, here are pics of Britney walking around a Bally’s gym in a towel. Maybe her dad’s not helping at all? [Seriously?OMG]

Roger Clemens and country singer Mindy McCready allegedly had a 10-year long affair that started when she was 15! Yee-haw? [NYDN]

OMG, Faith Evans‘ and The Notorious B.I.G‘s son Christopher looks so much like his big poppa. Adorable. [Concrete Loop]

Mario Lopez was dumped by his dancing girlfriend – think it’s karma for him cheating on his first wife? [I'm Not Obsessed]

Is Mimi’s Ring a Gift From Nick Cannon?

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Sooooooo that rock can’t really be from Nick Cannonor could it? Nick himself didn’t deny the claim, and got a bit awkward when asked about the bling buzz yesterday. “I can’t even know what to say,” Nick stammered to MTV News. “She’s probably the most festive, remarkable person I’ve ever met.”

That’s not a denial! We were a bit skeptical about Nick possibly giving Mimi a giant rock, so we decided to examine the engagement ring he gave to his ex-fiancee Selita Ebanks after proposing in Times Square. We made quite a discovery! The rings are not only both huge, they look remarkably alike. If Mariah’s ring is from Nick, it’s obvious what kind of rocks he likes to buy his ladies!

The Hills Poem-cap: Just How Loyal Are You?

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Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episodes with a series of haiku poems about the shows. Short skirts, shorter poems – Audrina approved! Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below, after you glance at the glorious girl party on the cover of the latest issue of Rolling Stone. Think they hated having to be in the same room?

Haiku #1
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Oh Stephanie Pratt
We’d be so loyal to you
If not for your bangs.

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