In most venues, the “green room” is where an artist waits to take the stage. But in The Next Great American Band, it also holds the trap door that drops the losers into oblivion. On Friday night, voters pulled the lever on The Hatch and The Light of Day. Did you hear their screams for help as they plummeted? Did you see their tears? Well, no big loss. Both outfits were mawkish and generic, and ultimately we knew they’d head home with their Strats between their legs. .
Friday’s show was about three things: band names, Elton John, and bad singing. Here’s the list.
Sixwire: The ersatz Eagles outfit adored by all three judges once called themselves The Remnants. Their version of “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” sounded like Kenny Loggins fronting REO.
Tres Bien: a fan once asked if their moniker meant “Three Beans.” Viewers know that it actually means “Garage Band version of the Turtles,” though Dicko rightly busted ‘em for pilfering a Yardbirds vibe.
Franklin Bridge: Evidently they’ve always been named FB, explaining that it’s a crucial connector that unites Jersey with Philly. Yawn. Their spin on 24-7 Spyz has some prog to it; nice to hear the funkateers getting their Yes on. Yours is no disgrace.
The Clarke Brothers: Early on, the twang sibs wanted to call themselves both Sasafras and Shotgun Wedding, but they stuck with the tedious surname approach. Their spin through “Country Comfort” gave Johnny Rzeznik “goosebumps.”
Light of Doom: The metal Hanson have always been Light of Doom. They even played a song called “Light of Doom.” And, god love ‘em, they haven’t a clue as to what the name might represent. They also haven’t a clue as to the real name of Elton’s lyricist. “Here’s a version of a song by Elton John and Bernie Poppin‘,” said the lead longhair before tearing into “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting.”
Mrs. Tom Cruise ran the New York City Marathon this weekend, finishing the race in 5 hours, 29 minutes and 58 seconds. Impressive! She may have come in 34,195th place, but she’s first place in Tommy’s heart, who noted that his wife’s strength was “amazing.” What’s more amazing are Katie’s strange running habits that seem to signal to us that she’s not quite human – or maybe, she’s more than human?
Exhibit #1: Katie appears to have run 26.2 miles without a bra. Ouch! The only people who are supposed to do this are men, Katie. Or, women who feel no pain. Robot women, perhaps?
Exhibit #2: Katie also ran her marathon in pants. Long black cotton pants. That chafe. In warm weather. Super human Lance Armstrong and friends wore running shorts, but non-humans can wear whatever they want, it seems!
Exhibit #3: Just hours after finishing the marathon, Katie was out on the town – in heels! – escorting her hubby to the premiere of his new film. Most people are in bed, passed out, or making out with a plate of spaghetti after running a marathon. Not Katie! She can do anything – because she’s not like most people. She’s not a person at all.
It only took us an entire weekend to get over the news. Still, we’re so shocked we can barely type. Christina.Aguilera.Is.Pregnant. Can you believe it?! The singer reveals all in the latest issue of British Glamour, saying that she’s “about to enter mommyhood.” We checked, and ‘mommyhood’ is not an LA nightclub. She may have made up a word, but we think she’s talking about becoming a mother! We didn’t see this one coming, so we’d like to wish X-Tina and her hubby and very happy pregnancy. In retrospect, that whole baby registry thing should have clued us in, and we weren’t really paying attention when Paris Hilton announced Christina’s good news in September. Perhaps we should have paid more attention to her growing belly too. How did we not see this one coming?! [Getty]
Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.
Rihanna, Celine Dion, Avril Lavigne, 50 Cent, Ciara, Mika, Shaggy, Akon, and Patti Labelle attended the World Music Awards in Monaco.
Sarah Michelle Gellar, The Rock, Bai Ling, and Michelle Trachtenberg hit the red carpet at the AFI Fest 2007 screening of Southland Tales.
Rachel Weisz, Elizabeth Banks, Shannyn Sossamon, Vince Vaughn, Jonathan Lipnicki, Ludacris, and the Rosso twins (in coordinating outfits, as per usual) strolled down the snow-covered red carpet for the premiere of Fred Claus.
T-Pain Turns Himself in to Police
That warrant for driving on a suspended license finally caught up with the rapper, who is back home after being released by the cops. [Yahoo]
Shia LaBeouf Gets Drunk & Arrested
The new Lindsay Lohan has emerged – and it’s a dude! How politically correct. [People]
Dog Chapman Booted Off TV
Say goodbye to the Bounty Hunter – A&E has pulled the show indefinitely. It’s not canceled – but it’s not on the air, either.
Britney’s Bad Parenting Skills
Oh now this makes sense – Brit left her kids in the car (monitored, but still) on one of her two visitation days while she went chandelier shopping. Surely the parenting coach has something to say about this! [DListed]
Oprah Finally Speaks About School
The talk show diva is devastated by her South African school’s drama, but is “learning” from the experience. That’s our Oprah! [TMZ]
This Sunday at 10 p.m. EST, VH1′s latest elimination show debuts: Called The Shot, the series pits 10 fashion photographers (pictured above) against each other in a competition to win $100,000 and the chance to shoot a campaign for Victoria’s Secret. The host and lead judge is Russell James, a world-renowned photographer who has captured images for Vogue, W, Elle, GQ and a host of others. We caught up with him to discuss what makes a good photograph and to get the inside track on what to expect. Interview after the jump.
What would you do with $102,000 a month? If you were Britney Spears, you’d spend it on “entertainment, gifts and vacations.” Drugs are expensive, ya’ll! The singer rakes in approximately $737,868 per month, so she can afford to spend over $10,000 on utilities for her mansions, $16,000 on clothes and about $50,000 on mortages. Wow – looking like ass is seriously expensive! She must take a vacation a week while wearing a new diamond space suit each day to spend that much, and sadly she still has millions left over.
K-Fed meanwhile, spends much less, but the guy’s living off of child support and the $5 a month he’s still pulling in from sales of his not-so-successful record Playing With Fire. On average he drops $2000 on clothes and $5000 on entertainment per month. He must know some cheap strippers!
But the most hilarious – and depressing – amount is what Little Miss Rich Pants and her ex give to charity. From that six figure number, Brit gives just $500 a month to her organization the Britney Spears Foundation. Kevin, on the other hand, gave nothing to help any causes, but isn’t that because he’s basically a charity case himself? [TMZ. Image: Getty]
Britney and Kim Talk Nonsense
Britney Waves Goodbye To Babies
Britney Pisses Off The Catholic Church
The story of Dog Chapman‘s super racist phone call to his son just got wayyyyy more interesting, as it turns out his son is the one who taped their conversation and sold it to the tabloids. Pay attention Jayden James – you could learn something from this guy! The bounty hunter spent the whole conversation bashing his kid’s African American girlfriend with totally crude language and a bevy of racial slurs – something that will surely lead a kid to rebel in the name of love and loyalty, right? Dog’s lawyer said of Tucker Chapman‘s sly move, “I guess because of whatever level of anger he had of his father, he felt the need to express it in that manner.” Did he?! Dog’s reputation and career is f*cked – whether or not it should be based on what he did is up for the masses to debate. Tucker works for his dad and is also featured on the show, so he’s either totally screwed or seriously liberated – and we’re totally enthralled. [AP. Image: Getty]
Dog The Bounty Hunter’s Racist Rant