Poor Little Brit Can’t Feed or Dress Herself

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We’re now on Day 2 of Brit Watch, and already her brief hospital stay has been ripe with drama. But really, what else is Britney good at? Brit’s mom has finally wised up (what took her so long?) and wants to take her baby girl back to Louisiana after her psych ward stint is over. Hopefully they have pet stores and Starbucks in the Bayou, though it may take BritBrit a little while to get her there. She’s been classified a “G.D.’ or a “gravely disabled,” which means that she can be involuntarily committed because “the patient is unable to take care of basic needs, such as the acquisition of food, clothing or shelter.”

So it was extra hilarious to see Brit’s man-slave/controller Sam Lutfi at this hospital last night, lugging in some In-N-Out for his ward. Poor little Britney will never be able to figure out how to work a drive-thru if Sam keeps enabling her ass! As for getting dressed, well, hopefully her hospital stint will help her learn how to put on a bra (link NSFW). Sam and Brit’s mom are not on speaking terms, and he’s already come out and bashed her to Access Hollywood, telling them via text message, “Her mother is not someone who cares about her daughter, she’s only concerned with herself….She was too busy getting a manicure to come over yesterday, despite her daughters (sic) pleas. Sad, very sad.

Yeah, almost as sad as a grown woman who’s unable to do anything for herself.

Friday: J.Lo’s Designer Birth

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jenniferlopez0208.jpgMeet Snow White, Brit’s Alter Ego
Before her current hospital stint, the pop star was checking into hotels under the name Snow White. The paparazzi are probably her 700 dwarfs. [JustJared]

Star Jones Gets Boot from New Show
The lawyer-turned-host has already been kicked off of her TruTV show. Think she can hear Barbara Walters laughing? [People]

J. Lo to Rock Couture While Giving Birth
Jenny from the block is having her babies while decked out in couture jonnies. Looks like she’s finally been fooled by the rocks that she got. [MSNBC]

K-Fed Likes Britney Best When She’s Hospitalized
Sure he’s concerned for her wellbeing, but he’s also smart to keep his “cash” locked up (and doped up). [People]

“Grey’s Anatomy” Doc Hits up Brit’s Psych Ward
The guy who plays one of the sexy MDs on Greys (McSteamy, McDreamy, McSweaty – one of those dudes), just checked out of Brit’s psych ward after receiving treatment for a sleep disorder. [TMZ]

Paris Hilton’s Line of Shoes Are Just As Trashy As Her

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parishilton.jpgCelebrity heiress and frequent subject of photography Paris Hilton has introduced her new line of shoes. The trouble is, as some online have noted, that a) the shoes are blatant rip-offs of other brands, and b) they’re ugly as sin. As to the former, we want to point to the style-obsessed ladies of Fashionista, who explain that Paris’ sandal is almost a direct copy of the Christian Louboutin shoe commonly known as the Tibouroun 70 Espadrilles. Today, The New York Daily News reported that Paris has upset the fashionable elite, since her shoes very closely resemble the ones produced by Te Casan (most recently in the news for their new line with Natalie Portman). The trouble is that it seems Paris has the inverse of the Midas touch — whatever she encounters turns to trash — and people are sensitive about their footwear. Would you wear her shoes? Picture after the jump.

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Paris Hilton Can’t Believe Her Eyes

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Well, thank god Paris has finally figured out how the magic of baby-making works. The heiress divulged the deets on a weepy sleepover she had at Nicole’s mom’s house, with the new mama and her little girl Harlow. She said (presumably in her best baby voice), “I was crying when I saw her. She looks like a miniature version of Nicole and Joel. I am so happy for them.”

Is Paris so sheltered that she’s just now realized that babies look like the two people who come together to create them? And from what’s she’s describing, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden have created the fugliest baby known to mankind bloggerkind. Check out our artistic interpretation of Paris’ description. Who do you think Harlow Madden looks more like – Mommy or Daddy? [Page Six]

No One Cares About Christina’s Baby

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christina_baby.jpgPoor Christina Aguilera. Apparently people like her tunes but are totally turned off when her tanned and dyed mug is plastered on a magazine cover. The singer has been in talks with OK! magazine to sell pics of her and her new baby Max, but plans have stalled after she wasn’t offered the cover. Gasp! An insider says, “The OK! wedding cover didn’t sell as well as they hoped, and even her recent Marie Claire cover underperformed, all things considered.” Yup, the only people who care about Christina are,well, just Christina. A different source revealed that “Christina has an inflated sense of her own value and seems to expect an extortionate amount of money for these baby pictures.”

