Every week we re-cap Monday night’s Hills episode with a series of haiku poems about the show. Add your own masterpieces in the comments section below. As a bonus this week, we’ve added a video of Heidi Montag freestyling on TRL yesterday. It’s almost as horrific as her new clothing line, which should tell you a lot.
Haiku #1: Speidi
Heidi is SO mad.
Like really f*cking mad, you guys.
Where’s the camera?
Haiku #2: People’s Revolution
Kelly Cutrone can
take her job offer and shove it-
I mean, I accept!
Haiku #3: Girls Night
Audrina’s deep thoughts:
Yeah, like, me too, I know, yeah,
Me too! Totally.
Remember when Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were BFF? Well not anymore! Though the two have remained mum on their pal-split thus far, Paris did reveal her feelings about Kim’s notorious ass on a Vegas radio show, when asked if she’d rather have Jessica Simpson’s rack or Kim’s butt. “It reminds me of cottage cheese inside a big trash bag,” she snipped.
Yep, spoken like a true former friend. After the cruel (but kind of hilarious) insult leaked onto the web, the heiress freaked and called Kim to apologize. “I was just joking around and I made a stupid joke,” Paris told In Touch. “I felt really bad afterward, so I contacted Kim and apologized. It was a silly thing to say. Kim’s hot!”
We’d love to see what kind of nasty shizz Paris dishes when she’s not joking. Hopefully I can become her BFF and find out! Vote for me and help me win a chance to be Paris Hilton’s best friend. Please!? I’ll diss your butt if you don’t.
Not only are the Kooks an incredibly talented indie rock outfit, they’re also really nice guys. So nice, in fact, that they’re giving you — for free! — the first single off their album Konk, out today. To find out more about the skinny-jeaned chaps, check out the interview we did with them about the road, Courtney Love, and drinking until they pass out.
Paris Hilton is on the prowl for a new best friend, and our peeps over at MTV are helping her mission out with a new reality show that weens out the pals who can hang from the hanger-ons. And this here blogger wants in! I am a lover of all things Paris and am willing to fight a stable of other fabulous wannabes to be at her side (platonically, natch). Paris and I both have size 11 feet and love animals to a fault. What more is there to know? We’re meant to be BFFS!
You can vote for me at the ParisBFF casting site and visit my website, ParisandKateForever.com, for continuous coverage of my quest. And if for some ghastly reason I do not make it on the show as a contestant, I will be bitterly recapping the episodes here on The VH1 Blog each week. But she better watch her back! If she leaves me out of her new clique, there will be hell to pay! I may be an excellent friend, but I’m an even better frenemy.
Vote for me!
Love & kisses & lost chihuahuas,
|Editor’s Note: Entries are no longer being accepted. The submissions phase ended April 24 at noon (EST). Check back soon to read the winning poems.
Anyone can go to see a superstar in a huge venue — that’s easy. But it’s a rarity to catch the queen of pop in a much cozier joint. If you’re a Madonna fan and a decent poet, you’ve got a shot at making this dream come true. Our “4 Lines To See Madonna” contest is all about celebrating the arrival of the singer’s new Hard Candy on April 29. We’ll select two winners, and they’ll each get a pair of tickets for an exclusive performance at New York’s intimate Roseland Ballroom on April 30.
Here’s the deal: you submit a four-line poem about Madonna in the comments section below. It can rhyme, not rhyme, be about her fashion sense, be about a song, or be about a particular era of her storied career. Hey, it can be about any aspect of Madonna’s life that moves you. We’ll check entries through noon of April 24, and decide on two winners. Transportation to NYC is not provided. But once you’re here, there will be two tickets waiting for you.
Feel free to submit more than one entry. We’ll contact the winning poets on April 25 via the email that you include on the “Mail” field of the comments section. (This email will not be made public.) Download the official rules here. You’ll be judged on outrageousness, musical knowledge, and crazy-ass rhymes. Need an example to get you started? You got it.
You’ve sung about sex and spiritual stuff
You’ve proven for years that you take no guff
Now that you’re in the Rock Hall of Fame
Everyone knows, that girl you’ve got game.
Check another example after the jump.
And then watch the Rock of Love 2 reunion, airing 9/8c on Sunday, to find out how the hell this happened.
People, heed these words:
The Thing Isn’t
And so, Thing 1 bids a tearful goodbye to Flav. Do you think she’s sadder to say goodbye to him or her sister? Also, Prototype leaves. We hardly knew her, but she was hot, right?
A fight has broken out regarding Thing 1′s last time with her ex. Can her not-at-all-distant past be held against her? Should Flav even care about what she did before she entered the mansion?
For doing so well in the Neverwed Game, Tree gets a solo date with Flav. But were she and her ex too close? And how about that outfit she’s wearing? Huh?
Doin’ That Thing
Thing 1′s ex alleges that they hooked up a month ago — and she’s been on the show for a month! Should this matter?
Seezinz’s Out Posted at 9PM EST
Seezinz gets to sit out of today’s challenge…because she wants to. WTF?
Add this to the list of things we NEVER wanted to see Erin Moran do:
Why couldn’t she have just hula hooped and left it at that? Below the jump, we count down our Top 5 Favorite Moments from this week’s Celebrity Fit Club, including Erin’s O Face and Dustin’s diva meltdown. It’s so good it should be a federal crime!
Victoria Beckham, the former Spice Girls singer who crossed over into the fashion industry, has been dumped by U.S. stores after weak sales of her line of jeans. Los Angeles-area boutique owner Fraser Ross cites one possiblereason for the break up: “A celebrity line is no different from an album or a tour. It has to be promoted to sell.” This may be true. But Fraseris missinga crucial point: Posh would have to actuallybefashionable to successfully promote a fashion line. Take a look at some ofher most hideous looks below. Would you buy clothes from this woman?
The Space Traveler Look:
The MilkCow Look:
The My BreastsAre Weapons Look:
The Ming Dynasty Fan Club Look:
The I Only Eat 900 Calories a Day Look:
Moreafter the jump: