5 Reasons the Madonna-A-Rod Sex Tape Is A Load Of Crap

by

Think you’re gonna get to munch on some popcorn and watch Madonna get nailed by A-rod (and A’s rod)? Think again. The rumored Madonna-Alex Rodriguez sex tape is bogus; allow us to break down why.

1. Madonna’s already boned on camera – or simulated it to some extent – numerous times since 1984. She’s not gonna go and do that again.

2. But if she were, she’d do it in the Kaballah Center, dudes. What’s kinky about doing the nasty the regular way on some guy’s couch?

3. There’s no way A-Rod would do it with someone who has better arm muscles than he does.

4. The tape reportedly shows the pair going for some oral action – supposedly with Madge doing the dirty work. Um, yeah right. I think we all knows who wears the pants in that “friendship,” and who would be the one taking them off.

5. Madonna is reportedly in the middle of a serious meltdown, threatening to walk out on her planned tour. She’s also been diagnosed as anemic and is suffering from a knee energy. She’s not knocking boots in her frail condition!

[X17/The Sun]

Rick Ross’ Celebrity Wheels

by

Rap star Rick Ross likes to tool around town with a “Dirty White Thing” called Lindsay Lohan.

Rick tells Rap-Up , “I got my [white] Beemer, and that’s Lindsay Lohan. That’s what I use to do my dirty business. That’s my dirty white thing, you know?”

Rick has a fleet of cars named after celebrities including Oprah Winfrey and Rihanna.

What’s the luxurious flashy vehicle with curtained windows used on the cover of his album “Trilla?” Perhaps Rick dubbed this one the Donald Trump. The convertible Bentley that always has the top off this summer? Probably Rick’s Sienna Miller. And that Caddy with ample trunk space? That’s Rick’s Kim Kardashian.

Omarosa And Wendy Williams: Battle Of The Bitches

by

Omarosa appeared on Wendy Williams‘ talk show, and the two got locked in a heated competition over who could be the bigger bitch. While Wendy tried to take the high road (but then you know, called Omarosa “a typical angry black woman” ), O really went for it, and we think she won this bitch battle. Listen to her sweetly ask Wendy if she’s had a nose job – her manners are the meanest part about her! Wendy of course later said that, “Omarosa is a delusional, D-list, pathetic woman.” [AP]

Whatever gets you publicity for your show Wendy!

Wardrobe Malfunctions Don’t Come Cheap

by

Lucky for Janet Jackson, a federal appeals court threw out her $550,000 indecency fine against CBS for her Super Bowl 2004 “wardrobe malfunction” on Monday.

The Daily News reports that the three-judge panel of the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the Federal Communications Commission “acted arbitrarily and capriciously” in issuing the fine for the fleeting image of nudity.

Ninety million people were watching the Super Bowl halftime show when Justin Timberlake reached for Janet’s chest and her bejeweled nipple was exposed. Janet issued an apology and JT stated that Nipplegate was simplythe result of a“wardrobe malfunction.”

The court found that the FCC fine for the “broadcast of a nine-sixteenths of one second glimpse of a bare female breast” deviated from its nearly 30-year practice of fining broadcast indecency only when it was extremely “pervasive.”

$550,000 for nine-sixteenths of one second! Sienna Miller better watch out; girl is gonna be broke if she keeps parading her boobs around.

Tori Spelling To Profit From Kids With Second Book

by

Some of you might think Tori Spelling is just a mediocre reality television star and a washed-up actress, but you’re wrong. Tori, you see, is a lot more than a spoiled rich kid and a homewrecker — she’s a mom. After the “amazing cathartic journey” of her first book sTori Telling, Spelling’s donning her literary cap again and writing a tell-all on motherhood, which the 35-year-old should know oodles about, seeing as she’s only a year into the process, with a 1-year-old and a newborn.

The book, tentatively titled Mommywood, is sure to lift the lid on how tough it is to be a semi-celebrity with plenty of money and help raising your kids in the most debased environment ever. Here are just a few of the chapter subjects we hope we see:

* 10-Month-Old Breadwinners: How To Get That Little Mouth Working For You

* Baby’s Second Reality Television Show: How Young Is Too Young?

