Pretty Explains…Well, Not Very Much, Actually

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Last week’s I Love New York cast-off Pretty has uploaded a hyper-produced video to YouTube featuring multiple camera angles, various transitional wipes and his attempt to take a “moment to clear the air” about what led him to walk off the show. He spends three minutes doing so. Here it is:

While he does touch on some of the mystique surrounding his portrayal on the show (he did have an ex and “she’s definitely an ex-ex,” at that), there’s a lot more air that needs clearing. He makes no attempt to explain why his answers to Real and Chance were completely out of synch with his sister’s to New York and Sister Patterson. Also, as he chalks up the gay rumors to stemming merely from the way that he carries himself, he’s skirting the issue of how the allegations arose in the first place (who was he checking out and why did that person think that?). Honestly, I never thought Pretty was gay (even when he made the remark about the glitter pen), but even now I’m not sure that he’s giving us the whole story.

NGAB: Bye-Bye Bluegrass, Hello Satan

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We’ll never get to hear the banjo’d-out version of “No Expectations” or “Honky Tonk Women” or whatever Stones song Cliff Wagner & the Old #7 were plotting before they got deep-sixed last Friday night. Americans with money and phones have voted, and bluegrass ain’t part of Next Great American Band’s agenda.

That’s okay, it’s a pop and rock world we live in, especially when you’re selling blocks of commercial time in a talent contest, so we’re now down to six outfits that are going to take us through the start of ’08. I’ve still got my fingers crossed for Tres Bien, who did the shimmy-shimmy-shake on “Get Off My Cloud” (with a “Satisfaction” guitar riff thrown in for you dudes who miss mash-ups) and conjured a vibe out of That Thing You Do.

All in all, it was a surprisingly fun romp through the Jagger-Richards songbook, with no one – except for the big-band nimrods – embarrassing themselves. The metal rugrats should have told Dicko to sticko and come out sans shirts for their “Jumping Jack Flash” romp. Something very odd about seeing an 11-year-old from the San Diego suburbs singing that he was “born in a cross-fire hurricane,” but the Light of Doom kid swings his hair around really well; I believed him for a sec or two. And the praying pickers in the Clark Brothers summoned the dangers of the devil quite convincingly with their judge-pleasing “Gimme Shelter.”

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Monday: Nobody Puts Oprah in a Corner

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oprah-1127.jpgOprah’s Enemies Try to Ruin Her Rep
Some weirdo is trying to trash Queen O with an expose book about alleged discrimination at her production company. We smell an Oprah’s Book Club pick! [NYP]

Did Paris Sell Out Pal Nicole?
Someone is trying to sneakily sell pics of Nicole’s baby shower (of which In Style has the exclusive pic rights) to the tabs that feature a certain blonde someone in the center of every image. BFF can also stand for Bad Friend Forever, apparently. [NYDN]

The Spice Girls Get Hacked
Someone broke into the Girls’ website and posted a message announcing the cancellation of the show. Surely the culprit deserves to be slammed down and zigazig-ahhhhed for this crime. [People]

Lohans Battle at Family Therapy
It is so nice to see that everyone’s Thanksgivings are wonderfully dysfunctional. Nothing goes with pumpkin pie quite like a group counseling session! [X17]

Britney Spends Thanksgiving Shopping
The singer just HAD to go to the Virgin Megastore on Thanksgiving to buy a CD and a movie. Think she was trying to boast sales of her own album flop? [Us]

Hogans Divorce: Let A Reporter Tell Him

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Oh no, brother! Everyone’s favorite blonde mom in clear heels, Linda Hogan, has filed for divorce from her wrestling star hubby of 24 years, Hulk Hogan. For four seasons, the pair, along with their kids Brooke and Nick, have lived out the ups and downs of famous family life – and marriage – on Hogan Knows Best. The couple has hinted at relationship troubles in the past and even attended couple’s counseling after the bickering got to be too much. Most recently, they’ve been dealing with Nick’s car accident, a crash that has left him facing legal charges (and his friend still in the hospital).

Though Linda filed for the split last Tuesday, she never told her hubby. The news reached the blogosphere – and Hulk – Friday evening. The St. Petersburg Times broke the news to him over the phone; daunted, he replied “Thank you for that great information.” After calling the reporter back five minutes later, Hulk (known to family and fans as Terry) said, “I’m kind of shocked. You caught me off-guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. … Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. … I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going on here.”

