She Is Rocky, Hear Her Roar

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Straight-up: I Know My Kid’s a Star breakout Rocky gave this blog one of the best interviews it has ever heard. It was so good that the written word could not do it justice. You simply have to hear Rocky to believe her.

So, we’ve extracted the best 10 minutes of our hour-plus chat with Rocky, split them into two parts and added a slide show to go along with the discussion. Among the topics covered are: her daughter Hayley (of course), her breakdown in the closet, the hair-weave accusations, visible tampon strings, Miley Cyrus’ stripper tendencies, her b-movie career as Melissa Brasselle and her new single, “Who’s the Bitch Now?” Wait until you hear what it’s about.

(On that note, a word of warning: the language in these interviews, particularly in the second part, could be considered NSFW.)

Keep up with Rocky via her MySpace.

Caterpillar Cocoons on Mary-Kate’s Head

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- Mary-Kate Olsen on the red carpet last night in NYC. Notice how the giant caterpillar draped around her head compliments the dress she stole earlier in the day from Aretha Franklin‘s closet. Yep, being rich means ya just don’t give a f*ck! [Getty]

Katie Holmes Plans Escape from Tommy

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Katie Holmes is allegedly sick of her couch-jumping hubby, and is trying to take their toddle Suri and escape to the Big Apple. A source (clearly the Sur-meister) reveals that Tom’s claws are firmly in Katie’s skin, and he’s not letting her go anytime soon. “She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” spills the spy. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”

So what is a trapped wife to do to escape the wrath of her obsessed husband?

1. Train with Top Model’s Benny Ninja on how to dance one’s way through Tom’s elaborate laser security system.

2. Dig a tunnel from Chez Cruise to Victoria Beckham‘s palace. Grab prepared lunch of soy beans from Posh and escape through her backyard.

3. Hideout with parents in Ohio for a few weeks. Tom will never think to look for his wife there – even with his giant Scientology-provided space satellite.

4. Arrive in New York via moped with Suri in a sidecar. Buy out the entire Plaza Hotel with all that Dawson’s Creek money and re-start career on Broadway! Guest star on Gossip Girl as an evil alum back to recruit new blood. Wear sweat pants. The new Katie is born (again!). [Star]

Tila Tequila’s New Contestants Are Butt-Ugly Bimbos and Sacks of Testosterone

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Dear Tila,
We begged and pleaded you to leave MTV last season and join us here at VH1. You declined. Not to be petty, but our reality star, New York, found true love on our dating show while you found nothing. This is not your fault. There’s no way you could have found even a friend among the violent drama queens, psychopaths, sex maniacs and potential sex offenders that you were subjected to. Needless to say, we’re disappointed that you’ve renewed your show, which premieres April 22, for a second season with MTV. Tila, baby, you’re making the same mistake twice. Judging by this preview clip, we’re bracing for a total freaking disaster:

First, what’s up with this “challenge?” Were these butt-ugly bimbos and sacks of testosterone contained in a cage because they have chicken brains? Did they start to peck and scratch each other? For your next challenge, why not just take them to a dog park and allow them to roll around in the mud and hump?

Tila, we’re sorry to be so negative. You know that we will always adore you. We will never tire of your dimples, your laugh, your contagious energy. You’re like a girlfriend that gets away with way too much because you’re irresistibly cute and hot. We hope that MTV treats you better this season. If not, our offer still stands for A Shot at Love With Tila Tequila 3. Because, as we all know, there’s no way in hell you’re finding love with these freaks.

P.S. Here’s an homage to your hotness:

Akon’s Shady Past is a Load of Krap

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akon.jpgYou know how Akon toiled in a Georgia jail for four years for his illegal work as the head of a car-heist ring? His tales of thievin’ and fighting behind bars after facing up to 75 years for a felony charge are a common theme in his songs and interviews, but it turns out it never really happened! The Smoking Gun did a whole lotta research on the Kon’s shady past, and while the rapper does have a lengthy rap sheet, the only felony he ever received was for a gun possession charge, for which he got just three months probation. In fact, the longest Akon’s ever spent in jail was just a few months, after he was busted for stealing a BMW. His rep as a “ringleader of a notorious car theft operation” – which he loves to boast about – is a total sham, presumably created by the rapper to appear tough to his millions of fans. Turns out that after all his bogus tales of life as a notorious felon, this might be his biggest con job of all. [Smoking Gun]

New Pics: Snoop Hits the Soap

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Everyone know that Snoop Dogg is a fan of night-time dramas. But he digs himself some daytime dramas, too. He’s been written into the script of One Life To Live, and his appearances are scheduled for May 8 & 9. Plus, he’s going to do a remix of the show’s theme song to celebrated his on-screen action. His cameo includes doing a gig at the show’s Ultra Violet club, where he runs into an old pal. You know he did a gig for us, too, right? Watch the best parts here.

More pics from the show after the jump:

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Rock of Love 2 Reunion Preview

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You already know that on Sunday’s Rock of Love 2 Reunion (airing at 9/8c), Daisy gets into it with Heather in a big way. But you probably don’t know that Angelique has a little tiff of her own. We’re not saying with whom and we’re not saying how deep it gets, but to give you a sense of the hilarity, we can reveal that at one point she screams, “Kiss my perfect, Barbie ass!”

A few more details from the wild taping follow:

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Super Mario Wine Bottle Brothers

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Gamers don’t always have that joystick in their hands. Sometimes it’s a corkscrew, and other times it’s a remote control for the most musical car on the planet (or at least in an empty parking garage). Let’s see the Wii do this!