American Idol Day 9: Who’s Crush-Worthy?

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Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and last night’s two hour Hollywood Idol extravaganza was packed with swoon-worthy performances. Our 164 contestants competed for the adoration of the judges, but only 24 won their hearts in the fiercest Week One competition to date. These are the contestants whose serenades I’ve deemed deserving of chocolates and roses, as well as those who will be receiving one of those Super Mario Brothers pack of 40 cards that you give to everyone in your kindergarten class . . . even the nerds. Last but not least: a love connection for Paula. More after the jump.

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Kim’s Butt Finds a New Home

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kimk021308.jpgKim Kardashian‘s career keeps on chugging down the D List! Our favorite former friend of Paris (FFOP) has signed on as the new spokeswoman for Bongo jeans. OMG! In a recent press release, Kim gushed the following, “This is a fun, young, fresh campaign and I am honored to be a part of it. What I am excited about is how Bongo jeans fit. They hug my curves in all the right places!”

Translation: “Look at how awesome my ass looks in these jeans I want you to buy! Look at my ass! Buttbuttbuttbuttbutt!!!”

Don’t worry Kim, we are. More pics of the most stunning woman in the world below.

[Getty]


			

Gary Coleman Gets Married, Loses V-Card in Same Night!

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garycoleman.jpgCongratulations are in order to our main man, Surreal Life star Gary Coleman, who was secretly married back in August to his 22-year old girlfriend of five months! Gary and his lady-friend, Shannon Price, barely knew each other, but that didn’t stop them from heading down to the Grand Canyon. It was the first marriage for both, and also the first time Gary had even been intimate with a woman. Sexxxy. The 40-year old former virgin said, I never got the opportunity to be romantic or feel romantic with anyone…I wasn’t saving myself, she just happened to be the one.”

Say what?! Price insists that she doesn’t want to be known as a famous actor’s wife, and is working on solidifying her own career and name. “She’s a great eBay-er,” says her husband. “She’s a fabulous eBay-er. I hope she gets famous for that.”

But will their love last? The pair admits that they often go a week without speaking to each other because Gary has a tendency to get insanely angry and throw stuff at his wife. Yup, their relationship is that healthy, obvs. Mazel Tov! [InsideEdition]

Heidi Montag’s Video Just Got Better

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Our friends over at Best Week Ever have beefed up Heidi Montag‘s mess of a music video for her song “Higher” with a little “bubble up video.” You know, tiny tidbits of info and hilarious quips that pop up while you watch the clip. Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Their version of The Hills star’s bikini-clad bomb actually makes the thing fun to watch, and we even made it to the end (for the first time)! Check it out above, and have a laugh at something other than just how stupid Heidi looks rolling around in the sand.

Oscars Flashback: South Park In Drag

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The writers’ strike is over and the Academy Awards are on. To prep for the broadcast, VH1 assembled a show of Oscar’s top moments — the remarkable, heart-warming and totally bizarre show-stealing-scenes from Awards past. See the clip above, for instance, wherein fashion-conscious South Park co-creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker dressed in drag for the 2000 Oscars. They were mocking Gwyneth Paltrow and Jennifer Lopez respectively, poking fun at the Academy’s self-serious mien, and they actually achieved a laugh-out-loud moment. Others on the list include Cuba Gooding Jr.’s over-the-top acceptance speech for Jerry Maguire, Angelina Jolie making out with her brother and the streaker in 1974 who bared all to billions around the globe. The show airs tomorrow night at 9 p.m., but in the meantime, check out this gallery of moments past. And get prepped: It’s almost Oscar-time.

VH1′s 20 Greatest Oscars Moments premieres tomorrow night at 9 p.m. (EST).

Paris’ Baby Bro Busted for DUI

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barronhilton.jpgIntroducing the newest Hilton family f*ck-up: 18-year old Barron! Paris and Nicky’s baby brother was busted for a very grown-up DUI yesterday, when he drove his Mercedes the wrong way on the highway (after hitting an attendant at a gas station). He also tried to use a fake ID with the police (didn’t Paris teach this kid anything?) so in addition to blowing a .14 blood level, he’s also being busted for the phony license.

Contrary to how they treated their daughter when she landed behind bars, the Hiltons instead left Barron in the clink to presumably learn his lesson. After his arrest at 8:30 AM, the kid sat in jail until early evening, when pals came through with the $20,000 needed to get the male heir (meir?) out of jail. The only statement released was from his dad Rick, who said, “I haven’t been contacted yet by either my son or the police. If what I have heard is true, it is very disturbing and I will have a lot to say – but it will be to my son, not the media.”

We have a feeling that speech will start with something like, “We expect this from your sisters, but you?!” [TMZ/People. Booking Photo]

Wednesday: Fergie’s Belly Still Flat

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fergiepregnant.jpgGoodbye Writers Strike, Hello New Eps of 30 Rock!
OMFG, the strike is over! Now it’s time to find out when your fave shows will be back. Beware – there’s bad news ahead for Cavemen fans. [NYMag]

Mom Claims Fergie’s Not Preggers
But we’re not giving up that quickly – there are two many lady lump references left to make. [Us]

Paris Parties for the People
The heiress celebrated her 27th birthday by flaunting her soon to be sagging body on some dancefloor, somewhere. Her routine is getting old – and so is she. [NYP]

Britney & Mom Heal The Past Thru Shopping
The Spears women got together for some retail therapy at a Miss Sixty store. Britney’s been behaving for a few days now – could she really be on the mend mentally? [People]

Mariah Wants You to Touch Her Body
Her new song dropped yesterday (the album’s on its way), and it sounds like Mimi’s horny for your love – or just your $9.99. [DListed]

Name That Tune: Sex Songs Edition

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There’s one thing about February you can pretty much guarantee: when Valentines Day comes along the libido heads for the red zone. Appropriately, the conversation starts to tilt toward the nasty side of the street. All those sweet nothings are about something quite specific on 2/14, and they’ve got to do more with the boudoir than they do with a bouquet of flowers. We’re wondering if you know which tunes to play when you get upstairs, and we’re wondering if you can guess which lyrics of lust belong to which artists. Our new site can help you decipher the words to loads of songs. See if you can match all the dirty talk below to one of the singers pictured above. The answers are found after the jump. Click on the quote to see the full (sexy) song lyrics.

1. “If you’re liking what you’re tasting baby, let me know”

2. “Dive if you want to be a diver/wear a helmet with a light like an old gold miner”

3. “Don’t be ashamed of what you’ve got between those thighs, oh”

4. “For this body, so buttery brown and tantalizing/you would think I needed help.”

5. “You got me in a crazy position/if you’re on a mission, you’ve got my permission”

6. “I got a problem, I’m outta my mind over your body/women like you steal my control”

7. “Feel my rain come pourin’, soaking your lips’, baby…oooh”

8. “Your girl acting stank, then call me over/not on the bed, on the sofa/phone before you come, I need to shave my chocha.”

9. “You constantly seek me tonguing up and down on you/It’s time to pop your knees/it’s hot up in this peace”

10. “Maybe go to my place and kick just like Tae Bo/possibly bend you over, look back and watch me”

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