Who Would You Rather: Pete, Carrot Top or a Cartoon Potato?

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We checked out pics of Pete Doherty leaving court today looking all sorts of messed up (and sober, natch) and kinda had to wonder – would we hit it? Probably not, though throw in a couple other seedy options and we might. So in honor of our favorite game Who Would You Rather, we ask YOU dear reader, who would you rather get with? Sober, chunk-faced zit master Pete, the prop-loving monstrosity Carrot top, or this adorable cartoon potato we found using Google Image Search? Our pick has dreamy green eyes! [Getty]

Tila Tequila, You Are This Week’s Most-Improved Player (Recap Episode 3)

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Tila Tequila

Finally, darling, you have returned to your senses. Oh, Tila, how worried we were that you’d developed neurasthenia, or a mental fugue, or an Adam’s apple! But, as you happily proved to us last night, none of these are the case. You are hale and healthy and still female, and finally (finally!) you are beginning to demonstrate the genius with which you first seduced us. That is to say nothing of your physical beauty. You were resplendent in your Daisy Dukes. You glowed like the dying embers of a once-great dwarf star in your shiny blue Rayon (or was it polyester?) negligee. Your eyes glittered like hard little dusty black marbles when you were assessing your suitors. Each of them failed you, we noticed. Each of them.

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What is Mariah Carey Thinking?

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Oh yeahhhh, girl. The doctor got my order right! I told him to make my forehead as smooth as this giant perfume bottle, and he did. He really did. That’s what millions of dollars can get you. I better get a couple of million for this stinky-ass fragrance. Seriously, I’m letting these fools put my letter on this bottle, so it better be good. Mental note – talk to lawyer guy about copyrighting the letter M. Also, butterflies. Oh – I also gotta talk to that smelly wild animal zoo keeper guy about installing butterfly garden in my bedroom. Ugh, this is too much to remember. My brain needs an assistant. Is that possible?

Check out more pics below from Mariah’s unveiling of her new fragrance, “M,” last night in NYC.

[All Images: Getty]

VH1 Reality Star: VH1 Reality Stars Are Washed-Up

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It’s murder! Or wait, is it suicide? Music honcho Irv Gotti, who’s being profiled on VH1′s just-launched sitautionality series Gotti’s Way, has spoken to the AP about the negative “stigma” that comes from appearing on a VH1 reality show. Says Irv:

They have a stigma that even if you do a show, once you do a show with them, you are corny and washed up. We are hoping with my show to change that stigma. That is something I openly talked about. I’m like, ‘Your stigma is pretty bad.’ Anyone who goes on VH1, you could very well have a hit show, but you are corny. You are washed up. With my show, they are directly trying to remove that stigma.

What do you think — does Irv have a point, or is he deluded by thinking he’s somehow better than the rest of VH1′s talent? Is this like the pot calling himself a pot, or what? [AP/Yahoo! / Image credit: Getty]

Anna Nicole Lives!

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Remember that video of an 8-months-pregnant Anna Nicole Smith wearing clown makeup and slurring that made the rounds soon after her death earlier this year? Well, now there’s more of it — the extended clip below features, among things, Anna playing with a doll and chalking her pregnancy up to gas. All the while, the 9-year-old daughter of her friend Ford Shelly pleads with Howard K. Stern to take the clearly toasted Anna to the hospital. It’s pretty chilling stuff. Howard recently appeared on Larry King Live, saying that the previously leaked 45-second clip was taken out of context and not a fair representation of Anna Nicole’s state. He’s right — it was a lot funnier when it wasn’t so damn sad.

Britney Spears Lives in Her Own World

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britney102407.jpg“Hi Britney. I’m your parenting coach. I’m here to watch you with your babies.”

“What babies?”

Surely that’s how the first meeting between Mama Brit and her parenting coach went – if you believe the latest report that her coach has bashed Britney in her report for the judge in her custody case with K-Fed. The coach’s complaints include:

  • Britney ain’t paying no attention to the coach and shows her little respect.
  • She’s often in “her own world,” distracted and unfocused.
  • She refuses to listen to anyone.
  • Britney’s secret language is made up of five words that each stand for: Frappuccino, Cheetos, car, tanning and get f**ked up.

An inside source claims the report is “very damaging,” but what isn’t these days when Britney is involved? Can it be any worse than her new lips? Doubtful. [Getty]

Paris’ New Flick: Date Movie for Serial Killers

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We’ve watched this clip a few times and still can’t quite make sense of what’s going on. Here’s what we do know: bad music, bad acting, bad plot and cheap, fake guts = BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR! Paris Hilton has totally made the right move with this one. After only a few seconds of seeing the trailer for her new flick, Repo! The Genetic Opera, I finally am taking her seriously. Serious about never seeing her act and sing in a black wig while wielding a knife. The only thing I am looking forward to is watching her and Mischa Barton battle it out for worst career choice of the year. At least that’ll be kind of hot. [via DListed]

Seal Has a Big Penis

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Heidi Klum got to see what she’d be working with right up front, when she first met her hubbylover Seal. On Thursday’s already-filed episode of Oprah, Heidi details her first encounter with the scarred singer:

I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow.

Why “wow”? For you see, Seal was wearing spandex shorts. “And I pretty much saw everything,” says Heidi. “The whole package.”

Suddenly their relationship makes so much more sense. I mean, you don’t really think she fell for him because of his face, do you? [People.com / Image credit: Getty]

About Last Night: Ultra Fresh Party Pics

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. About Last Night puts you in touch with all the action.

Tom Cruise basked in his movie star glory as he and Robert Redford attended the premiere of Lions for Lambs at the 2nd Annual Rome Film Festival.

Gwen Stefani, Ally Hilfiger, and Anna Wintour attended the “Stylist: The Interpreters of Fashion” Launch Party Hosted by Style.com.

Cate Blanchett and Heather Graham attended the UK premiere of Cate’s latest flick, Elizabeth: The Golden Age.

Wednesday: Nicole Kidman’s Pricey Flop

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nicolekidman1024.jpgHeidi Klum and Seal: Singing Together?
Just what we never wanted to see – Heidi Klum singing with her hubby. Next up: Seal aufs a bunch of designers. [Us]

Nicole Kidman’s Career in the Toilet?
With a bunch of bad films under her belt and her new fantasy flick (that cost $175 million to make) already getting trashed in the press, it might be time for Nicole to stop botoxing her face and stick a little juice in her career. [NYP]

Brit Leaves Back Up Dancers Unpaid
Big surprise – Britney still owes her VMA dancers some cash for their work. Starbucks is expensive ya’ll! [Us]

Baby Shiloh Travels in Style
Shiloh’s spoiled and has already seen more of the world in 17 months than we’ll see in our lifetimes. But at least our parents let us eat sugar cereals! [Ok]

The Many Faces of Lindsay’s New Man
Isn’t it cute how Riley Giles looks totally hot in every one of his four mugshots?! Zexy! [TMZ]