Snoop Steps Into Time Machine, Wanders Into Bob Guccione’s House

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There’s something distinctly art-porn about Snoop Dogg’s new video. “Sensual Seduction” combines elements of ’70s Penthouse, the styling of Caligula and the makeup artistry of all the Solid Gold dancers. It’s a seductive, tongue-in-cheek skewering of . . . well, we don’t really know what he’s skewering, so there’s a chance he might actually have made this in earnest. Regardless of Snoop’s intent, the end results are beautiful. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’re off to buy some Vaseline to smear on the lens of our Super-VHS.

Blog Best-Of: Kim’s Claim

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lilkim_links.jpg- Lil’ Kim‘s new mixtape proclaims her G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time). To that I say: baaaah! [CONCRETELOOP]

- Brad Pitt says he won’t be filming anymore nude scenes. So, he won’t be making a cameo in the forthcoming porno spoof Ocean’s Thirt-Peen, I take it? [Dlisted]

- Beyoncé reportedly stumbled out of a New York restaurant. I don’t think she was drunk; I think she was just dancing. [Sandra Rose]

- Keyshia Cole shows up at 106 & Park wearing, basically, a fur bodysuit. But I’m much more concerned about the animal that’s holding court on her head. [Crunk + Disorderly]

[Image: Getty]

Paris Wants a Baby to Play With

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paris-nicole.jpgMen – guard your sperm. Paris Hilton like, REALLY wants a baby. And for all the right reasons, too! To dress the thing up in pink, carry it around in her purse and force it to play with Nicole Richie‘s baby! Paris recently said, “Nicole and I have been playing together since we were two years old.I was just telling her, ‘I want a baby so that our babies can play together.’”

At that rate their kids will be enemies by the time they’re five years old. At least Paris is smart enough to realize that she can’t make a baby happen without a friend: “I don’t have a boyfriend right now,” she revealed. “But I would love to start a family.” She also tells People that she plans on popping some babies out in two years, which means she kinda needs to get things going. We wonder what she has in mind for the playdates? Tiny tables for the babies to practice walking dancing on? Thong diapers? Spelling the words Mommy Was In Jail with blocks? Yep, Paris is right, it’d be seriously awesome if she was pregnant right now so this could totally happen. [Image: Getty]

Fashion WTF: Katie Holmes is Bangin’

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Hey Katie – this was was a realllllllly bad idea. The hair, not the husband – though you might want to reconsider that too. We’re a little put off by your shimmery, gold sweaterlette, but since it matches your man’s award, we’ll let it go (and then buy the knock-off of it at Forever 21 in a few months, natch). [Image: Getty]

R. Kelly May Be Dating a Teenager (Again)

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rkelly.jpgIt’s no secret that R.Kelly has a thing for the young ladies (R.I.P Aaliyah), but rumors are currently flying that R’s publicist quit on his ass after discovering that he was getting busy with her nineteen year old daughter. Regina Daniels stopped repping the eccentric (we’re being nice) singer after 14-years together, and when she left she released this statement:

“Though I have a great appreciation for Mr. Kelly as an artist, there are some lines that should never be crossed professionally or personally. Mr. Kelly crossed a line that forever altered the scope of our relationship. For this reason I made the decision to resign.

My husband, music retailer George Daniels, has also disassociated himself from Mr. Kelly.”

Damn! Now pics have surfaced that show Kelly getting close to a young woman reported to be Daniels daughter; though anonymous sources that seem to support the superstar singer have come forward to counter that the woman is actually Daniels’ step-daughter, and say she’s 21-years old. They also allege Daniels left her position because she wronged Kelly by revealing private info about her client. The plot just keeps thickening! We’re all sorts of confused (we’ll just wait for more pics to come out!) but at least we’ve figured out where Kelly gets his inspiration for the Trapped in the Closet series. Here’s a hunch – maybe Daniel’s daughter is really Rosy the nosy neighbor (neighbor… neighbor…)?

Kim Kardashian Lies Her Way to the Top

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kardashians-1129.jpgNo, we’re not talking about lying on her back, though she does that too. The matter at hand is Kim Kardashian, her sister Kourtney, and the $50,000 worth of jewels and computer goods they said was stolen from them at JFK airport earlier this month. Turns out the cops don’t think anything actually went down! They have yet to receive an actual police report of a theft, which means that if Kim did get all that crap taken, she doesn’t care too much about it – something we find hard to believe. Afterall, what girl doesn’t desperately need her Cartier watch? The feds think the whole thing is a publicity stunt, to which we say, “Obviously, friends!” I mean, this whole thing has “I want to be Paris Hilton, or at least Nicole Richie” written all over it. I bet it took Kimmy and Kourt the whole six hour flight to figure it out.

KK: Um like, should we fake our own deaths to get more famous?
KK: No you ass, then we’d have to like, disappear for good. Can I use your lip gloss?
KK: Oh! I’m so dumb. I should eat something, that might help my brain work.
KK: Let’s pretend to go missing!
KK: That’s like, the same thing.
KK: Oh.
KK: (fart)

The VH1 Blog Interview – Pickel

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“I had to overcome adversity. I wasn’t even cute in high school,” says Pickel during our interview with him. And there’s so much more where that came from. After the jump, Pickel talks about his fear of Mary Alice, his infatuation with Aussie Rachael and his supposed mancrush on Brett.

Read more…

Last Night’s Pics: Ashley Olsen & Lance Armstrong

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. Last Night’s Pics puts you in touch with all the action.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were photographed separately as they arrived to the Grand Reopening Of The New Museum Hosted by the Calvin Klein Collection. Ali Larter, Thandie Newton, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julianne Moore, and Piper Perabo were also on the red carpet.

The 75th Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony was chock-full of entertainment. The performers included Ashley Tisdale, Natasha Bedingfield, Sean Kingston, Josh Groban, Tony Bennett, and Joey Fatone.

Britney Strips & Shoplifts at Dildo House

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britney-spears-shoplifts.jpgWhat do you normally do on a Sunday night? Eat some leftovers or Chinese takeout, catch up on Curb Your Enthusiasm and head off to bed, right? But if you happen to be Britney Spears (which thankfully, is not the case), you trot your bad self to the Hustler sex toy shop in West Hollywood to try on some slutty underwear in the middle of the store. On November 18th Brit apparently loaded up on some panties at the shop and headed to the dressing room, but was told she could not try on the items. Now, for most of us adult humans this is a logical and obvious clothing store rule that anyone who’s ever had to buy underwear knows well. But maybe this was Brit’s first time? Her solution was to have a meltdown, after which she “took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.” After being told she couldn’t strip and flash her vag in the middle of the store, Brit replied, “Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!”

Oh logic, how Britney must miss you. B*tchy Brit bought the underwear (but not before she rolled her eyes at having to pay) and then stomped out of the store, grabbing a wig of a mannequin’s head on the way out. Yes, just like that rich girl you went to high school with who loved to steal bras from the local department store, Britney shoplifted and then rolled away in her Mercedes. Staffers at the Hustler store said talking to Britney was like “dealing with a child,” and alleged that she “looked out if it.” We’d hate to see what would happen if she was aware and perky. [Us Weekly. Image: Getty]