Party On, Corey

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On Tuesday we sang the praises of the beer-loving Aussie dude who dismayed his ‘hood with a wild-ass college-age throw-down, and earned himself some Net notoriety when he stood tall against a haughty news anchor who tried to discipline him on camera. A lesson was learned by stoner rebels everywhere: if your glasses are “famous,” keep ‘em right on your nose.

So did our man Corey Worthington shrink away and mumble apologies to family and friends once the dust settled? Hell, no. He dodged his parents, accepted more interviews and set up his next bash. Currenly he is mulling over sizable hosting fees, a la Linds and Brit.

What kind of music you think Corey Worthington listens to?

CSI: La Lohan Morgue Edition

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Lindsay Lohan will never drive drunk get caught drunk driving again. She’s about to be scared straight thanks to her court-ordered punishment for all that drunk driving and coke rage last summer. Lindsay will be spending two days working at a morgue, followed by two days working in a hospital emergency room. Sounds like she might want to leave her leggings at home and rock some scrubs for a week! We did a little research and Google image searched ‘morgue,’ and holy sh*t was that a bad idea. If we can freak out just from a couple of thumbnail-sized pics, we have a feeling Lindsay is gonna be quakin’ in her Louboutins. At least she gets to be scared in fancy shoes.

Each of Brit’s Personalities Deserves an Obit

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britneypersonalities011808.jpgYou may have heard that Britney Spears is allegedly suffering from–among other numerous things–multiple personality disorder. She’s got a few Britneys that can pop out at any time, including the British Girl, the Weepy Girl, the Diva and the Incoherent Girl. They sound like the scariest girl clique ever. Seeing as the Associated Press has already written Brit’s obituary in case she kicks the bucket (how classy of them), we’ve penned obits for each of the Britneys that exist, in hopes that maybe a new, singular personality can emerge: Normal Girl.

Diva, Who Looked F*cking Hot in a No Underwear, Passes Away at 26
Diva was hot and sexy and didn’t give a crap what you thought. She doesn’t care if you’re reading this obituary or not. She leaves behind numerous people who can f*ck off and go to hell: her ex-husband Kevin Federline, his lawyers, her lawyers, her parents, her knocked up sister, all her ex-assistants who sold their stories to Us Weekly, President George W. Bush, Kermit the Frog, Candace Cameron and the entire cast of Full House, and her dog, London.

Incoherent Girl, Who Like Y’all What! Hey?, Gone at 26
Oh my word–this butter dip is amazing. Incoherent Girl got some new shoes and they look like tree trunks floating on marshmallows down a river of bread crumbs! There is a cat on your head. Let’s remember that time she accidentally peed her pants on a cruise ship–whoops! It sure is cold in here, y’all. Read more…

Pussy(cats) Galore: Brit, Kim, Eva

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Liz Smith says that Quentin Tarantino wants to remake Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Of course he does. What maestro of pop cheese wouldn’t? A trio of busty hotties spewing anger around the Cali desert, busting jujitsu moves on the hapless males that cross their path? It’s a must for anyone into frenzied aggression and woeful scripts. Russ Meyer knew what time it was when he sent those hot-headed strippers out on a Mojave rampage.

But Tarantino’s got a twist, natch. There no room for his girl Uma in this baby. Q sees three fine actresses positioned as the cleavage queens. Say hello to Kim Kardashian, Britney Spears, and Eva Mendes. Brit and Eva can duke it out over who they’ll play, but we know Kardasshian is a shoo-in for the Turo Satana role (even though our graphic is lobbying for Mendes). Once an alpha brunette, always an alpha brunette. Here are a couple of clips to remind you just how wondrous the original film actually is. And one to remind you of Eva’s lusty ways.

Yes, this is all pie-in-the-sky cocktail party talk, but we wish it was opening this weekend. Sounds like it would be a lot more fun than Mad Money. Go, baby, go!

Hey Lindsay – Your Old Hair Called, It Wants You Back

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We get it Lindsay, you’re a movie star. You’re Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot‘s love child. But something ain’t right. Yellow plastic isn’t a good look for you, and frankly, we liked the luxurious red locks better. You remember – your natural hair color, but dyed to make it look even better. So here’s some photographic evidence for you to take a look at. Go ahead, decide for yourself. But let us ask just one thing – would you rather look like a Housewife of Orange County OR would you rather have orangey-red hair? The choice is yours (and is obvious).

PS - You might want to try out another pose other than ‘bitch face’. Kisses!
PPS - We’ll talk about the fake tan next week.

The Good:

And the Bad (and Ugly):

[All images: Getty]

Mariah And Her Hat

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Listen up, lambs! Mariah‘s back with a new album, wearing nothing but a hat. Mariah’s follow-up to The Emancipation of Mimi is slated to drop in April, and the album cover and title have allegedly leaked. Called That Chick, Mariah stated in early January that she hadn’t yet arrived at an album title and hinted that it might be “the exact opposite” of Mimi. British site Discopop alleges they got a listen, and revealed track titles like “Migrate,” “Lovin’ You Long Time,” “Touch My Body” and “Bye Bye.”