Last Night’s Pics: Ashley Olsen & Lance Armstrong

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Movie premieres, awards shows, benefit concerts, and plain old clubbin’ – even though most of us are at home, the beautiful peeps are living it up somewhere. Last Night’s Pics puts you in touch with all the action.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were photographed separately as they arrived to the Grand Reopening Of The New Museum Hosted by the Calvin Klein Collection. Ali Larter, Thandie Newton, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julianne Moore, and Piper Perabo were also on the red carpet.

The 75th Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony was chock-full of entertainment. The performers included Ashley Tisdale, Natasha Bedingfield, Sean Kingston, Josh Groban, Tony Bennett, and Joey Fatone.

Britney Strips & Shoplifts at Dildo House

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britney-spears-shoplifts.jpgWhat do you normally do on a Sunday night? Eat some leftovers or Chinese takeout, catch up on Curb Your Enthusiasm and head off to bed, right? But if you happen to be Britney Spears (which thankfully, is not the case), you trot your bad self to the Hustler sex toy shop in West Hollywood to try on some slutty underwear in the middle of the store. On November 18th Brit apparently loaded up on some panties at the shop and headed to the dressing room, but was told she could not try on the items. Now, for most of us adult humans this is a logical and obvious clothing store rule that anyone who’s ever had to buy underwear knows well. But maybe this was Brit’s first time? Her solution was to have a meltdown, after which she “took off her own underwear before trying on a pair of boyshorts (with “Barely Legal’ stitched across the rear end) in the middle of the store while 15 other customers looked on.” After being told she couldn’t strip and flash her vag in the middle of the store, Brit replied, “Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!”

Oh logic, how Britney must miss you. B*tchy Brit bought the underwear (but not before she rolled her eyes at having to pay) and then stomped out of the store, grabbing a wig of a mannequin’s head on the way out. Yes, just like that rich girl you went to high school with who loved to steal bras from the local department store, Britney shoplifted and then rolled away in her Mercedes. Staffers at the Hustler store said talking to Britney was like “dealing with a child,” and alleged that she “looked out if it.” We’d hate to see what would happen if she was aware and perky. [Us Weekly. Image: Getty]

Pam Anderson To Enjoy Sex-Filled Retirement

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pam_andersonSay it ain’t so! Part-time magician’s assistant and full-time bathing suit wearer Pam Anderson recently stated in an interview that she’s considering retiring in the next five years. “I get offers to do movies and TV all the time. I say no to everything. Drives my agent crazy,” Anderson said, who divides her time between Starbucks and PETA events. So what does this mean for our face time with the beloved bombshell from the north? We suspect beach shots of Anderson in a white bikini, another sex tape and an inevitable divorce will keep her in the public consciousness.

Anderson, who recently married Paris Hilton-pornographer Rick Solomon, told USA Today that she’s the happiest she’s ever been, staying in “every night. Having sex.” And no doubt participating in their shared pastime of filming it.

Anderson also stated she looks forward to the curtain closing on the Vegas magic production she’s presently in, when she’ll return to Los Angeles to help out in her fourth grade son’s as “Multiplication Mom.”

Kim & Hef Make Out At The Mansion?

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You know how it is in Hollywood: parties galore. And sometimes the beautiful people get a little carried away. Especially at hedonistic hide-outs like the Playboy Mansion, and especially when the guest list is crammed with celebs like Kim Kardashian. Our new Web ‘toon, The Misadventures of Bob Paparazzo, imagines what might happen if KK enjoyed an evening with HH, lounging in the grotto, and smooching at the zoo.

Would you like to see pics of such activities? So would most of the world. But something always goes wrong when our newest hire snaps his shutter. Check it out.

Tay Zonday Sells Out

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We knew the pure, weirdo internet magic of Chocolate Rain couldn’t last forever. Here’s Tay Zonday‘s latest internet video for some new drink from Dr. Pepper. The drink – which apparently is some sort of cherry chocolate concoction – sounds like it will rot your teeth with one sip. Now that’s about as American as becoming famous off the internet! Ugh, these sweet fifteen minutes are starting to feel like months. Time check, anyone?

