Amy Crumbles: “Wait Til My Husband Gets Out”

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amy_winehouseRecently rehabbed Amy Winehouse is back onstage, but during the inaugural show of her 17-date tour, the bee-hived belter lost it — slurring her speech, threatening the audience and knocking into equipment. After appearing on stage 30 minutes late, the rehab-averse singer dedicated several songs to her recently incarcerated husband, Blake Fielder-Civil. When the audience tired of her constant references to Fielder-Civil (she changed “baby” to “Blakey” in some songs), Winehouse then addressed the audience as “monkey c*nts” and said, “Just wait till my husband gets out of incarceration. And I mean that.” Reviews from the show state that Winehouse forgot several lyrics to her songs and spent much of the time crying. British tabloid The Sun has the disastrous footage of the U.K.’s Britney Spears.

Trampled Under Foot: Zep’s Hidden Gems

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Certain Led Zeppelin tunes are played to death, and others languish in the background. Here are 10 that deserve to be spun a bit more often then they usually are. Whether you’re making a last ditch attempt to win tickets to the band’s reunion show, or getting psyched for next Tuesday’s DVD release of The Song Remains the Same, or hanging out watching earth-shaking videos, you should get familiar with the following 10 tunes. By the way, which Zep track do you think deserves more dap?

1. Black Mountain Side
This acoustic ditty from the band’s first album vibes like a jukebox raga, illustrating Jimmy Page’s other interest besides the blues: Celtic folk tunes. Played by Bert Jansch, the endlessly rippling tune was called “Blackwaterside.”

2. Living Loving Maid
We all know that the band liked to stretch the hell out of its songs – melodrama was its middle name. But for every “Dazed and Confused” there was a compact ass-kicker. The first album had “Communication Breakdown.” On the second, it’s this nugget.

3. Celebration Day
It’s the giddy side of the blues, with Plant singing the praises of New York street scenes and Page working the slide guitar like it was his own private joystick. Good helium vocals by the blond god on this III track.

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Natalie Portman Botches Soulja Boy Dance

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Natalie Portman: so sweet, so cute, so painfully awkward! Here she is on TRL, promoting her new movie when suddenly she gets thrown into learning the Soulja Boy dance with Soulja Boy as teacher, natch. Natalie’s a good sport about it, even if she can’t quite get her little legs to move though. At she looked awesome while flopping around on-stage attempting to do the superman. White dress and red shoes? Perfection! [MTV]

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Thursday: Alicia Keys Gets Diva-tude

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aliciakeys.jpgAlicia Keys Bails on Club Gig
The singer-turned-diva peaces out on a club appearance after promoters came up $4000 short of the promised $15,000 she was owed. This sounds more like Mariah than Alicia. Eek. [NYDN]

Mourning Kanye Cancels Show
The rapper has apparently canceled a scheduled performance at the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Sadness (for Kanye, not the models). [People]

Nicole & Joel Create Charity for Moms
The expecting rents have created a charity and are asking guests at their baby shower to make donations in lieu of presents. Finally, Nicole does something truly ‘hot.’ [Us]

Paris: Still Pole Dancing After All These Years
The pole is like her security blanket, she can’t be in a club without it between her legs. How cute. [NYP]

OJ Simpson Will Stand Trial
The Juice is gonna let loose in court for those Vegas robbery charges. Will he get off and go two for two? [CNN]

Blog Best-Of: Bobby’s Bow

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bobby_brown_links.jpg-Bobby Brown makes a triumphant return to the stage. I mean, just the fact that he could find the stage is a triumph, right? [Crunk + Disorderly]

- The biological mother of Angelina Jolie‘s adopted daughter Zahara reportedly wants her back. Well of course she does, now that Zahara’s a star. [Dlisted]

- Lindsay Lohan discovers the joy of scarves. The rest of the world will discover its own joy when Lindsay realizes they can also be used as gags. [CityRag]

- Kim and family pose for an In Touch shoot titled Thanksgiving With the Kardashians. At least you’d never have to choose between breast or thigh. [Jezebel]

- Paris Hilton buys another dog. Could this finally be the one to devour her in her sleep? [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]

[Image: Getty]

Gotti’s Word – Episode 5

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Irv Gotti has a lot of explaining to do, and explain he does: every week he gives us blow-by-blow commentary on the latest episode of Gotti’s Way. After the jump, Irv talks about getting back in the studio to produce records, Deb’s accusation that he’s a “bad example” for his kids, and his parents’ 51-year relationship.

