2007′s Craziest: Oprah’s School Scandal

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oprah2007.jpgJust when Oprah’s permeating perfection was about to get really annoying, she had to go and get involved in a scandal that suddenly made her human again. Well, as human as the richest woman in the world with her own school in South Africa can be. This fall drama rocked her new Academy for Girls when students came forward and charged a school employee with physical and sexual abuse. The dorm matron, Tiny Makopo, was eventually arrested, and Oprah herself went down to Africa numerous times to resolve the situation. When she finally spoke out, Winfrey called it “one of the most devastating, if not the most devastating experience of my life,” and she vowed to “clean house” at the school. Knowing Oprah as well as we do (from watching her for years and years), we know she means business.

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The Celebreality Awards Pt. 2 – The Bests

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To recap VH1′s year in Celebreality programming, we’re honoring the craziness (and, let’s face it: crazies) with an informal (and fairly arbitrary) set of awards we’re giving away online. Actually, there are no real awards to give away, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. It is, after all, the holiday season.

Part 1, dedicated to special achievements in Celebreality, went up yesterday. Part 2 continues today with the superlatives. The first category is Best Filming Location: Hooters on Hogan Knows Best.

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You can see that Hulk’s mother is sitting at the table with them, on this final episode of Season 4 of Hogan Knows Best. What’s notable about this is that Hooters was her choice of dining locations. And what’s dually notable about that is Grandma Ruth revealed that she had just visited the jiggle joint the week before, only to revise her recollection: “Oh, it was yesterday!” She’s a regular. At Hooters.

How did the Hogans follow this up? With a visit to Fashion Bug, of course, where Brooke attempted persuade Grandma to buy clear heels, “like me and mom.”

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That is a tasty after-dinner mint, if ever there were.

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VH1.com’s Best Movies of 2007

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We polled, cajoled and otherwise extracted a list of 2007′s top movies from our intrepid staff. Here it is.

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Control

Dutch photographer Anton Corbijn found his initial flicker of fame by shooting post-punk bands like Joy Division, so it follows that his first feature film, Control, focuses on the same subject. If there’s any justice in the world, he’ll find just as much success as a director as he has as a photographer. Control is breathtaking, figuratively (because it’s unfailingly gorgeous) and literally (because it follows Joy Division frontman’s life up until his suicide at 23). It’s Sam Riley’s show for the taking, and he’s more than fit for the job: his portrayal of Curtis is nothing but nuance. He’s quietly cocky, generous, selfish, insecure, difficult, arrogant, tortured, humorous and so much more. It’s potentially conception-smashing: Getting to know a well-rounded facsimile makes Curtis’ death that much more of a tragedy. Corbijn’s work experience allows him to frame the band flawlessly. Control is shot in glorious black and white and it’s composed so that just about each individual shot would make a devastating still photograph. The depth of soul and painstaking craftsmanship that went into making Control are apparent. To portray a band as intense as Joy Division, it really couldn’t have been any other way. (Rich Juzwiak)

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2007 Celeb Crazy Talk: Kanye, Sherri & Crocker

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Famous people say the darnedest things, and this year was no exception! We’re honoring the craziest sh*t to come out of their restylane-enhanced mouths this year, and bringing you our fifteen favorite celebrity quotes of 2007.

  • “That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance, I’m trying hard man, I have the … No. 1 record, man.” - Kanye West freaking out backstage at the VMAs.
  • “Everyone now says I have a fake butt or butt implant. I’m Armenian; you should see all the women in my family. The women have bigger breasts and bigger butts. That’s how I was born. I can’t help it. I’m not gonna fight it.” - Kim Kardashian, discussing her infamous ass.
  • “At the end of the video, we’re kissing and it’s raining blood—and for me, that was one of the most romantic moments of my entire life.” - Evan Rachel Wood, describing the ‘sexiness’ of music video making with her boyfriend Marilyn Manson.
  • “Leave Britney alone!” - YouTube sensation Chris Crocker, defending his best girl.
  • “I don’t know if the world is flat.” - The View co-host Sherri Shepherd, articulating some controversial geographical views.

2007′s Craziest: Amy Winehouse Wigs Out

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Watching Amy Winehouse go from top of the charts to coked-up and bloodied was one of the saddest downward spirals of the year (Paris Hilton‘s demise, however, is another story). But it’s the end of the year, and we’ve run out of ways to turn her song “Rehab” into a witty pun that accentuates her actual need to get her ass locked up and detoxing, stat. In truth, the year of Winehouse has just made us feel kind of hopeless and sad. It’s no fun watching someone whose talent leaves you awestruck abandon their gifts for a full-blown drug addiction; it’s even worse when they’re doing it covered in blood. Let’s hope Amy’s New Year’s resolution involves less snorting and more self-care, and maybe a little bit of singing too.

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Britney’s Worst Year Ever: December

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Britney_SpearsNo one could have imagined a mere 12 months ago that Brit would create such glorious new nonsense every week. Some of the craziness escapes you? Here’s our recount.