We have seven dollars in our wallet, that should cover the cost! But the money drama may not be the only thing stopping the pics from being published. A pal of Christina’s alleges that the baby might not be “ready for prime time.” We can only assume this means his hair isn’t the appropriate shade of platinum blond and he keeps smudging his red lipstick. Poor little Max – isn’t he beautiful no matter what Mommy says? [MSNBC]

American Idol Day 6: Simon Turns Vicious

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Auditions: Miami

After a disappointing day in Omaha, the American Idol judges headed to Miami, where the warm weather seemed to ratchet up the energy and give Idol some of the juice it has been lacking. Simon was the real star of last night’s auditions, delivering some of the choicest, strangest, and cruelest rejections we’ve heard all season, a welcome return to form for the curmudgeonly Brit.

Let’s review, shall we, the destruction:

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Super Bowl Sunday: Commercialville

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There are those who watch the Super Bowl because they’ve got lotsa $$$$$ riding on it. There are those who watch the Super Bowl because it’s a chance to slurp beer and wolf Doritos. There are those who watch the Super Bowl because the fierce competition of sports and brutish grace of football are addicting. And then there are those who watch the Super Bowl for the cool-ass commercials. Several of us are in the latter bunch (though we have slurped beer on a Sunday now and then). To prep for this weekend’s clash between the Patriots and the Giants, we decided to corral a few recent classics. From the devilish office antics of Robert Goulet to the airport wand-job of Kathy Griffin and Michael Ian Black to the return of MC Hammer to the Vulcan salutation of Leonard Nimoy, there have been some pips. Come back tomorrow, we’ll be showing some of this weekend’s entries.

What’s your favorite Super Bowl commercial?


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Thursday: Madonna Makes More Money Than You

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madonna.jpgMichelle Kicked Out Heath Cuz of His Drug Habit
Apparently the actor was tormented by an addiction that ended his relationship. Sigh – isn’t this story already sad enough? [NY Post]

Madonna is the Richest Mama in Music
The Material Girl makes the most money of all women in music, raking in $72 million last year. According to the Forbes list, Britney brought up the rear in 14th place. Here’s to women with fake British accents! [Us]

Avril Lavigne Wants You to Stink Like Her
Avs is about to follow the lead of every other lady singer and create her own perfume. Isn’t smelling good the opposite of punk? [DListed]

Paris Gets Hot n’ Heavy with Elisha Cuthbert
Nothing like a little girl-on-girl action to remind the world that Paris is still as annoying and attention-hungry as ever. [Us]
Hulk Hogan Endorses Obama for Prez
Finally the presidential campaign is relevant. Thanks Hulk. [TMZ]

Britney Hospitalized & On Psychiatric Hold

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It happened again late last night: Britney Spears was shuttled to the hospital – this time to UCLA Medical Center – in an ambulance surrounded by police and paparazzi. Fortunately things went down differently for the pop princess’ second hospital stint, dare we even say calmly. Brit’s new psychiatrist set off the chain of events, which had apparently been planned for days, after he determined that her behavior was reckless (driving around like a lunatic in a pink wig) and deteriorating (not sleeping since Saturday. Saturday!!!). He called the police and paramedics, who knew of the plan beforehand and referred to Britney in code, calling her “The Package.” Britney was extremely calm during the entire thing, making herself hot chocolate and waiting in silence. Her mom, however, apparently freaked out, and there is allegedly major tension between the family and Sam Lutfi, who orchestrated the whole event. Also on the scene: cousin Alli Sims, an aunt, Britney’s did Jamie, and her bizarre paparazzi-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib.

Britney is now currently at the hospital (where she’s been allowed smoking breaks) under a 72-hour hold, and could be kept as long as 14 days. There’s allegedly some drama between her family and Sam over who gets to make the medical decisions for Brit, as she had her lawyers draft up papers after her last hospital stint that puts Lutfi in charge of her medical decisions. Apparently Brit’s dad blew up at Sam and accused him of trying to control Brit’s life.

Check out the above video of the scene as Britney was taken away from her house to the hospital late last night. Apparently the line of police and medical vehicles “stretched longer than a football field.” Only the best for America’s pop princess. [LA Times/TMZ/Us]

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