Rock of Love: Laughing at the Guru

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What makes a rock star? Normally, that honor is reserved for those who are both famous musicians and possessed of a devil-may-care attitude toward life. In today’s Rock Star Moment, however, Bret Michaels shows a distinctly softer side, pairing loose cannon Kristy Joe (who was slightly more married than she let the Poison front man know) with Eastern Master Healer Satish Dholakia. Noting how distraught she is, the guru attempts to help settle her soul and bring her chakras back into alignment — a pretty hopeless endeavor, considering. He asks her if she’s ever seen a “crazy mountain.” She hasn’t, of course, but she’s shown all of us a mountain of crazy. Bless Bret. He’s such a kind man. It’s a sweet gesture, but is it very rock-star?

Kimora: Fabulosity and Scientology

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kimora_lee_simmonsLooks like Scientology is looking to recruit some fresh blood, and being that they’re an equal opportunity establishment, they’d like some African-American representatives to preach their gospel. According to Radar, Kimora Lee Simmons and Will Smith and his wife Jada are the latest couch-jumpers to join the ranks. Smith and his wife — longtime friends and photo opps of Tom Cruise — make sense, but Kimora? Apparently the recently sperminated Baby Phat founder distributed copies of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard’s The Way To Happiness at her kids’ school. Umm…inappropriate?

And speaking of inappropriate, or maybe just awkward, more evidence of Tom Cruise’s completely bizarro ways has surfaced in the form of his birthday video from a few years back. After a video montage with accompanying music to Tommy’s greatest scenes, Tom hops on stage for a
rousing rendition of “Old Time Rock And Roll.” Just goes to show kids: Scientology might make you famous, but it won’t make you any less tone deaf.

For clues as to who else in Hollywood is a Friend of Tom’s, check out our Sexy Scientologist flipbook.

Real World Stars Lookin’ Real Rough

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MTV threw some sort of Real World Awards Bash this weekend in La La Land, and the scene looked something like our teenage TV obsession on acid. All your favorites walked the red carpet, with some looking a little less glamorous than others (like Tanya, Trishelle and Shauvon, pictured above). Real World Las Vegas tar Trishelle donned her usual skanky get-up, but the result was more sad than sexy. Is it possible she’s getting – gasp! – old? Never fear, Malik and Lori – cast members from Season 10 who have wisely flown under the radar since their Real World stint – look hotter than ever. Peep the pics below.

[Pictured: Trishelle, Shauvon, Trisha, Tanya, Mallory, Danny and Melinda, CT, Brooke and Tanya, Paula, Arissa, Malik, Coral, and Lori, Beth, Sarah, Tyler. All images: Getty]

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Brit and Mel Gibson: Brand New BFF

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We’re not sure this counts as a comeback, but maybe it’s a step in some sort of direction (we hope the right one). Britney Spears was spotted out on the town having dinner with actor/loud-mouth drunk Mel Gibson. Seriously. The pair hit up the Romanov Russian Restaurant and Lounge in Studio City, and sources say Mel and his fam has befriended the troubled singer and that he’s been offering her advice based on his own mishaps. Someone on the inside reveals that, “He understands what she’s going through. And he certainly has advice on how to not let it destroy your life.” We can only imagine…

Mel: Britney, trust me. Your career isn’t ruined just because you made a fool of yourself in public. I mean, I got hammered and went nuts and Apocalypto was still an enormous hit. Bigger than Spider-Man.

Brit: Apoca-what?

Mel: It was a movie I made about the decline of Mayan civilization. It was profound, to say the least. Epic. It was nominated for an Oscar for Sound Mixing – hellooooo!

Brit: Well, I really liked The Man Without a Face. I thought you might look like that in person. I was kinda scared to meet you.

Mel: We should really get the check. C’mon sugar t*ts.

[TMZ/DListed]

Come As He Was: Cobain’s Shoes for Converse

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The good news? The new line of Kurt Cobain-inspired Converse sneakers is the first time the late singer’s estate has ever collaborated with a brand. Considering Cobain’s choice of footwear, it’s an appropriate one. The bad news? It’s not in the best of taste. The Nirvana front man was — very famously, in case you’ve forgotten — discovered dead while wearing a pair of Converse sneakers. At the time, the image of Cobain’s splayed feet came to represent the end not only of the singer, but also an era in American music and culture. Now that we fetishize these momentos and totems of rock ‘n’ roll become increasingly untethered from their original contexts (have you been to a Hard Rock Cafe lately?), not to mention musicians who use their celebrity as an opportunity to diversify into different fields to both hedge against their inevitable irrelevance and maximize their media exposure (where are the Kanye West sneakers, we’d like to know), such partnerships are absolutely run-of-the-mill. Thing is, you’d have to be a pretty depressing kid to own a pair of these suckers, we think. And if you’re an adult, clearly there’s a problem. For reference, see Jason Bateman’s character in Juno.

[Via Nirvana Club]

Mariah Brings Pain (And Panties?) to SNL

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You know how superstardom works – you can’t stay in one spot for more than a few minutes because you’ll get swamped with fans. Keeping the evening’s action moving is the subject of “Migrate,” the lead track from Mariah Carey‘s forthcoming E = MC2. From the the car to the club, from the party to the after-party, from after-party to the hotel – wonder what time Miss Thing goes to bed? She rolled through the tune on Saturday Night Live over the weekend, bringing out T-Pain to help with a little contrast. She wore pants to sing this ditty.

On the show’s other performance, she wore one of those patented Mariah micro minis that reveals all that gorgeous Carey real estate. Actually, there are some thong-lovers who say our girl revealed a bit more than that. She was singing a tune call “Touch My Body.” Mariah would never pull a Britney on TV would she? Watch the “Body” clip after the jump.

Read more…

Flavor of Love 3 Forecast: Who Should Be the Next to Go?

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Yeah boyeee! Flavor of Love 3 is on fire! Last episode the ladies were challenged to write bedtime stories for a group of kids. Read up on all the action here and tell us which ladies are safe and who you think Flav will dismiss next.

Still alive

Bee-Ex got the boot last episode. Did you forecast her fall?

Fallen, but not forgotten

Watch Flavor of Love 3 Monday, 9PM EST.

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Monday: Halle Berry’s a Baby Mama

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halle-mama.jpgHalle Berry Welcomes Baby Girl
Another adorable child is about to takeover Hollywood. Shiloh should be very scared. [TMZ]

Sam Lutfi Still Not Allowed Near Brit
The creepy hanger-on has been ordered to steer clear of Brit for another 30 days. Big sigh of relief! [TMZ]

Is Madonna Dumping Guy in 18 Months?
Madge apparently has an elaborate plan to announce her divorce and move back to NYC in 18 months, when he career can handle the split. [ShowbizSpy]

Eminem Working on New Bod, Album
The rapper might be makin’ a skinny comeback. Slim Shady, indeed! [NYP]

Lindsay Blabs About her Druggy Past
LiLo loves to talk about how she’s changed since her trio of rehab stints, but we don’t really notice a difference.