* It’s Okay If The Father Of Your Children Is Also The Father Of Someone Else’s Children

* Mommy’s Happy Accident: How to Spin Your Accidental Pregnancy Into A Magazine Headline

Christian Bale Arrested For Assaulting Mom

by

The Dark Knight just got darker. Batman star Christian Bale was arrested today, after his mother and sister accused him of assaulting them Sunday night. The battle alleged went down in his suite at the Dorchester Hotel, and while cops knew of the charges over the weekend, they chose to arrest him after the London premiere (seen looking like a pissed off family beater at the premiere in the pic above). A source defended that decision, saying, “It was a very difficult situation but it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth.”

Or it would have made the premiere f*cking awesome, guys. Learn how to ruin celebrities for the greater good! It’s not like the movie is hurting for cash, but any publicity helps, right? [The Sun]

Heidi Wants To ‘Entertain’ Our Troops

by

Things are not getting any better for our men and women serving in Iraq – they’re about to be invaded by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The pair are heading to Iraq to ‘entertain’ the troops, and are arranging the trip through Senator John McCain’s daughter Meghan. “My brother was an airborne ranger in Afghanistan and Iraq,” Heidi gushed. “It’s very important to me and important to Spencer to support the troops and go over there.”

We respect their desire to help our brave men and women in uniform, we just feel that our American troops deserve someone a little classier? Entertaining? Famous? Human? All of the above, really. [People]

Gossip Break: Halle Hides Her Baby

by

OMG! It’s the back of Halle Berry‘s baby! [Bossip]

Speaking of babies, Nicole Kidman is back out in public, and she looks like she never even gave birth. Jerk! [DListed]

18-year old Hayden Panettiere refused to let her much older boyfriend - Milo Ventimiglia – move into her house. Smart move – especially because it’s basically illegal. [I'mNotObsessed]

Katie Holmes‘ transformation into pale alien is almost complete. [ICYDK]

Ice-T and CoCo wear pink. Cute or creepy? [YBF]

Annoying Lauren Conrad masters casual chic, the color purple. [Jezebel]

Jessica Simpson Can’t Fool Country Fans

by

We all know Jessica Simpson was thinking:

“Holy sh*t. My career is seriously almost over. No one buys me as a movie star and that stupid assface Mylie Cyrus has stolen my spotlight as the terrible crooner everyone loves. But I need money! I can’t afford my Louis Vuitton dog-carry cases on just Proactiv money alone! Oh – wait – I’ve got it! I’ll turn into a country music star! Those people seem kinda dense, which means we’ll totally click! All I need is a cowboy hat and I’ll be a country gal. What is it those people say? Yee-ho? Yee-ho!”

Reinventing Jessica as a country artist was a GREAT idea, Joe Simpson. But unfortunately for you and your expensive hair-bleaching addiction, country fans have ears. And eyes. And TASTE. The “singer” opened for legit country star Sara Evans this weekend in Wisconsin, and while she begged the audience to love her by saying “I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas. I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy,” they didn’t buy it, and booed the sh*t out of her! When doing what you love equals riding in a $60,000 Bentley and selling hair extensions, and the “boy” is a millionaire quarterback, you ain’t like anyone in Wisconsin, Jess! [Us]

Khloe Kardashian: Jail Was The Bomb

by


“Keeping Up With the Kardashians” star Khloe Kardashian served 173 minutes of her 30 day jail sentence, and Kim’s little sis reported that her time in solitary confinement definitely wasn’t boring.

“There was a bomb threat,” Khloe told Ryan Seacrest on Monday. “They put me in solitary confinement and the warden came down to talk to me and said, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here. … There are all these bomb threats, and we think they’re because of you.’”

Khloe checked in Friday to the Century Regional Detention Facility at Los Angeles County’s women’s jail in Lynwood, California, which boasts Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie as former celebrity inmates. She was sentenced to serve time for failing to meet the terms of her probation for her DUI arrest and was releasedearly due to overcrowding and because she posed a threat to other inmates, she said.

Before the youngest of the Kardashian sisters checked into jail, Kim talked to Jimmy Kimmel about how her family was dealing with Khloe’s impending incarceration.