Every week we round up selections from the funniest and most brutal film criticism out there so that you don’t waste your cash at the theaters and laugh a little at Hollywood’s expense. This week: Love in the Time of Cholera, the film adaptation of Gabriel García Márquez’s renowned novel, is ham-fisted, absurd, and more than a little silly. It’s a lot silly.
“Those who have read Gabriel García Márquez’s glowing and sexy 1988 novel about one man’s grand love for a woman who marries another are bound to be peevishly disappointed by Love in the Time of Cholera. And those who haven’t read the book will now never understand the ardor of those who have — at least not based on all the hammy traipsing and coupling and scene-hopping thrown together here.” — Entertainment Weekly
“From the hoot-worthy dialogue (‘I don’t need a medical lesson.’ ‘No, this is going to be a lesson in love’) to the atrocious makeup, to the dead rats taped to the side of Hector Elizondo’s head, the entire thing’s a wreck. Unless it was trolling for sneering chuckles, in which case — success!” — The Village Voice
Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.
There was certainly not a shortage of babes at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Adriana Lima, Heidi Klum, Seal, Will.I.Am, Posh, the Hills girls, and Hayden Panettiere swam in the sea of models at this event.
Click for more Spice Girls and Angel Wings
This week New York invites the final six guys’ ex-girlfriends to the I Love New York 2 house, plus two of her exes, Chance and Real, to dig up dirt on the guys. Sneak peek this Monday’s episode now, tell us which guys are safe, and who will be dismissed. Comment now!
Wolf got the boot last episode. Did you forsee his fall?
Fallen but not forgotten
I Love New York Show Info
Episode 7 Sneak Peek
I thought it only appropriate to write to you about my favorite moments from last night’s episode of The Office, seeing as uber-genius Michael Scott would do the same. Who ever said diaries were only for women?! That’s what she said. Wait, what? I’ve confused myself again.
1. Well, my post-it note scheme has been outed by my hero. Not only does it make me feel cool to be receiving pretend phone calls, but nothing cheers me up like a picture of a peanut dancing on a post-it note. It just really makes faking phone calls thank much easier!
2. Jan could get $4 million in her lawsuit?! That IS a lot of guacamole. I’d eat it.
John Mayer has discovered what the rest of the world has known for years: he is a douchebag. John recently took to the Internet to bone up on himself (a douchey thing to do in itself) and the results were of profound self-discovery: “I’m kind of a douchebag. I got a little sick of myself…I’m insufferable,” he reports.
Of course, admitting that you’re a douchebag is a wholly non-douchey thing to do: self-awareness and douchebaggery cannot exist side-by-side. And so, by admitting this, John Mayer is more or less no longer a douchebag. Curses! Foiled again. [TMZ.com]
Lauren Speaks : “The Hills Is Real”
Don’t worry Lauren, as long as you keep fighting with Heidi we’ll watch no matter what. [Us]
Britney’s Got Big Botched Lips
Britney Spears has become a walking example of what happens when lip injections – and life – go bad. [TMZ]
Lance Denies Love for Olsen Twin
The biking star comes forward to officially clear up the air about his Olsen makeout sessions. Eh, we still believe the rumors. [Us]
Kanye Mourns Mom from London
Funeral Arrangements have been made for a memorial service as Kanye tries to mourn privately in London. [Us]
Spice Girls Back On Stage
Ten-years older, but just as sexy. Oh yeah – and still lipsyncing. Gotta make it last forever somehow! [People]
By now it’s clear that New York is the queen of VH1, but if you need more proof, look no further than the video below. It’s a clip of New York’s appearance on this week’s episode of Best Week Ever (which premieres Friday at 9/8c). New York’s segment, titled “Inside the Non-Actors Studio,” (non-actors because of the writers’ strike) features the reality diva riffing on defining moments of her I Love New York run. Leave it to New York to turn commentary on the writers strike into a discussion on toe-sucking!
- Watch a preview of the forthcoming The Beyoncé Experience DVD. And what kind of experience is it? Well, it’s like being really high while wearing a ton of fake hair. That is to say: magical. [CONCRETELOOP]
- Will Smith lands on the cover of Men’s Vogue with enough airbrushing to make him look like Beowulf. Beauty’s where you find it, indeed. [Sandra Rose]
- Amy Winehouse‘s beehive was searched when she went to visit her husband in jail. Little did the guards know that she was hiding a shiv in the space between her teeth. [Dlisted]
- Keyshia Cole reportedly refused to perform at a recent show because she was on the bill under Ne-Yo. Well, what’s the use of being a diva if you can’t act like one? [Crunk + Disorderly]
- Britney Spears‘ lip is really pink. No, not that one. [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
We were excited to the discover the
invitation Save the Date to Nicole Richie‘s baby shower, taking place this Sunday at a Beverly Hills mansion. It’s funny how different it was from the invitation Nicole sent for her Memorial Day party just six short months ago! For one thing, her shower invite is a whole lot classier than that Blackberry-sent email, and her upcoming bash comes complete with celebrity hosts (ie: “loving friends”), a fancy celeb DJ, and delicious foods such as sushi and lobster. Long gone are the threats of a weigh-in at the entrance and partying until the pals wake up with their pants “ripped open at the seams.” Yup, getting knocked up can almost make a party girl forget her reckless past, which is why we like to remember it as much as we can. Shots for everyone (except the mom to be, obvs)!
No, that guy is not my grandfather. It’s the Scottish sultan of sex, Sean Connery. Young’ins might not be familiar with his fine acting resume, but he’s best known as the original James Bond and the dude who first said “You’re the man now, dog.” Also, he’s damn sexy at just about every age. Which explains why it’s totally plausible that Sean lost his virginity at the age of eight, which is alleged in the new book “Where Do Nudists Keep Their Hankies?” Connery actually admits it, saying “I was 8, but I can’t recall with whom.” Spoken like a true aging pimp. You’re still the man, old dawg.
To give you a little perspective on what age group we’re talking about, we’ve outlined a few stars of Young Hollywood and matched them with older celebs who lost it at their age. Try not to gag. [Images: Getty/CBS]
Hey, it’s Dakota Fanning, 13 going on 14, and her lil sis Elle, age 9! Boning at Dakota’s age: Clint Eastwood, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis. Judging from the fact that these girls won’t be hot for another ten years, this feels fairly wrong.
Abigail Breslin, of Little Miss Sunshine fame, is so fresh-faced and adorable right? She’ll be 12 in April, which is when Don Johnson got his first taste of the lady snacks! The still-sexy Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi went for it at 13.
It’s Will Smith‘s mini-me, son Jaden! The Pursuit of Happyness starling clocks in at 9 years, so he’s OLDER than Sean Connery was for his first time. Something is really starting to feel wrong about all this! Let’s see what 8-year olds we can dig up here…
But of course – little Jimmy from Kid Nation! The adorable munchkin stole our cold hearts on the premiere of that borderline abusive show, but our love was cut short when he wailed, bailed and went home. The reason – homesickness, cuz ya know, the kid’s 8-years old. Gross Connery. Real gross.