December 1Even Celebrities Drunk Dial – Britney hits the Scandinavian Mansion of Style [Ed: WTF?] to celebrate her 26th birthday with her two remaining friends, cousin/enabler Ali Sims and creepy new hanger-on Sam Lufti. Shortly after Paris Hilton joins the crew, she lends Britney her cell phone so she can call ex-husband Kevin Federline. Brit pleads with K-Fed to join them, but someone has to stay home and watch the kids. Britney becomes infuriated, and reportedly hangs up on him. [NY Post]

December 5Shady Associates – Brit pal and constant companion Sam Lufti apparently has quite the shady past. With two restraining orders and no discernible career (Lufti had claimed to be a film producer), Brit’s family fears for the singer’s safety. One source blabbed to UsWeekly: “She’s so desperate for a friend.” [Us Weekly]

December 12Calling In Sick to Court – Ten minutes after a scheduled deposition began, Spears called and informed her representation that she was ill and unable to attend. Later that day, Brit’s creepy consort Sam Lufti called E! and told them that due to the media frenzy, Brit’s anxiety “sky rocketed,” and she was unable to pull it together and face the same paparazzi and reporters she’s been courting for almost a decade. [Us Weekly]

December 19Crazy Runs In The Family – In an impressive show of sisterly love, 16-year-old sister Jamie Lynn steps up and takes some of the media pressure off her sister by announcing her own pregnancy on the cover of OK! Magazine. While her parents were shocked and appalled, and the younger Spears confesses to being “scared,” she’s decided to keep the baby. When questioned by TMZ, Britney initially had no idea her sister was in a family way. [OK! Magazine]

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I Love New York 2 Reunion: Sneak Preview!

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We don’t want to give too much away, but there are 12 things you should know about the I Love New York 2 reunion, which premieres Sunday, Jan. 6 at 9/8c. They are:

1. It’ll take up more airtime than any other reunion in the Flavor of Love universe: it runs for 90 minutes and it’s packed with ridiculousness. There’s no way it could have been shorter — it could very well turn out to be an instant classic.

2. An unlikely character engages in a full-on, tongues-out kiss with another person on the show. You might say that this is a new frontier of sexuality.

3. There is a food fight.

4. We’re introduced to one of the guy’s vast cologne collection.

5. A penis is exposed.

6. So is a butt.

7. Tailor Made gives New York the ultimate present (and it’s not what you think)!

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8. New York tells a guy who isn’t Tailor Made: “Yes, I had real feelings for you…And you know I did, and I know that you know I did.”

9. “You can have ‘em in your house, I mean that’s your choice…” says Sister Patterson about a particular minority group. She is, as usual, the picture of tolerance.

10. Although, to be fair, she also describes herself as “not human.” A new frontier in self-awareness?

11. An argument breaks out when one barely seen guy calls out to someone on stage: “Don’t stand up for another man. That makes you look fruity.”

12. There will be blood.

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Oh yes, there will be blood.

Remember: the I Love New York 2 Reunion airs Sunday, Jan. 6 at 9/8c. If you miss it, your life will be rendered meaningless.

The Celebreality Awards Pt. 1 – The Achievements

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To recap VH1′s year in Celebreality programming, we’re honoring the craziness (and, let’s face it: crazies) with an informal (and fairly arbitrary) set of awards we’re giving away online. Actually, there are no real awards to give away, but hey, it’s the thought that counts. It is, after all, the holiday season.

Part 1 kicks off today. Below, we look back at the special achievements reached on shows like Charm School, Rock of Love, Ego Trip’s The White Rapper Show, Celebrity Fit Club: Men vs. Women and Gotti’s Way. Our first award is the Achievement in Beauty, Nails Division, which goes to…

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…Sister Patterson! I mean, duh, right?

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2007 Celeb Crazy Talk: Dog, LiLo & Brit

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Famous people say the darnedest things, and this year was no exception! We’re honoring the craziest sh*t to come out of their restylane-enhanced mouths this year, and bringing you our fifteen favorite celebrity quotes of 2007.

  • “Eat it, lick it, snort it, fuck it!” - Britney Jean Spears, snapping at reporters at her custody hearing.
  • I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps…” - Miss Teen South Carolina, answering the greatest pageant question of all time.
  • “I was really up for some peace and love that morning. I wasn’t up for being called a c*** and being kicked in the head.” - Druggie rocker Pete Doherty after getting dumped by model girlfriend Kate Moss.
  • “I wasn’t driving, the black kid was.” - Lindsay Lohan, after getting pulled over for her coke-fueled, road ragin’ car chase.
  • “There’s a special connection that I thought I had between me and black America. And I used to say, ‘I’m black, too.’ In other words, my whole life I’ve been called a half-breed, a convict, king of the trailer trash, this and that…so when I stood there and said, ‘I kind of know what you feel like, because I’ve been there, too,’ that I felt that I could embrace and like, as brothers…say the word. I now learned I’m not black at all, and I never did it out of hate.” - Dog the Bounty Hunter, defending his use of the ‘N Word’ in a leaked rant.

