Hey Britney – I am really getting sick of reading and writing and talking about you all day long. So if you could do me a favor, please stop doing really stupid sh*t all the time. I don’t want you to end up back in court any more than you do, all I want for is for you to disappear into a giant sea of frappucinos and cigarette butts, never to be seen or heard from again. But when you do stuff like make a left hand turn on a red light while cars are coming at you, it makes me a little crazy. And when you drive like a lunatic with your kids and that parenting coach in the car, my mind explodes a tiny bit. But to do it all holding a cell phone in front of your face to hide your (plastically enhanced) lips?! That’s just straight up dumb. Let those lips shine, girl! They’re one of the few good things left on you. [Image: Getty]
- Remy Ma walks to her court hearing for assault while sucking on a lollipop. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a conviction? Let’s find out! [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Christina Ricci resembles a meerkat. Makes sense: you are what you eat like. [CityRag]
- Michael Jackson is pointy. And I’m not referring to his cheekbones or chin! [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Lindsay Lohan leaves the house wearing plaid leggings. So much for rehab. [Dlisted]
- Erykah Badu is set to sing a song called “Vibrate On” during an appearance on Girlfriends. The encore will be a ditty titled “OK, Now I’m Sore.” [SOULBOUNCE.com]
Is it possible that Amy Winehouse‘s life is getting worse than Britney’s? Yesterday the soul singer’s London house was raided and her husband Blake Fielder-Civil was cuffed, arrested and dragged away by police. No, it wasn’t over a stash of coke, but something even darker and weirder. Her man is accused of attempting to bribe a witness – with approximately $400, 000 – who was set to testify against him in a trial (Blake was charged with assault) starting next week. During the ordeal poor little Amy sobbed, “Baby, I love you. Baby, I’ll be fine,” and begged the cops to allow her to go with her husband. Is it any question as to why this girl doesn’t eat anything except for pot brownies and Jim Beam? Her life is a mess.
Authorities have reiterated many times that Amy is in no way involved in the plot, which carries a maximum sentence of life in prison if convicted. Where was her husband going to get all that money? The only lucrative thing he currently has going on is his wife. And honestly, we’re kind of rooting for him to get tossed in the clink for a while – it might give Amy a chance to straighten herself out. [Image: Getty]
Myspace is home to a lot of crazies, but none so insane as our beloved rocker/mom/yo-yo dieter Courtney Love, who often entertains the masses with her loony, nonsensical blog posts. Her latest masterpiece clocked in at 3691 words, and – when cut and pasted into Word – stretched out over 6 and a half pages (12 pt Times New Roman font, single spaced). Allow us to dig through the misspellings, the tearing to shreds of Madonna and the overall insanity to bring you the best of her lengthy, take it out on the keyboard, therapy session.
- Courtney: but im icy ssad- madonna is a great business woma but come on she s weak as an artista nd we akl lknow it- i like madge – but as a relevant musician – its a joke shes singing from such a calculating thought out place all the time its never from her gut or heart or intuition so maybe it sounds great an dis slick and you can hum it -discxo n dance it but ambitionand sass and shrewd does not equal great art- hard work and major dsicipline doesnt equal great art and all of those are great things- i covet thenm i haVE great disciplne and i do work like a bionic thing.
- Translation: Courtney is dissing Madonna for being a sellout. Um, our girl Court needs to take a good hard look in the mirror. Pot, meet kettle!
Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.
The mtvU Woodie Awards was chock-full of all your favorite pop and indie musicians. The role call included Rilo Kiley, Gym Class Heroes, Talib Kweli, Fallout Boy, The Academy Is…, Boys Like Girls, Motion City Soundtrack, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Spank Rock, Stella by Starlight, Say Anything, Tim William, and Tokyo Police Club.
You’ve watched America’s Most Smartest Model and developed opinions. Now we want to hear them: Who do you think should be the next contestant to be kicked off the show?
Lisa was eliminated last episode. Did you forsee her fall?
Fallen but not forgotten
This Sunday, what do you think is going to happen?
America’s Most Smartest Model Show Info
Episode 6 Sneak
Episode 5 Recap
America’s Most Smartest Model Casting!
As usual I am recapping last night’s amazing Office episode here in this memo. Please do not hesitate to speak to my assistant Pam about setting up a meeting to discuss last night’s greatness – or to chat about our communal office birthday party. Please note – the ice cream cake in the fridge is mine and will not be shared.
1. First, let me apologize for not inviting everyone on our last company retreat. Oh, and talking abotu it constantly probably made me seem like a Toby in a sea of uninvited Michaels. Sorry about that, it’s just that the s’mores were too good not to talk about. For six months.
Jack hires a character actor Jarod (David Schwimmer) to play the network’s pro-ecology superhero, Greenzo. Kenneth‘s usually dreary annual party is juiced by a swirl of celeb-invitee rumours begun by Tracy. Pete is schtupping his estranged wife Paula in Liz‘s apartment (using Pop Tarts as boudoir toys). Al Gore stops by to see if he can help the green campaign. Hit the comments section if you plan to be involved in any “foxy boxing” this weekend.
Jack: We’re going green, Lemon. And do you know why?
Liz: To save the Earth?
Jack: So we can drain the remainder of its resources. Don Geist is a genius. He’s pitting all the divisions of the company against each other, to see who can make the most money from this environmentalism trend, and i am going to win with…
Jarod: Greenzo! Saving the Earth while maintaining profitability!
Jack: That’s right Jarod, Greenzo is the first non-judgemental, business-friendly environmental advocate.
Jarod: The free market will solve global warming…if that even exists.
Still think you know what New York wants and needs? Tell us which guys are safe, and who will be dismissed next episode. Comment now!
Midget Mac and It got the boot last episode. Did you foresee their falls?
Fallen but not forgotten
I Love New York Show Info
Episode 6 Sneak Peek
Midget Mac Tells All!