Let’s get this out of the way: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Ali Lohan is clearly getting career advice from her big sister, as the tween is allegedly auditioning to star in a remake of the second most ridiculous movie ever (after it’s sequel, obviously) Troll. How fitting that she already kinda looks like one? Yeah yeah, we’re more evil than the creatures she’ll fight in the flick, we know. The director is supposedly hooked on the little Lohan, gushing, “The camera loves her. She’s a really good actress…I am personally going to fight for her.”
We’re all going to fight for her, because let’s admit it – we’re a fan of anything that takes Ali from the D List to the Z List. [DListed]
Well, it’s probably more likely that she’ll just have to fork over a sh*t-ton of cash. But we’re really excited about the possibility of Kim in the clink! Kimmy and her clan will be heading to court, after the lawsuit brought against them by Brandy’s mom Sonja Norwood was approved for trial. The date is set for February 17, 2009, which will surely be the most glorious day of the year!!! Forget Christmas, let’s exchange presents on Dash-mas! In case you forget the drama, Norwood has accused Kim and her sisters Khloe and Kourtney of charging over $120,000 on her credit card, when Kim was working as a stylist – and a sex tape star – for Norwood’s son Ray J. And with that, we’re off to move to LA so we can be considered to sit on this jury! [E! Online]
YoYo and six of the women who were once in the running towards becoming Miss Rap Supreme have joined forces with Yahoo! and Pepsi Smash to turn out the collaborative track, “Mic Pass.” Above, watch Rece Steele, Byata, Chiba, Nicky2States, Bree and D.A.B. rip it together so hard that you’ll barely miss Cherry and Twist (but, really, where the hell are they?). Also, is the word “lesbian” censored in Bree’s verse? Like, seriously?
Regardless, it’s nice to see some of the women still doing their thing. Truthfully, we’re just posting this because like she says in her verse, Chiba runs Viacom and we were afraid things would get supremely dramatic if we didn’t.
The latest Spears tot has finally arrived ya’ll! Get that baby a Starbucks! Jamie-Lynn Spearsgave birth to a healthy baby girl this morning in Mississippi, possibly via c-section. The Spears clan was present, and a pal in the know reveals that “everyone is healthy and happy.” Hurray! J-L and her boyfriend Casey Aldridge have named their new daughter Maddie Briann, which is seems perfect for a little Southern belle who will presumably spend a lot of time cruising on ATVs with her pops. Congrats to all, especially BritBrit, for being okay with not being the center of attention for once. Our girls are growing up!
In a surprising turn of events, Kanye West has taken to his blog to praise an individual other than himself. After fellow rapper Lil Wayne‘s record setting album sales this week with his Tha Carter III, Ye took to his blog and, under the headline “A MILLION HERE… A MILLION THERE!!!!! EXACT NUMBER 1,005,545!!!!!!!!!!!!!” stated the following:
CONGRATS TO MY HOMIE WAYNE. I’M HAPPY 2 KNOW THIS GUY!!! BOW IN THE PRESENCE OF A TRUE LIVING LEGEND IN HIP HOP… LIL WAYNE THE GOD!!!
It’s unclear as to how Kanye was allowed to discover evidence of someone else’s success, as his handlers attempt to keep him unaware, so as to prevent the childish tantrums he’s known for.
Blink and you’ll miss it, but in this new video sneak peak for an Usher photoshoot there are a few quick shots of the most adorable little man in the world, Usher Raymond V! The precious baby has no idea his daddy is all interested in making sweet sweet love to his mommy in the club, he just likes to hang around looking all tiny and cute. We love him! Finally Tameka did something right – maybe we judged her too quickly?
Ugh. What aren’tFiddy and his ex fighting about these days? After accusing the rapper of torching her house earlier this Spring, Shaniqua Tompkins stopped allowing 50 Cent access to the couple’s 11-year old son. Fiddy supposedly sent his kid, Marquise, a new cell phone after his previous one was destroyed in the house fire, but Shaniqua has not allowed him to use it. Drama! The hip hop mogul is also accusing his ex-lady of monitoring calls to his son. Blah blah blah custody drama and fighting blah blah blah. Shouldn’t these two at least TRY to get along? Not for us, but for their kid. Please! [NYDN]
Just when they couldn’t get any scarier, Spencer and Heidi have gone and spent $10,000 on guns. Shoot ‘em up! The freaky couple snagged “two Benelli semiautomatic M4 tactical shotguns, two Wilson close quarter combat .45-caliber pistols and one Scout semiautomatic rifle.” We’re not quite sure what they need them for, but Spencer allegedly is a wee bit paranoid since he became Mr. Moneybags. “Spencer does have a few enemies,” a friend explains. “He’s alienated a lot of people now that he’s rich and famous.” Another friend explained that “Spencer wants to be prepared for anything,” which judging from the amount of weapons he bought, is a full-blown war. Creepy. [In Touch]
Someone (nice work Denise!) leaked some old messages from Charlie Sheen left on Denise Richards voicemail, and boy are they pleasant! Here’s a little bit of the sweet nothings he whispered into her phone (this will be the worst thing you ever read, so cover your eyes if necessary):
You’re a f*cking liar. So, you know what it’s like, f*ck you. Okay, I hope you rot in f*cking hell. You’re a piece of sh*t f*cking liar and I hope you f*cking rot in hell. So f*ck you. I hope I never f*cking talk to you again you f*cking c*nt. F*ck you. You’re a coward and a liar and a f*cking n*gger alright, so f*ck you.
Charlie of course had to apologize (but not to Denise), because that’s some effed up stuff right there. “I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings. And for the record, my children did not show up today for a custodial visit without explanation. So three and one-half years later, the reasons that caused the anger and frustration displayed on that voice mail continue to be manifested on a daily basis.”
The clip above is an extended outtake from VH1′s upcoming talking-head remembrance fest, I Love the New Millennium, which officially premieres Monday, June 23, at 9/8 ET (there’s a sneak premiere the day before at 11 a.m., ET). In it, perennial smart-ass Hal Sparks riffs on the alleged R. Kelly sex tape. It’s especially timely, considering last week’s not-guilty verdict, but then, so is the series, when you consider that it’s looking back on our current decade. It just goes to show that everything moves so fast these days — including nostalgia.