The Hills Poem-cap: LC Friends the Enemy

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Each week we’ll be recapping the most recent episode(s) of The Hills with haiku poems. Peep our work and then drop your own piece in our comments section. Trust us – The Hills is much easier to swallow in small bites!

Haiku #1
She-Pratt has it all -
Bad fashion taste, bad brother.
No wonder she’s mean.

Haiku #2
Why won’t you hug me?
Straight up truth: Brody Jenner smells
like desperation.

Haiku #3
Fake? Real? We can’t tell.
Heidi’s robot eyes can’t cry.
Is Whit’s job a sham?

Haiku #4
Lo. Sweet, skanky Lo.
You deserve your own show, girl.
We love all your ish.

Barack or Hillary? 50 Cent Flip-Flops

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50cent.jpg50 Cent can’t seem to make up his mind. The rapper’s brain, apparently, is a microcosm of the Democratic Party’s nomination process. MTV News reports that 50 was originally for Hillary Clinton, telling Fox News, “I just think she’d do a good job. There’s nothing bad about Obama in my eyes either, but I just think Hillary would be my choice.” But after listening to Obama’s speech on race, the MC changed his tune: “He hit me with that he-just-got-done- watching-Malcolm X, and I swear to God, I’m like, ‘Yo, Obama!’ . . . I’m Obama to the end now, baby!”

Well, as S.E. Hinton says, that was then, this is now. These days, 50 is more confused. “To be honest, I haven’t been following that anymore,” he told MTV News. “I lost my interest. I listened to some of the debate and things that they were saying, and I just got lost in everything that was going on . . . . Don’t look for my vote, for me to determine nothing on that. Just say, ’50 Cent, he don’t know, so don’t ask Fiddy.’” He continued, “I just think there’s people that might not be ready for an African-American president. It’ll be an issue, believe it or not.”

Those of you who remember how effectively the Republican smear campaign worked against John Kerry — another notable flip-flopper — must be hoping 50 sticks to music. After all, he already lost that one race to Kanye West. Looks like somebody’s just not fit for politics.

Tuesday: Jess’ Hot Hospital Stay

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jessicasimpson.jpgJamie-Lynn Flaunts her Ring, Baby Bod
Brit’s sister is not only engaged, she’s looking super hot! Baby weight never looked so good. [DListed]

Audrina Can’t Stop Getting Naked
Enjoy these recent NSFW nudies pics of everyone’s favorite spaced out Hills star. [Egotastic]

Lauren Conrad Defends her Boy Obsessions
LC sticks up for herself and her boy-crazy ways. We don’t care what she says – her Brody obsession speaks for itself! [Us]

Jessica Simpson Stuck in Hospital
Big sister Simpson was hospitalized this week with a kidney infection. Feel better – we hope Tony brings you some chicken soup. [Us]

Comeback Alert! Brit Back with Ex-Manager
Brit allegedly made amends with her former manager Larry Rudolph. Is she serious about this comeback or just mending her burned bridges? [Ok!]

Flav 3: Hot or Not? New Girls vs The Incumbents Results!

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We asked you to write “Hot” or “Not” on the photos of the new Flav girls as well as the five house incumbents. Did you follow instructions? No! You wrote mean (“looks like Big Foot”) and hilarious (“hotter than SHY’s Breath”) and sexually explicit (“I’d tap that”) responses. Despite this glut of information, we weeded through hundreds of your comments to deliver the following results, listed from hottest to nottest girl. Disagree with your fellow fans? Leave a comment.

1. Prancer
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HOT = 124
NOT = 22
Score: 85%

2. Seezinz
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HOT = 75
NOT = 17
Score: 82%

Read more…

Adrianne Curry: Life on the Z List

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adrianne_curryReality stars have it tough, especially when you’re on the self-described “Z List.” On Saturday night, Adrianne Curry spent four hours on a premiere she couldn’t even get into. According to the My Fair Brady star’s blog, Curry went all out for her first major motion picture premiere, for Nim’s Island. After spending two hours on her makeup — and some more time in traffic — the Brady mate got shut down by security. “I was too damn dressed up to not stick out like a sore thumb,” Curry said as to why she didn’t wait around, hoping her publicist or security could get her in. Fortunately, Adrianne was able to return home with little incident, and at least some of her pride in tact, ending her post with this self-aware statement: “With everything going on in the world, this is pretty damn minor. However, it still sucks ass.”

