Lost: Christian Shephard’s Resurrection

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Like the black smoke monster in last week’s episode, this entire season of Lost has chugged along like a freight train. Last night’s “Something Nice Back Home” had an array of stories to tell. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with looking from side to side and taking in the lay of the land. It was kind of nice…quaint, even. But with a shorter than normal season, followed by a reduced number of post-strike episodes, a storytelling session is not what I was expecting.

Jack and Claire both got visits from Daddy, Jin pwned Charlotte, Kate scampered around in her skivvies, Claire left Aaron safely in a tree (huh?), Karl and Danielle took dirt naps, Hurley played the telephone game with Jack, Sawyer’s heart grew three sizes and Miles was still a douche. Let’s run this thing down:

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Beyonce’s Baby On Its Way!

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Holy crap everyone! A blog, Hollyscoop, has “learned exclusively through multiple sources that Beyonce is expecting.” OMG!!! This completely anonymous source assures the world that B is in her early stages and that everyone at their wedding knew the good news, however she won’t reveal it for a while because ya know, they’re super private. Except, of course, when it comes to talking to this anonymous source, natch, who also alleged that they had a shotgun wedding due to the pregnancy.

Wow! Guess what? I have an exclusive anonymous source (my cat) who can reveal that Britney Spears is going to be the democratic nominee for President and that Paris Hilton has gotten rid of her Bentleys and plans to ride horses around Beverly Hills in order to stop pollution! Oh, they’ve also give me an exclusive pic of Beyonce and Jay-Z‘s yet to be born baby decked out in Dereon (see above)! Anonymous sources are like super heroes, ya’ll. Totally amazing and 100% fake!

Coldplay Livin’ La Vida Loca

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This week Coldplay released the cover art for their upcoming album, Viva La Vida, which is just what the chaps have been doing since they were last in the spotlight (hanging with Kanye, living with a fox). In addition to the cover, we also snagged you the track list, which is after the jump. If you want to give their newest single a listen, head to Rhapsody and tell us what you think of “Violet Hill.”
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Richie Sambora Is NOT Your Next Rock of Love

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Recently, a rumor circulated that Bon Jovi’s Richie Sambora will be the next rocker to search for love on VH1′s Rock of Love franchise. We can report that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE. Every time Rock of Love ends, people start placing their bets on which rock star will be the next to publicly search for love. Until you hear officially from us, none of that is reality.

Are Mariah and Nick Married?

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mariah_married.jpgLatina is reporting that Mariah Carey‘s supposed beau Nick Cannon is not only her man for real, he’s now also her husband! Citing a source close to Nick, the site reports that Mariah and Nick wed yesterday on a small island in a “very impulsive” ceremony attended by Da Brat and some others close to the pair. Do you think maybe that this is all some big April Fool’s joke that’s arriving fashionably late?

Maybe that’s wishful thinking — as the shot to the left (from the set of Mariah’s 2005 video for “We Belong Together”) proves, Mimi is definitely the marrying type. This would be her second marriage (she divorced svengali Tommy Mottola in 1998) and Nick’s first, since he’s, like, 12. [Latina.com]

John Mayer Gets Hobby: Hair Growing

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With the spring here, people are coming out of their winter hibernations to greet the world with arms wide. Makeovers are a fairly standard endeavor, and John “He Gets the Joke, Really” Mayer is no different. This morning, Mayer took to his blog to alert his fans and detractors of the remarkable transformation he’ll undergo:

Today I set off on my newest project; to grow and maintain an authentic ’80s style feathered haircut. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for some time…

It’s nice Mayer’s getting to scratch this off his bucket list, while simultaneously stimulating Michael J. Fox’s Yahoo Hot List rating, but one can’t help but wonder what else Mayer could be doing with his time, or on a scale of one to ten, how pleased he is with himself.