VH1.com’s Worst Movies of 2007

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We polled, cajoled and otherwise extracted VH1.com’s most loathed movies of 2007 from our normally sunny staff. Here are the results.

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Knocked Up
This should have come with a disclaimer, it required such a suspension of disbelief. In short, stoner-schlub Ben knocks up blonde bombshell Allison during a one-night stand, and over the course of the next nine months cracks jokes, roasts bowls and perpetually disappoints his love interest. Had the film been recognized for its infantilism and sexism rather than its poignancy, it might have been less disturbing. Instead, Knocked Up perpetuated a creepy right-wing agenda, eschewing the issue of abortion altogether (what year is this?) and opting to bind two people (who don’t even seem to like each other very much) together in raising a child. That, coupled with the tangential plotline of Pete and Debbie, Allison’s unhappily married sister and brother-in-law (who make commitment look as pleasant and rewarding as a sexually transmitted disease), made this film work like a PSA for abstinence. (Lauren Harris)

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Ghost Rider
Few comic book films have dared to be this bad — The Punisher with Dolph Lundgren comes to mind, as does Captain America, which starred no one you’ve ever heard of. Ghost Rider, on the other hand, boasts a fairly reputable troupe: Between Nicolas Cage, Sam Elliott, Peter Fonda and Wes Bentley, there’s acting talent to spare. So what went wrong? Was it the story, a jumble about a man who must become an emissary of Hell and whose motorcycle lights on fire whenever he’s in trouble? Not exactly. Was it that the script was so pandering it seemed as though it were written on cocktail napkins at the bar the night before (or perhaps the morning of) shooting? Well, maybe, but that’s not it either. Was it Eva Mendes? Hmm. The biggest problem with this film — among many, many others — was that tale of a ghostly hellion required absolutely no suspension of disbelief from either its actors or its audience. Sure, it’s difficult to suspend disbelief when you’re asked to play a man whose head lights on fire all the time, but hey, isn’t that the job? The original comic and the revived version both contained a sense of sadness, a depth created by Johnny Blaze’s hatred of what he’s become, and a sick fascination with the power it’s given him. Nicolas Cage, who wasn’t always a national embarrassment, might have had the depth to pull this off at an earlier point in his life, but no longer. And no matter, either: They’re already working on a sequel. (Jonathan Durbin)

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Year of the Dog
In this film, Molly Shannon’s spinster character, Peggy, spends most of the first third exhibiting acute emotional instability by imposing her mourning over a dead dog on anyone who will listen. Fine. Then she falls for a dude who’s totally gay, except he’s not because he’s asexual. Sigh. Fine. Then she fills the loneliness of her life by taking up an animal-activist lifestyle, which includes condemning, preaching to and plying with propaganda all who disagree. NOT FINE. That she (spoiler alert!) never receives her comeuppance and is ultimately rewarded with a happy ending for being so damn obnoxious and irresponsible (her job as a secretary allows her to embezzle money from work to save, like, farm chickens or something) suggests that writer-director Mike White actually condones her behavior. He also supports the quirky-indie-comedy pitfall of being so focused on your own charm that you can’t even see how charmless of a condition that is. A complete, utter and offensive waste of time. (Rich Juzwiak)

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Ratatouille
Yes, Ratatouille was visually titillating, as all Pixar movies are, but the story itself was a weak mix of bad jokes and a bland plot that left us craving more. We’ll buy a rat named Remy that lives in France and sounds like he’s from Brooklyn, but we had nothing but hate for that gangly loser Linguini, who, as a main character, had less appeal than a limp noodle. There was nothing to like about him because there was nothing to him except a red ‘fro and some roller skates. And while it was fun to suspend disbelief and watch a rat cook, there was nothing fun about the inexplicable ability Remy had to control Linguini’s limbs while yanking his hair like reins. Couldn’t those Pixar geniuses come up with something better? Audiences loved Ratatouille because we’re trained to drool at Pixar’s magical animation moves. But take away their cartoonin’ skills and all that’s left is a dull story that lacked spice. Waiter, send this flick back to the kitchen. (Kate Spencer)

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*Sex and the City
With a release date slated for late Spring, 2008 and nary a trailer released, I can honestly say I already hate this movie. Let’s dismiss for a moment the geographic particulars of the filming and how disruptive it’s been for New Yorkers, and concentrate solely on what we know: The insufferable television show responsible for screwed-up female values (“I spent my down payment on heels”) has been extended into a feature-length film with all your favorite, one-dimensional characters returning after very public squabbles over cash. So what can we expect? A movie that rests squarely on hair color to delineate the passage of time (“I was so naive and brown-haired!”), some irritating scene narration from SJP (with plenty of puns), and the likelihood that Samantha will gall Charlotte with her sexual escapades. In other words, re-run city. Thanks, HBO. (Lauren Harris)

*Bonus worst-movie-to-be review.

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