This might be a blessing in disguise for Curry, as the last time she appeared on the red carpet, she set off a firestorm of controversy over whether or not she was pregnant…

Stars Get Goofy at Kids’ Choice

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Why are Academy Award winners cut off in mid-sentence during their acceptance speeches? It’s probably because they’re as exciting as someone reading who begat whom from the Bible. As dwindling ratings suggest, both the Oscars and the Grammys are boring the pants off of their viewers. Not so the Kids’ Choice Awards, which, in recent years, has bucked the trend of declining ratings for awards shows.

The stars may have used last night’s 2008 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards as a marketing tool, but at least they show up with their guards down and their funniest clown faces on. Maybe children bring out the goofiest in them. Whatever the reason, the juxtapositions below may indicate that stars have more fun at Kids’ Choice than at more serious, staid events. (All Images: Getty)

Harrison Ford at the Oscars (left) and Kids Choice (right). harrison_ford.jpg

 

 

Jack Black at the Oscars (left) and Kids’ Choice (right). jack-black-kids-choice.jpg

 

Amy Poehler at the Rock Hall induction (left) and Kids’ Choice (right).amy_poehler.jpg

 

 

Emile Hirsch at the Screen Actors’ Guild Awards (left) and Kids’ Choice (right).emile_hirsch.jpg

 

 

Steve Carell at the Oscars (left) and Kids’ Choice Awards (right).steve_carell.jpg

Read more…

Can’t Anyone Put the Axl Back Into Velvet Revolver?

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guns-n-roses.jpgLooks like the halcyon days of John Varvatos camaraderie are over. The increasingly internecine relationship between Velvet Revolver and their red-headed lead singer, Scott Weiland, has come to a breaking point. Speaking to the NME, Slash explained that “There will be a third album . . . . We don’t know how or when but the core four guys will continue.” This comes after Weiland announced that the band might never tour again, and Velvet Revolver’s subsequent in-fighting hit the Internet. Idolator has a list of replacements for Slash and company (Rod Stewart! Yeah!), and, in not-unrelated news, Weiland is heading up the Stone Temple Pilots reunion tour this summer. Yay. [Ed.: Yay?]

Elsewise, Dr. Pepper issued a challenge last week to reclusive former Velvet Revolver singer Axl Rose, explaining that the soft-drink company would give a free can of Dr. Pepper to every American (with the exception of guitarists Buckethead and Slash), should Guns N’ Roses’ long-delayed, Howard Hughes-soap-opera-esque album Chinese Democracy see the light of day in 2008. Denying any involvement in the promotion, Axl explained that he found the offer flattering and that he’d share his fizzy beverage with Buckethead. Ouch, right? But also whatever. Look, Axl, if Velvet Revolver is missing a lead singer, we can’t think of another redhead who qualifies better than you. Can no one get Guns N’ Roses — the real Guns N’ Roses — back together? Please? We have an inkling that people would rather see even the worst, loosest, 20-minute-long version of “Coma” as played by Axl, Slash, Duff, Matt and that other guy than a tight “Interstate Love Song” performed by Weiland, the DeLeo brothers and that other guy. Just an inkling, though.

Kim Takes It To the Wrestling Ring

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Last night, Kim Kardashian appeared at Wrestlemania 24, much to the disappointment of at least a few folks. According to reports, Kim wasn’t exactly welcome in her hosting duties at the event. “Who is she, anyway? Paris Hilton‘s former BFF? A football player’s girlfriend? The star of a sex tape with a B-list rapper? A favorite poser for the paparazzi? She has a reality show that exposes that she does nothing, and WWE made a mistake thinking she was a star!” said a WWE star who refused to be named. Actually, anonymous WWE star, she’s all of the above! Kim didn’t do herself any favors when, earlier in the week, she twice admitted she’d
have “no idea” what she would do at Sunday night’s event.

We’re proposing, given the fact that the anonymous source above made mention that she doesn’t exactly do anything, that Kim take it to the ring. Kim “The Tush” Kardashian would battle the WWE’s best, from cage matches to red carpet events. We’ve even thought of a few signature moves:

“The Pose”: Kim blinds her opponent with the shimmer on her lips and the sparkliness of her outfit.
“The Dash”
: Kim bolts across the ring with lightning speed, undetected by her opponent.
“The Ass”: Kim disables her opponent by pinning them to the mat with her ample posterior.