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Fall Out Boy Talk Africa Shoot

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Pete Wentz and his band Fall Out Boy traveled to Africa to film the video for [deep breath] “I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You),” the disturbing and beautiful clip spotlighting the child soldiers of Uganda. The band’s bassist was keen to tell us all about the project, from how they shot it on the cheap to what got him interested in Africa in the first place. Check out Wentz and company on this Saturday’s Top 20 Video Countdown.

I was at a very high point of my own narcissistic anxiety when I first started taking an interest in Africa. There’s this program called Displace Me where people go to camps and sleep there, to empathize with the displacement camps in Uganda. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really feel that moved. It was only missing the s’mores. That was what really made me decide that we had to go to Africa. We met the kids [in the video] — we actually picked between a couple of kids. The boy was one of the ones I chose, the director chose the girl. The kids in the village we got to know. We would see them every day.

We shot it on the cheap — we really spent most of the money getting to Africa and donating what was left to [charity] Invisible Children, so the only thing we really spent money on was film. We built everything. [The sets] would not fly in the U.S. — we built all these gates and these different arms that would hold the camera. We only brought a four-man crew, and a group of Kenyans did our lighting for us.

I was worried that the concept was too dangerous to be played on video networks and I was worried that at points, the story would be hard to follow. I was worried that [standards] wasn’t going to pass the violence in the middle, and across the board they passed it.The first time Patrick watched it, he cried. When I look at different images, they’re upsetting for me. [In making of this video] I was really proud of how far everyone in the band had gone, because each person had their own personal limits, and everyone surpassed them.

Tila Tequila: “Let Them Eat Penis” (Ep. 6)

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Tequila, light of my life, fire of my loins.
My sin, my soul. Te-qui-la: the tip of the tongue
taking a trip of three steps down the palate
to tap, at three, on the teeth. Te. Qui. La.

– Matt and Jonathan, the VH1 Blog

Would you believe, Tila, that we wrote this poem for you? It should be as clear as the report of a rifle that we adore you, that we would never forsake you, that you belong with us. It should also be clear that your suitors can’t even gather the courage to eat a perfectly cooked piece of bull flesh in your honor. We’d expect more, at least from the lesbians. You asked the remaining ninnies in the house to “man up” while each eating a bull’s penis and testicles. Perhaps it was the anatomical arrangement of the flesh, pictured below, that made them so queasy.

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Surely, some of the men were eager to close their pretty lips around such privy parts. We remember Bobby, who won this genitals-eating competition, orally copulating a bottle in a recent episode. As for the rest, they would have fared better had they practiced mind over matter. Let’s look at how your suitors performed.

Like this (Brandi):

Brandi eating bull penis.

And this (Amanda):

Amanda eating bull penis.

And this (Steven):

Steven eating bull penis.:

And this (Venessa):

Veronica likes bull penis.

And, finally, this (Venessa, again):

Veronica likes bull penis.

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Celebrities Spice Up the Picket Line

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It was Bring a Celebrity to the Picket Line in Los Angeles yesterday, and tons of big stars were out to support the TV writers on strike. Everyone from Ben Stiller to Ray Romano and Sarah Silverman put on their sneakers and took to the streets, getting behind the folks that make them look good on screen. We picked out the big guns for you to browse through below.

Putting their pens down: Sarah Silverman, Kathy Griffith, Matthew Perry, Lisa Kudrow, Seth Green, Laura Linney, Minnie Driver, Lily Tomlin, Marg Helgenberger, Jason Alexander, Ben Stiller, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Ray Romano, Zach Braff, Donald Faison.

Tiny Girl, Big Voice, Bad Dance Moves

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Dear little dancing girl who loves to sing the Backstreet Boys in an off-key voice while waving her hands like she just don’t care what rhythm is,

Hey there. We are a lot older than you and therefore smarter by default (and thanks to some mortifying life experiences). Here is some sage advice: turn off the webcam. Place it into a pillowcase, along with your glasses, stripped sweater and computer. Get in your parents’ car (this is totally fine), drive to the closet lake (we’re guessing Erie), steal a boat (again, acceptable in this situation) and drive it out into the middle of the lake. Now dump everything in the water, make sure it falls far away to the bottom, turn around, drive the boat and car home, and never look back.

PS: Watch your language!
PPS: We love you.
[via BWE]