Foxy Brown’s Awesome Excuse to Ditch Jail

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foxybrown0108.jpgFoxy Brown is a genius, seriously. Her latest attempt to get out of jail involves her ears–which she should have used to listen to the judge back when she was put on probation. Had she done that–and behaved herself–she probably wouldn’t have ended up in jail in the first place. But alas, Foxy’s Blackberry-hurling ways landed her behind bars for a year, and now she’s written to the judge, attempting to get released early so that she can fix her on-again off-again hearing problem. Say what?

“I ask you to please take into consideration that my health is in jeopardy. Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues.”

Or her inner ear. The only doctor who’s had success treating Foxy is in California, obvs. That’s where her lawyer wants her to head. He told the judge, “If her hearing is damaged any further . . . it will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood.” Seeing as her livelihood prior to her incarceration was causing mayhem by throwing sh*t at people, we think Foxy’s probably fine just where she is.

Eddie Murphy and Not-Wife Split

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eddie_murphyOnly two weeks after their wedding, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds are separating. You know its bad when you can’t even make a marriage last longer than Pam Anderson. In a statement released on the heels of their “spiritual ceremony” in Bora Bora, the couple have decided to forgo getting legally married and “remain friends.” Sources who attended the wedding say that Murphy “started yelling at Tracey in front of people. He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing.” But was that the final straw that sent Edmonds packing? We speculated as to what the real reasons were:

* Eddie’s insistence on wearing The Nutty Professor fat suit to bed

* His habit of ending fights with “I was in Beverly Hills Cop III!”

* Martin Lawrence sleeping on the couch

* The post-op tranny room

* Repeated threats of recording a follow-up to “Party All the Time”

* His Shrek shrine

* Norbit 2

Cloverfield Monster Revealed, Bad Breath Implied

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cloverfield.jpgThe fine minds over at New York magazine’s Vulture blog have pointed to a clip of the monster from Cloverfield, J.J. Abrams’ super-secret disaster film opening tomorrow. The movie’s shot from the point of view of a group of people who are on the streets of Manhattan when the thing attacks — and not, say, filmed from the lofty vantage of the president, newspaper editor-in-chief and five-star army general. It’s filled with shaky, hand-held footage and apparently offers a disturbingly real vision of New York City post tragic disaster. While that might be fun for the movie people in L.A. (and, indeed, everywhere else on Earth), us New York people are a little skittish about, you know, the End Of The World. Maybe that’s because we’ve become friendly with the guy who wears the placard that reads “The End Is Nigh!” all the time, seeing as how we hang out with him sometimes on our lunchbreak and discuss politics, Revelation, print-making, etc. Regardless, if you want to poison your mind with visions of the beast, click here. If not, steer clear of this post — and theaters this weekend.

And by the way, this isn’t the first time a monster or an alien or a terrorist tried to ruin NYC. Have fun checking our list of previous attempts.

American Idol Day 2: January 16, 2008

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Auditions: Dallas

We rejoin American Idol at the scene of its prior triumph, the Lone Star State. Six seasons ago, Idol’s one bona fide success, Kelly Clarkson, rose from the anonymous ranks through the Dallas auditions to a win spot in America’s heart and on her radio. With 13,000 people gathered to test their merit, Dallas was rife with lessons for the aspiring Idol-ologist.

Class is in session!

Read more…

My Fair Brady 3: Maybe Baby, Definitely Awesome

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We’ve just checked out the first episode of My Fair Brady 3 and the good news is: Adrianne and Chris are still in love! But this time around there’s a little bit more fighting, a lot more love, some boob issues, sexy girl-on-girl moments and an ongoing debate over Adrianne’s lust for chicks. And maybe a baby! What could be better?

The show hits the air on Sunday, January 20th at 10:30 p.m. EST. If seeing Adrianne naked doesn’t make you tune in, Chris’ constant adorable reactions to her antics should:

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Seriously, we love these guys.

Last Night’s Pics: Lindsay Lohan & Lauren Conrad

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. Last Night’s Pics puts you in touch with all the action.

Apparently young Hollywood likes their monster movies. The red carpet at the Cloverfield Premiere in Los Angeles was loaded with starlets such as Lindsay Lohan, Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Kristin Cavallari, Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Ashley Tisdale.

Tom’s Latest Creepy Scientology Moment

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Just when we were getting sick of Tom Cruise‘s intense gaze and sci-fi slang, comes a new video of the actor winning the IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in some Scientology auditorium or temple surrounded by fellow worshippers worshipping him. What an honor! If you enjoy strange salutes, inside jokes, and eerie calls to arms made by movie stars with massive egos, then this is totally your thing. So my fellow SPs, enjoy this clip quickly before it’s snatched off the web by Xenu. LRH would want you to!

Updated: All six of the juicy Tom Cruise Scientology Videos can be found here in order. Did you know Tom Cruise is singlehandedly responsibly for saving and curing the firemen who fell ill after rescuing people at the World Trade Center on 9-11? Watch and learn!

Thursday: Paula Prepares to Suck at Super Bowl

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paula-abdul.jpgPaula’s Superbowl Show a “Massive Disaster”
Insiders are saying Paula’s half time show is gonna straight up suck. But America will watch because she’s forever our girl. Rush, rush to your TV! [TMZ]

Amy’s Hubby Ready To Divorce
Her man threatened divorce after a major fight. Has Blake finally gotten off the drugs and wised up in jail? [DListed]

Ashley Olsen Sucks Jared Leto’s Face
Well-dressed troll + rocker a-hole = love. Awwww. [Us]

Oops! Someone Pissed off the Scientologists
Tom Cruise’s church is laying on the legal BS after Gawker posted this video of Tommy ranting, claiming copyright infringement. [Gawker]

K-Fed’s Lawyer Talks Up his Client
Kevin’s suit is claiming that Brit’s Ex wants to raise their kids together. Don’t lie, Kev. We’d be stoked about sole custody too. [People]

Britney Spears’ Worst Idea Yet

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britneyokcover2.jpgBritney’s Daily List of Dumb Things to Do Today

  1. Sleep with the married photographer that used to stalk me after only knowing him for 26 days.
  2. Get knocked up with his baby because I miss my kids so much after screwing up that whole custody thing. Yeah, that was pretty dumb of me.
  3. Eat a delicious, nutritious dinner of chocolates and tiny bottles of Zinfandel.
  4. Oh, I almost forgot — get engaged to my creepy boyfriend so I can look at his sexy goatee forever!
  5. Go out to buy a pregnancy test in public; let his photo agency take pics of the shopping trip and sell them.
  6. Drive by Kevin’s house at 3 a.m. high on Taco Bell.
  7. Light a cigarette in the car with a giant kitchen lighter.
  8. Not shower, again.