Thursday: Britney Denies Baby Rumor

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britney-1129.jpgBritney: “I’m Not Pregnant, Ya’ll!”
Let’s all breath a big sigh of relief that there’s no new Spears on the way. Phew. [Us]

Jessica Simpson Regrets Divorce
Whoops! Maybe she should have thought about what kind of boyfriend John Mayer would be before she dumped her loyal meathead ex. [Us]

Helio Gets with Dancing Partner
The only thing that redeems this random dude winning Dancing with the Stars is that he just dumped his fiance for his 19-year old dancing partner. [NYDN]
Imus: Back on the Air – And Pissed!
Look out! If you crossed Imus you’re gonna hear about it Monday morning when the disgraced radio diva gets back on the air. [NYP]

Jake and Reese Join Mile High Club?
These two, touch? Eh, we’re sure they were just doing dull things like reading and sharing moisturizer in there. [D Listed]

Gotti’s Word – Episode 6

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Irv Gotti has a lot of explaining to do, and explain he does: every week he gives us blow-by-blow commentary on the latest episode of Gotti’s Way. This week is all about necessary evils. He elaborates on his decidedly unique marriage, he talks about Ja Rule and Ashanti’s albums being pushed back, and he explains why he’s often forced to miss out on valuable time with his kids.

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Lindsay Lohan Hits the Studio, Possibly Bottle

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lindsay_lohanWhat better way to celebrate a successful stint in rehab than to open yourself up to the acrimony of the public (Exhibit A: Britney) by recording an album? That’s precisely what Lindsay Lohan is planning to do — the uninsurable actress and marginally talented singer has announced plans to start work on her third album, tentatively titled Nobody’s Angel. Indeed. In more upsetting news, The New York Daily News is also reporting that La Lohan might be back on the sauce, having been spotted out in New York City drinking.

Given our familiarity with Linds’ back catalog (we own Raw and A Little More Personal), our hearts are aflutter with the possibilities of all this album will be. Here are a few tracks we’d love to see end up on there.

1. “The Black Kid Was Driving”
2. I Know Who Killed My Career…Me
3. Riley’s Song
4. Coke Ain’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be
5. Daddy’s Little Girl
6. I’m (In) OK (Magazine)…You’re (Not In) OK (Magazine)
7. Sober…Enough (duet with Britney Spears)

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Meet Christina’s Baby Belly

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These pictures of Christina Aguilera on the cover of and in Marie Claire are a confusing mess of right and wrong. The cover is so horrendous that we did a double take. It’s just all so Britnified – the Rue McClanahan hair color, the soft-boiled skin, the cropped leather jacket surely adored by Olsen wannabees worldwide, and that awful turquoise font color most commonly found in the pattern of an intricate 80′s sweater. Painful! But then that second picture is all sorts of sexy – we love a good nudie shot that’s dignified with $500,000 worth of baubles, shoes and fake hair. These pics really just show both sides to our favorite well-adjusted warbler, that she’s both trash and class all at once – and does it best barely covered. Oh, how could we forget the greatest part? That pregnant belly of hers – the fashion accessory of 2007, obvs – which she rocks oh so well. Even that leather jacket can’t stop her mom-to-be hotness!

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Tila Tequila Meets the Parents (Ep. 8)

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Tila Tequila, you special sun blossom, how you impressed us last night! You flew around these United States of America, from New York to Oregon to New Jersey to Florida, all in pursuit of your bliss. You met the final four’s respective parents, and, at risk of being criticized for our bias, we must say that you displayed a wealth of tact. After all, you only embarrassed two siblings, pole-danced for one troupe of firefighters, and danced on the lap of a single grandmother. But let’s call it as we see it: presenting Bobby’s brother with your whipped-cream-stained breast was the height of table manners; accusing Ryan’s sister of Sapphic tendencies was but a gentle observation; and wrapping your limbs around a pole for Dani’s fire-fighting brethren and demonstrating the hoochie-coochie for her grandmother was probably the high-point of their respective days. You bring a little light into everything you do! How we envy you your irrepressible spirit! They’re going to write books about you, Tila. Or maybe a tabloid charticle.

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