Linda is reportedly asking for “an equitable split of assets” (the couple owns two Florida homes and have a Las Vegas condo under construction) as well as joint custody of 17-year old Nick, asking that he maintain a residence with her while Hulk getting “liberal visitation.” Her reps say she has no current comment on the split, but when she does, we’ll be listening. We imagine her soon to be ex-husband will be as well. [Image: Getty]

Celebrities Talk Turkey

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Happy Thanksgiving folks. As a Turkey Day treat, we’re presenting you with this special report from VH1 News and Red Hot Red Carpet. In it, our peerless reporters get to the bottom of Thanksgiving traditions — celebrity traditions, that is. Want to know how Heidi Klum bastes her bird? Bet you didn’t think Christina Ricci knew how to eat turkey, much less cook one. Diane Sawyer likes to play games at her table. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Jessica Simpson needs a little help with her feast preparation. Common is a big mumbler, so we can’t tell you what his Thanksgiving is all about. But our favorite response is from actress Kerry Washington. When asked about her special cooking skills, she replied, “I make a really good reservation.” Spoken like a true superstar.

Tila Tequila: Did MTV Steal Your Eyebrows? (Ep. 7)

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Darling Tila, once again we find ourselves dreadfully concerned. Do you think we enjoy feeling this way? No, no we don’t. The reason why is simple. On last night’s episode, it seems that your dip in the pool erased your face. We understand that water can act as a solvent, especially when your makeup isn’t chlorine-proof, but what happened to your eyebrows? Did MTV steal them?

We like to recall you in happier times, frolicking in similarly scanty attire, but painted up to the peak of perfection. We will remember you as you are below, in these, some of our favorite photographs.

Oh, your tanned belly, lithe limbs, cute little tattoos . . . and pencil-thin eyebrows, which, apparently, are actually drawn on with a pencil. We are not the only ones who are attracted to you this way. For proof, look no further than Brandi, who made her stand last week, left the house, and then reneged on her position and came crawling back to beg forgiveness.

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Brit Wants to Catch K-Fed Behaving Badly

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britney-spears-1121.jpgFinally this divorce is gonna turn into a fun little game of Gotcha! Along with her private investigator (our guess is that this is just cousin-assistant Alli Sims in a Sherlock Holmes hat and pipe), BritBrit is attempting to bust K-Fed doing something dumb. Kevin’s attorney wasn’t fazed by the singer’s latest attempt at couple’s war, stating that he didn’t think her snooping would be “a good expenditure of funds.” But this is Britney Spears we’re talking about! The girl is made of funds. And so what if the Kev’s counselor isn’t freaked? We still like to imagine what dirty business Britney might find goin’ down at Chez Federline:

  • Kevin likes to dance around in his underwear to – gasp! - Christina Aguilera.
  • Sean Preston and Jayden James are fed Cheez-Its and Ginger Ale instead of Cheetos and Diet Coke.
  • K-Fed invited Justin Timberlake over for a sleepover where they ate pizza, prank called Britney and learned the entire dance routine to “I’m a Slave 4 U.”
  • Her ex has a weekly hang session with his bros where they smoke some of the green stuff, drink 40′s, and watch The Bachelor.
  • Kevin stops at red lights and only makes left hand turns when the stoplight is green - amazing!

Ask New York – Your Questions Answered!

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You asked and New York answered! After receiving hundreds of questions for New York, VH1′s own H.B.I.C. is now fielding them. Below, you’ll find the first installment of New York’s answers to the fans’ questions. If yours didn’t make the cut, have no fear: there are further installments of Ask New York on the way. Check back next week to see even more Ask New York answers.

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Donda West’s Surgeon Speaks (Not)

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Dr. Jan Adams, the doctor who operated on Kanye West‘s mother Donda the day before she died, appeared on Larry King Live last night…for about a minute and a half. He’d been slated as the night’s guest, and was set to seize the opportunity to clear up what he claims are press-spun inaccuracies. But after being booked, the doctor was asked by the West family not to appear on the show. Adams explained:

They are my side, and I’m going to respect their wishes. I’m going to apologize to you because I think I’m taking up your air time, but I will not be on the show and I’m not going to discuss any of that. I’m going to honor their wishes, OK?

Soon after, he unclipped his mic and left. As if this case needed any help in its weirdness, Dr. Jan Adams just saw it and raised it a pile of attitude. Work it out.

You can watch the clip of Jan’s appearance at CNN’s website.

Astbury Tripping or Zeppelin Fibbing?

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plant-180×210.jpgEvery right-thinking rock fan wants Led Zeppelin to play more dates than the single reunion gig that’s caused so much ballyhoo since its announcement last month. But Robert Plant says it’s highly unlikely and Jimmy Page is uncertain. Someone should give the icons a magic eight ball. But maybe Zep fans are being fed some fibs about the likelihood of a more extensive tour. Seems that Ian Astbury, tough-guy singer for the Cult, mouthed off about his band’s opening slot on a Zeppelin 2008 tour on stage in that rock ‘n’ roll paradise, Cincinnati.

Blast the new, 5.1 surround sound version, of The Song Remains the Same until the real beans about the tour are spilled from the Zep camp.

And here are 10 tunes that don’t get enough respect from Zeppelinites.